Argentine Tango

Argentine Tango Dancers
My Sir and I have talked many times over the years about learning to ballroom dance. Dancing has always been in our blood. I’ve had many years of training and Sir is just a natural dancer. We used to go out dancing in the early part of our life together, but we would sometimes find ourselves a little awkward when trying to interpret each other’s movements. I would get so frustrated and then he with me…yada, yada, yada. I’ve come to realize that the disconnect was a result of  my stubbornness in not allowing myself to be led. He in turn has been humble by admitting that he needs to learn how to properly lead so that I can follow him. So we’ve talked and talked and talked about taking formal lessons, but somehow plans have always gotten disrupted. Now, more than ever, we see that there is a need for this type of instruction and to learn this physical language in order to enhance our relationship.
The Argentine Tango is a sensual dance of vulnerability, submission, and trust. There are many places to learn Argentine Tango where we live and it just so happens that a dance instructor that Sir used to train is the co-owner of a nearby school. She just missed being chosen as one of the professional dancers on Dancing With The Stars a few years ago so I think we’ll be in good hands. This summer we will begin our training with the sole purpose of connecting on a deeper level. I found the following post and it sums up my feelings beautifully.

Words divide, but Tango unites

Posted on July 10, 2012Courtesy of

One of the most beautiful things about tango is how the dance partnership asks you to trust, surrender, open and share your essence with another person (often a stranger). Yet this can also present challenges.  For example, I find myself continually perplexed by the fact that I dance extremely well with men who I have nothing in common with off the dance floor.This really speaks to me about the power of non-verbal communication.  When you take language off the table, and enter into pure movement dialog with another person, it’s a game changer in terms of chemistry and compatibility.  And this kind of dance “conversation” can be more real and satisfying than a verbal exchange. For me it connects me deeply and intimately with people I wouldn’t otherwise ever connect with. And what can be more truthful and freeing than circumventing the density of words in favor of a simple embrace?  The reward of this is unexpected joy and fulfillment in the arms of the most unlikely individuals.

In this way, language is a serious obstacle to the Tango connection because it is a construct of ideas with the power to drive a wedge between people. And words are very limited when compared to the silent, subtle reality of pure being.  My most beloved partners are not people who I would normally socialize with extensively.   Yet when it comes to tango, I long to embrace each one of them in the timeless journey of the dance.  In the absence of words, we flow together in perfect unity with a precious and honest beauty.  But if I had to talk to some of them at length about spirituality or politics or even Tango, we would probably argue. But fortunately, we choose to transcend this barrier and instead we just dance.  No useless words, only action.  We meet on the dance floor, using only the language of elegant movement and we get to the heart of what is real: A heart filled connection.

Words may divide but the Tango embrace unites.  So on the dance floor, in the absence of words, I completely offer my heart and spirit to my cherished dance partners.  Although my offering is only on the level of energy and presence with the dance, for me it is so complete and exposed, that I might as well be making love.   It is my conscious choice to open my energy field to this degree and I do so with partners I generally trust. But it’s a vulnerable place to be with people you don’t know that well.  And trust of this kind can be a fragile thing, easily betrayed by the aggression of words.  A casual, insensitive criticism that would normally not faze me has the impact to shatter me if delivered while I am in this vulnerable tango state.   Months and months of built-up dance trust is so easily compromised by thoughtless comments.

Perhaps I’m just the overly sensitive type? Or perhaps Tango has come into my life to teach me deeper lessons about detachment and the true source of inner fulfillment? Yes, tango is constantly teaching me to strengthen my resolve, to be more humble, to let go of ego on deeper levels.  This dance is challenging me physically, mentally and emotionally to stretch myself and my perceived boundaries. It is training me to remain in my power center and to be true to myself,  without compromise or manipulative influence from others.  The moment we let other people’s insensitivity and discomfort shut down our joyful expression is the moment we lose ourselves. And if we have lost our joy, our peace of mind, we have lost everything worth having. We are not here to be controlled by other people’s fears.  We are here [to] rise in our divinity and to love unconditionally and fearlessly, even when it scares others.  It’s a mistake to take anything personally or make other people’s problems our own.   Dance in joy, be joy, share this joy, even if it is rejected. Never let the rejection stop you, for you are the sole power-generator of all the love you will ever experience in this lifetime and beyond. Never let language divide you from the ultimate source of your Tango connection…..YOU!