Do I have your attention? Good, I knew I would, and if you got all excited by this post thinking it was about giving or receiving a “Golden Shower,” I’m sorry to disappoint you. No, this post is mainly for the ladies regarding Pelvic Floor Muscles, but gentlemen, if you care about your girl you’ll want to read this, too, because in the event this should ever become an issue for her you will have the information you need to help. Her strong and flexible pelvic floor muscles (PFM) are for your benefit and pleasure, too, Sir.
Last week I posted something special for Valentine’s Day on Thursday is “Her Day”… The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Make sure you download that PDF because it’s filled with valuable information. My only critique of the Guide is in Chapter 2 where the author encourages women to do Kegals in order to strengthen her PFM. Well, I beg to differ. What I’m about to share with you is revolutionary…yes, I said revolutionary. Once you’ve learned what I’m about to share and put it into practice for yourself you will NEVER DO ANOTHER KEGAL AGAIN!
There, I said it and I’m damned happy to get it off my chest. I’ll keep my nipple clamps there instead. I said it and I’ll say it again…NO MORE KEGALS, LADIES! “But my doctor, mother, sister, gynecologist, best friend, yoga instructor, personal trainer, grocery store cashier said I MUST DO KEGALS.
I’m getting feisty now, but I put little hearts around the word because I mean it with all the love I have in me.
Let me give you some background before I tell you why I’m saying what I’m saying. Weakened PFMs were the bane of my existence after having children. I didn’t gain a lot of weight while pregnant with each child, just about 30 lbs. or so with each and I walked a lot, but I had to. It was very hard for me to jump up and down because for one thing, I’m short (a hair over 5’2″) and I don’t have a lot of torso, which made breathing very difficult with a baby’s foot pressing into my diaphragm. I have an hourglass figure [waist needs to be 10″ less than bust while bust and hips need to be the same size]. My waist is even smaller than the textbook hourglass. So you see, there’s not much room in there to carry a baby, even with bones, tendons, and ligaments stretching out from pregnancy hormones. I also had children late in life, at 36 and then at 40. Boy, had I known then what I know now I would have started having kids at 25 so my body could recover better. Both children were normal size and length, but one came 2 weeks early and the other 3 weeks early. I was in labor with my first for 6 hours start to finish (from when my water broke to delivery). I was in labor 1 hr. and 45 min. with my second (same criteria). I didn’t have drugs for either and the pain was fairly tolerable. I handle pain well and I dilated to 10 cm so fast there wasn’t even time for an epidural. Please don’t hate me and put your rock down. I know some of you were in labor for 60 hours, but giving birth quickly has its disadvantages; it ripped me up inside. Not a pretty picture, but you just need to know where I’m coming from.
I did the requisite Kegals after my first and it took me close to a year to get my body back to pre-pregnancy. However, I would “pee a little” while laughing, coughing, or sneezing, but it was very rare and my bladder needed to be very full. The doctor said I was totally normal and just keep on doing my Kegals. I’m a Kegal Champ; I was very good at it. I know where those muscles are and I would Kegal in the grocery store, while driving, nursing, taking a shower, gardening, cooking, etc. So life was normal and then came pregnancy #2. Pregnancy was normal, but damn, that was a lightning fast delivery. I almost had this kid in the car…truly I was pommel horsing myself with my arms because I was crowning long before we got to the hospital. I pommel horsed the wheel chair and the baby would have come out faster, but they had to get my pants off first. Everyone thought I was the birthing Queen and my crown was gold, too, only this golden crown would make its royal appearance everytime I laughed, coughed, sneezed, danced, jumped, hopped, skipped, jogged, or made any sudden movements, whether or not my bladder was full. How freakin’ depressing. The Doctor said I just needed to heal and then keep on doing those stupid Kegals. A year later I wasn’t peeing on myself as much, but it was there all the time, lurking in the shadows and ready to turn me into a grey-haired, Depends wearing, Golden Girl wanna be. I felt so old and I was only 41.
I’m going to say something about myself that you won’t find me saying in my normal life because it embarrasses me, more so than what I just wrote. My Sir says I need to say it about myself everyday so that I believe it. OK, here goes, I’m a beautiful woman and more so than ordinary attractive. And back in the day, while I was in school for theater, I was told I had movie star looks . At a young age I was turning heads and the attention always embarrassed me. You would think I was used to it given the number of years I had been performing, but when you’re on stage acting, dancing, or singing you’re not the same person. If you don’t want to read any further, that’s fine. You can tell all your friends that you heard of a pretty woman who pees on herself. You might find out which one of them is a real kinkster.
So here I am a beautiful 41 year old woman with a problem that kept me from going anywhere or doing anything. It wore on me and I couldn’t look at myself at all. I hated myself and I started falling into a depression. I should have been on fire by this point. I had a gorgeous, sexy, muscular former model for a husband (who doesn’t age), two sweet, beautiful, intelligent mixed-race children that made us all look oh-so-chic, AND I peeded on myself. On top of all of that, I developed Hashimotos Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease, where my antibodies attack my thyroid. Great, just great.
I had a pity party for another year. I bitched, moaned, complained, yelled, cried (wept), and then developed insomnia. Yay, me! I blame you, Mr. Kegal, I blame you. Finally, I just got pissed off enough to reach out and do something. I made an appointment with a doctor, was officially diagnosed with urinary stress incontinence (back in my day, Sonny, we called it peeing on yourself) and got fitted for a pessary. A pessary is no big deal; just like wearing a diaphragm. So it helped, and it helped me get out of the house most importantly. All along I was going to the park with the kids, taking them to activities and school, but Sir and I went nowhere. I thought I was the ugliest person on the planet. Ridiculous, I know, but I was hormonally out of balance and desperately needed to sleep. I looked haggered and I could see the fine lines starting. I have always had good skin, but I felt like I was getting old before my time.
Another two years go by and with the help of the pessary, I’m not peeing on myself. But do I really have to use it for the rest of my life? I knew I needed a new endocrinologist because the protocol that was being used was not working for me. I found a great doctor who over the course of another year helped get my thyroid under control. Now I’m 45. I’m not peeing on myself unless I forget the pessary, my thyroid disease is under control, kids are happy and healthy, husband is weathering the financial toll we took in 2008, and I’m still not sleeping. Four years have gone by without sleep…four years! I would sleep at most 4 hrs, but there were many nights it was only 2. Once in a very rare while I would sleep 6. You would think I would do something about it, but it became my new norm and somehow I could get through daily life. I knew I needed to exercise, really exercise, but even with the pessary, any intense exercise was risking a little dribble and wearing pads made me feel like I was 13 and had just gotten my period. Exercise can reverse so many physical ailments, but I just couldn’t take the risk. Between the incontinence and the insomnia I was in a Catch 22. Here’s where I’m going to stop with all the background because you can read about what happens next on my page Drastic Times Call for Dominating Measures.
I decided to do something with my life and that’s when I did some serious research and came across a woman named Katy Bowman. I read an interview with her on a blog called Mama Sweat and it CHANGED MY LIFE! Long story short, I was able to dramatically improved my PFM so that without wearing the pessary I was not peeing on myself. This was a life changer for me and as a result I got my libido back (from that and by reading Erotica).
On Thursday I will go into a lot more detail to help you help yourself because most doctors just want to operate and unless you absolutely need that operation, don’t do it. There is another way. For now, please, please, please read the following article so you can start changing your life, too.
Copyright © 2013 – by The Submission of Elle