It’s only right that since my blog is called The Submission of Elle that I write about my experience so far with my submission. I wanted to share training tips on Tuesdays for a healthy body and mind, but today I will share with you my training as a submissive.
I feel like I’m in a unique position, but I am far from alone. I come across more and more married couples everyday that are just now starting to understand who they really are as a Dominant and submissive. It’s a beautiful thing when you allow your true nature to surface, that secret self you’ve spent a lifetime shoving back down, not in fear of other people, but in fear of yourself and what you might discover. As much as some may talk about wanting to be their authentic self it’s something else entirely to surrender to it. If you ever get to that point, and I hope for your sake that you do, it’s when your life will actually begin.
Our 24 years together has helped us ease into this new life because we already had some things set. First, we truly love each other have innumerable shared experiences, joy, blood, sweat, and tears. Second, I never put down or speak badly of my Husband/Dom (HusDom) to anyone, and that includes friends and family. I don’t talk about our marriage to my family at all because families have a way of siding and never turning back from the side they took. In turn, Sir does not put me down or complain about me to his friends and family. Our business is our business and if you are ever privy to information you should consider it a great honor because you’re standing on our holy ground. The private and sometimes intimate information I’ve shared on this blog, with my Sir’s blessing of course, has been so that others may see themselves in some parts of our lives and know that they are not alone. Third, my position in our household has always been traditional and I take care of his needs (cooking, running errands, household maintenance, paying bills, et al) and the needs of our children. I assist him with his business and I’m the one that prepares our tax statements. Why, you ask? Because I’m really good at it. Mind you, Sir is kept up-to-date and informed on everything, always reserving the right to veto any decision. Sir works very hard and he needs me home to run things. Even with many D/s ways already in place, we were off course. You can read all about how and when we decided to radically change our lives on my blog as I’ve bared enough of my soul for you to get the picture.
It wasn’t long ago that we had a big “A-HA” moment toward our D/s ~BDSM life. We realized that we can do this our way and in our own time and it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s relationship. We do what works for us and there may be a lot of similarities to your life, but we have our own unique way. We’ve made friends with some wonderful people in this short amount of time that are an inspiration and a joy to get to know and are helping us put it all in perspective, because we are on very similar paths headed toward a very similar direction. Our lives have differences and yet there are so many uncanny similarities. Sometimes we feel like we’re in uncharted waters because being married for many years and having children before admitting that there is another person living inside of you is very different from those that are single and engaged in D/s or those D/s relationships that move into marriage. I will not say that any one type is better than the other, what I will say, however, is that we have a unique perspective and it needs to be shared. It seems like this is an ancient art and somewhere a sextant was used and a map was created, but has been buried along with its treasure and now there are only whispers on the waves and celestial flashes in the night sky.
“A sextant is an instrument used to measure the angle between any two visible objects. Its primary use is to determine the angle between a celestial object and the horizon which is known as the object’s altitude. Making this measurement is known as sighting the object, shooting the object, or taking a sight and it is an essential part of celestial navigation. The angle, and the time when it was measured, can be used to calculate a position line on a nautical or aeronautical chart. Common uses of the sextant include sighting the sun at solar noon and sighting Polaris at night, to find one’s latitude (in northern latitudes). A sextant can also be held horizontally to measure the angle between any two landmarks which allows for calculation of a position on a chart. A sextant can also be used to measure the lunar distance between the moon and another celestial object (e.g., star, planet) in order to determine Greenwich time which is important because it can then be used to determine the longitude.” (Source Wikipedia)
Kabbalah teaches that the sun is male and the moon is female. The sun is responsible for making the moon glow and the moon receives the sun’s light. I think this is a beautiful representation of how a Dominant and submissive relationship is supposed to work. I receive my light and my warmth from my Dominant. He shines his light on me helping me and giving me everything I need. A Dominant finds the distance between his sun and her moon so he can decide exactly where they are and how to best chart a course toward his intended destination. A submissive receives the light from her Dominant so that she can shine brilliantly and even mysteriously in the night sky. The moon has its cycle of waxing and waning to the point of diminishing completely at one point on the lunar calendar and then builds back up to full illumination. My Sir brings me to full illumination and admires me as I shine.
I want my Sir to shine his light upon me in this way so that I am a reflection of his will and desires. I trust his intentions and judgment. He’s already proven to me countless times that he has my best interest and will always be there for me. As submissives we reach a pinnacle, become broken, and then our Dominant builds us back up. This is what happens in an exchange of power. You become exposed and vulnerable as you hand over your shame, guilt, frustrations, fears, desires, and insecurities then your Dominant takes them so you are released to just give and serve him proudly and so he can bring you to a new level. It’s in that giving that we are free and it’s in that freedom that we are healed and it’s in that healing that we are finally at peace.
It may seem confusing to anyone on the outside looking in to understand the desire to take your control and power and hand it over willingly to your Dominant who in turn receives like it’s an honor bestowed upon him. I exhausted myself living the life I was living. I am a strong, intelligent, capable woman who can competently handle a presentation in a board meeting, direct and produce a musical with a cast and crew of over a 100, and organize a an event for 300 from across the country. I know how to sew and cook, but I also know how to use a power drill and a circular saw. I learned to dance, but I was also taught how to punch a speed bag. So why give away my control if I can do so much? I will always have my abilities, but now I am able to perform any of those tasks with a lot more grace and style because there is only one whose acceptance and approval I seek. In all my accomplishments there were always complaints and disappointments. I could never please everyone.
If you ever experienced the inner freedom and focus that only comes from giving up outward control to a loving Dominant you would never ask the question “why”. The mental and emotional defenses supported by society kept me from experiencing true intimacy at a deep and profound level. Now that I’ve experienced freedom, I can never go back to my old bondage. Hearing him tell me that I did well and that he’s proud of me is bliss. I feel more connected than ever to my husband, to my children, and to my God because I know the strength I receive from my Sir allows me to have more to give. I feel centered and balanced for the first time. I feel like I’m getting younger, but that’s because my heart is free, but isn’t that the joy of childhood?
So my basic training period as a submissive has been to fully understand my new open heart, mind, and soul and to give all of myself to Sir and watch with pride as he brilliantly charts our course toward our new destination.
Copyright © 2013 – by The Submission of Elle