This came across my desk this morning and is so timely. Wise words from Brad Stevenson, who is a good friend of an old friend of mine (thanks, R):
“Fear is the master at creating the illusion that we believe we’ll lose something we have, or not get something we think we need or are entitled to. Shame is the great deceiver that tells so many people that they are flawed and that something is fundamentally wrong with them at the core of their being. “I believe these 2 toxins are woven into the fabric of the “Human Condition.”
I also believe that these core toxic energies carry destructive belief systems that create and perpetuate mistrust, dishonesty, resentment, hatred and blame. People will guard these beliefs with everything in their power as a way to not look bad”.
Consequently, it’s all too often that we experience in unhealthy relationships, the need to feel superior (masking a deep sense of inferiority) and project negative judgments, resentments and criticism onto others. Fear and shame are usually operating outside of the conscious scope of awareness, and are the driving forces that create poor relationships and personal upheaval and dissension.
They are also destructive forces within families as well. Living the THANKS® (Trustworthiness, Honesty, Amends, Neutrality, Kindness, and Surrender), paradigm is the antidote to these destructive forces of fear and shame, so long as they are used in a heartfelt manner.
Once you as a part of a relationship can fully understand your own underlying fear and shame, and can successfully utilize the principles in THANKS®, you will have much greater insight and understanding of the inner workings of your relationships. It will also increase your capacity for empathy and compassion which go a long way in the support of our family members, friends, and colleagues.”
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder/ Combat Disorder specialist
Mens Issue Specialist