Dorothy Meets Alice

Dorothy Meets Alice

I feel like this A LOT. If you’ve ever lived in a big city you’ve probably seen some shit, too. Although, after my father moved us from the city to the country I still got to witness a lot of crazy. For some reason, people in the country like to walk in the woods naked. It was always a treat stumbling upon a random naked man while you’re trekking through the woods with your younger brother to get to your favorite fishing spot. I also came upon many teenagers getting it on in the woods. I can say that I’ve seen my fair share of penises and not because I’ve done a lot of penises, but because I have four brothers who all played sports and our house was where everyone came for dinner or to hang out. Boys like to piss in the woods…I’m just saying.

My first kink experience was when I was 19 and I walked in on an orgy in Greenwich Village back in 1984. A friend had invited me and didn’t tell me the details. Needless to say, I ran out in shock. I wasn’t ready for what I saw and even now, at 47, I don’t think I could ever prepare myself enough. I was married briefly, right about that time, to a man who was heavily into hard-core porn and played videos constantly. He started me with the classics like Behind the Green Door and Insatiable (he was a big Marilyn Chambers fan) and then brought in the corny ones…you know, the ones with the “boom chicka bom bom bom bom bom” music. He then progressed to foreign and then truly nasty. I’ve come to realize that he was grooming me for something more and I’m so glad he left me. As painful as that event was, I am eternally thankful that he was a douche bag.

I’ve got a million stories and I truly have seen some weird shit, but it’s made me who I am and has given me wisdom (I hope). Now I can’t get that porn music out of my head. You’re singing it, too, aren’t you. It’ll be in your head when you wake up tomorrow. You’re welcome.

I love my life right now and I love my Sir with all that I am and all that I have. I love how far we’ve come in such a short amount of time. I love that he loves being my Dom and I absolutely love being his sub. I love the freedom we have. I love the honesty we share. I love our kink and I love, love, love the weird shit that we do. I love how he knows me, and encourages me, and protects me. I love him. I love him. I love him.

Weird shit be damned…I’m having the time of my life and have met some super sweet people that get it. It’s so nice to have sub friends with whom you can laugh, cry, and learn. The future looks bright, especially when there’s good people that you want to share it with and who you know you’ll get to see some new weird shit with, too.

He Said, “Leave.”

That’s what his text read…one simple word…”Leave.” Five letters that changed my life and I am only now able to process what happened and the growth I have experienced.

I am the Wedding Coordinator at our church. I am either planning full weddings or I am just the gate-keeper. I am usually only the gate-keeper when we have people outside our church use our facilities for the wedding event. When I am just the gate-keeper I am not always treated well by wedding parties because I am seen as the lady who gets in the way of their plans and fun due to the unenviable job of having to enforce the rules and keep the facility running properly. When I actually plan the weddings I am seen as the lady who makes all the magic happen and I am treated as a member of the wedding party.

This past Saturday I was the gate-keeper for a wedding reception for a very young couple from outside our church community. I started meeting with the couple (who routinely cancelled appointments) in January. Other than their inability to make meetings so we could coordinate logistics, everything seemed normal. They were doing everything on a shoe-string budget and the Pastor really only allowed me to charge them for all set-up and coordination fees. In other words, the church made nothing, which is par for the course.

I am very good with contracts and I brought our church up to speed a couple of years ago. They had the worst contract you ever saw and it was no way to enter into any kind of binding agreement (they didn’t even have a hold-harmless clause). I made sure all our rules and regulations made sense and were enforceable and that we understood the requirements of our insurance company. I always, always, always go over the contract line by line with every couple because I have to make sure they understand what is required of them if they want to use our facility.

The reception wasn’t starting until 5:00 pm. I already had a bad experience with them Friday night because they were close to an hour late to set up the facility. On Saturday, we were at church at 9:00 am because my husband and I run the Shabbat school (it’s a Messianic congregation) and we were there to teach. I helped get the classrooms prepared (thank goodness I had a volunteer to help me) and my sweet Sir took over so I could start organizing for the wedding reception.

We do not allow alcohol in our church so I knew people would leave easily enough after the reception so I could make sure tear-down went well and that I could get out of there once the janitor arrived (10:00 pm). Sir was anxiously waiting for me at home and I was anxious to get home so he could have his way with me. By the way, the only reason we don’t allow alcohol in the church or on premises is because we do a very large recovery ministry and we don’t ever want to take a chance on bottles being left behind as a temptation for recovering alcoholics. So I spend the day preparing the facility with all of the necessary signs placed inside and outside of the building directing guests with parking, handicapped entry, etc. I met with their sound people to get the system set for the evening. They were bringing in food and just using the warming ovens and ice so I made sure the ice machine was in order and that the warming ovens we working properly. I went through and made all of my facility checks (lights, doors, bathrooms, parking lot). It’s all pretty routine, but it takes up a lot of time. I had lunch and then a couple of hours of quiet (the calm before the storm) before getting myself personally ready. It’s a wedding, afterall, so I need to look good.

The chaos began at 4:00 pm when the friends and relatives started showing up with the food and to get the buffet ready. It was like getting run over by a freight train. People started turning on the main ovens in the kitchen and trying to put food in the walk-in. I ran interference and was abruptly screamed at by the bride’s Aunt Sherry. I had to yell back at Aunt Sherry to “shut up.” I do not take kindly to being screamed at by anyone…ANYONE! I have never had someone confront me in such a rude manner so quickly, so unnecessarily, and without a build-up to a confrontation. She did not like the fact that I would not allow her cupcakes in the refrigerator. It was in the contract, but everyone was asking me to break the rules. I demanded an apology, which I received, but it was heavily laced with excuses. Don’t take your stressful day out on me and by yelling in my face. Italian New Yorkers don’t take the shit.

The next order of craziness was the father of the bride pulling me aside and trying to talk me into allowing him to sneak alcohol into the facility. Are you kidding me? You can guess how that conversation went. There were some leaders from the church who were still there, and when they saw I needed help with this unruly wedding, volunteered to stay. You have no idea how much I appreciated their offer. The problems continued from the father of the bride having a supposed “diabetic incident” (he was drunk) to shutting down the elevator due to children going for rides, to the DJ having a snit with me. “Mario the DJ” was/is a piece of work, let me tell you! The problem with “Mario the DJ” was that he ate my food. You read that right, he ate my food. When I asked who ate my food, he admitted it. I handed “Mario the DJ” the rest of the plate. He then went into a diatribe about how important his DJ-ing was and that I needed to stop talking to him, even though he had his lame-ass “posse” up in the sound booth chatting away as he was doing his all-important DJ-ing and updating his Facebook page. He also forcefully let me know that he was a Pastor and that he knew the Head Pastor at our church. I told him that since he was a Pastor he should know that by eating my food he was stealing and that I could call the Head Pastor right now if he wanted to speak to him about all of this. Yeah, that pissed him off real good. The guy was a friggin’ blow-hard! Turns out that the guy who’s in charge of my church’s AV and has a DJ company had actually fired “Mario the DJ” last year. What a dick!

I was on my last nerve and really trying hard to keep myself composed, but I just couldn’t anymore. I was being treated worse than a doormat and my church friends were watching it all unfold and were trying very hard to keep me encouraged to see it through to the end. I sent Sir a text letting him know some of the things that happened and telling him it was the Worst. Wedding. EVER. I immediately received a text back from him that simply read:

LEAVE

And so I left. I introduced the bride and groom to one of the leaders that had elected to stay and help, told them they were in good hands, grabbed my bag and headed for my car. I left…I really left! This was a big deal for me because I have never walked out. I’ve had difficult weddings to deal with, but I make it work and I smooth out the wrinkles. I have always worked extra hard (and to my detriment) at making sure everyone was happy. Sir always hated this because he saw me being taken advantage of and my work-ethic and generosity abused. He has wanted me to stop doing weddings because he’s seen how it goes unappreciated and I am left fried and useless the next day or for several days after an event.

He said he was very pleased with me when he received my text response:

I left and I’m on my way home

He was thrilled and relieved to see me walk in the door. He said he had his doubts as to whether or not I would obey.

And here is the growth part…I chose him over my part-time, unappreciated, very little pay, gate-keeper/doormat position. I have chosen so many things over him because I felt obligated and it wouldn’t be professional to just quit…walk out…leave. I obeyed my Sir because he has my best interest and I don’t. I allow myself to get taken advantage of and pushed around far more frequently than I would care to admit. I put on a veneer of toughness, but really, I’m a softy. The veneer is out of necessity and not really who I am. It’s a self-preservation garment that I have been starting to shed since we began our D/s marriage. I have broken through a submission barrier and I feel light and free. We are in a different place now. It was a significant act of submission and I get it…I really get it. I now stand naked before him and ready to receive and to give to the one who knows me and cares for me far more than I know and care for myself. I feel valued and worthy. I feel confident and strong. I feel loved. I feel like a kitten, who sometimes bites and scratches, but really just wants to curl up in my Sir’s lap so I can purr while he pets me.

Just where I want to be.

Just where I want to be.

Keeping the D/s Dynamic When There’s No Time

I wake up very early Monday through Friday because my Husband/Dominant has to be at work at either 5:00 am or 5:30 am, depending on the day. Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, I let him get up on his own and figure it all out for himself. The last thing I would do was get up to get him breakfast and prepare his lunch. He never asked me to do it and trust me, I wasn’t volunteering. Mind you, I had been suffering from insomnia for a few years and many days I wouldn’t fall asleep until 4 am on the couch. My pattern went like this: fall asleep about 10 pm, wake up at 11:30 pm and try in vain to fall back to sleep. Go downstairs at about 12:30 am and stare at the walls or the TV…try to read…cry…stare some more…cry some more…fall asleep at 4 am (maybe)…wake at 6 am…cry… and start getting everything ready for the kids to take them to school. He understood and never forced me to do anything for him because he always had my best interest at heart and knew I was absolutely wiped out. I always made sure everyone ate a home cooked lunch and dinner, but for breakfast. you were on your own unless it was the weekend.

Oh, how times have changed! Once I embraced my submissive self I started to reconsider all my ways. Based on the dynamic that my husband and I share, if I was to come to him and ask him to be my Dominant before showing any signs of submission, he wouldn’t have accepted. The change in our marriage needed to come from me in order to be taken seriously. So on my way to becoming his submissive, and before ever revealing myself to him and asking him if he would be my Dominant, I started to submit. Once I started to submit, I was able to sleep. I did not know there was a connection, but my heart and soul must have been craving it. I found peace in accepting who I was and what I wanted. The very act of submission increased my libido, to his delight. The increase in my libido gave me energy. More energy gave me the desire to take better care of myself. Taking better care of myself (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically) made him more attracted to me, which gave me strength. The increase in strength gave me confidence. Confidence made me clearer and sharper. Do you see how this works?

It was a major act of voluntary submission to wake up when my husband woke so I could prepare everything for him for the day while he showered and got ready. I didn’t get it right the first week or so, but now I can do it in my sleep. I prepare his lunch the night before and in the morning I have it packed and ready along with any snacks he needs for the day. I lay out all his supplements. He eats the same thing everyday so I have that down to a science. He also has green tea every morning so I have his to-go cup ready, too. I have come to LOVE doing this for him. I try to anticipate his needs and see how I can better accommodate him. Sometimes I’m very successful and sometimes not so much. We have also established some morning rituals like him kissing me goodbye on my lips and then lifting my shirt and kissing my tits goodbye. Such a great start to the day!

He likes being taken care of and I enjoy taking care of him. Our morning routine sets us up for the day and reinforces our D/s bond. I look forward to this morning ritual because an entire day can go by without hearing a word from him. He may have back to back clients and barely any time to eat lunch and he cannot answer calls or texts while he is with a client. If there’s something urgent or an emergency I can call the front desk. When I hear the garage door open in the evening it is music to my ears.

Keeping your D/s strong and encouraged takes some work, but if you think it through creatively you may be surprised at how a little can go a long way. And remember, it doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s relationship. This is your life and each D/s relationship needs to develop in its own way and in its own time.

 

 

Song of Solomon, Chapter Eight

i want you as more than my Master. i want us to be together always. i want to kiss you in public. i want to be a wife and a submissive according to my mother’s instruction. We could drink from each other whenever we wished.

Ladies, my Sir put his left hand under my head and used his right hand to properly pleasure me. You must make sure you are properly aroused and ready.

Onlookers: There they are together and he is supporting her!

I have awakened you erotically as you knelt before me. Your mother taught you how to submit.

Set me as a seal upon your heart, Sir. Wrap me around your arm as men do according to the command to wrap  tefillin around their arm so that when the leather straps are unwound it leaves marks on the skin as a reminder.

my love for you is as strong as death for when death takes over it is irreversible. i am on fire for you and this fire cannot be quenched. A flood could overtake me and yet i would still burn with passion. i am filled with jealousy and do not want anyone else to have you. If a man were to offer me all of his wealth for my love i would utterly despise him.

We have a little sister at home who is not yet a woman and does not have breasts. She needs to grow and to learn to submit so that she does not choose her own way when the time comes for her to be given.

i am grown and have large, firm breasts.  i learned to submit and through your eyes i have found peace, Sir.

You have taught many submissives and have taught Dominants to care for each of them. Those submissives paid to learn their submission. i do not want that life.

i have my own special place with you, Sir, and i am worth more than all of those submissives. 

Dominants, the submissives are listening for your voice. Possess your submissives and lead them.

i give you all that i am, Sir, and ask you right now to possess all of me. 

Daily Intentions

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Make every day count. You can’t just wing it and hope it’ll all work out in the end. Set your intention for the day. Submit so that you’re open to receive and then you can get through your day with grace. No matter what the day brings you’ll have the strength to persevere with dignity and resolve. Choose love. Choose joy. Choose peace. Thank you, Sir, for teaching me this lesson. Thank you for praying over me everyday and making me part of your daily intention. I love you.