Lessons in Submission – Lesson #3


“My softest whisper should  be your loudest command.” (Coach2dom)

These are the words of my husDom and I am still absorbing their meaning. I have known him for a long time and have seen him coach hundreds of athletes. I have seen him in action as a leader more times than I can count. My Sir doesn’t like to repeat himself over and over. If he’s said it a couple of times then that should be enough. Should he have to tell me the same things over and over before I do them automatically? He asks this of every athlete. He develops athletes and works on their strength, form, and technique. He absolutely expects the athlete to do the drills and workouts and to practice the hand off or the plays so when it comes time to compete they have nothing to fear because it has become a part of them.

I have started using my professional acting training to help me with my submission. Working my submission is the same as portraying a character on stage. I have to know my character (fears, strengths, weakness, likes, dislikes, history). I learn my lines so they become a part of me and so they are automatic. I learn my blocking (stage movement) so that those motions are automatic and flow effortlessly. I learn my mannerisms and character voice so that the character shines and is real.

There was a book that was a requirement at my acting school called Being & Doing by Eric Morris. It teaches how to overcome blocks and fears, how to be authentic, and how to act with integrity and honesty. Once you grasp the BEING then the DOING will be from the heart.


26 thoughts on “Lessons in Submission – Lesson #3

  1. Love this and is just what I needed to read this morning. I tend to make my Husband repeat himself, like I’m still testing to see if He means whatever he has said. That isn’t fair, or very submissive, of me and I really need to work on that.


    • Thanks, shygirl. I totally hear you. I still have a few blocks I’m working through so that is why I started exploring the acting method I used to use to see if I could break through those blocks. There is an area where we both are confused as to why I have such a hard time. He’s repeated himself far too many times and now he’s at his wits end with me on it. I am determined to overcome!


  2. Elle I read your other post on Submission they were informational and so true. Guilty here! In the beginning I couldn’t stop thinking in my head and was trying to lead Sir instead of just listening and following his direction. Sir doesn’t like to repeat himself either and I’ve used my alone time to sit and really think about our life together and that this man knows everything about me and that he would never hurt or put me in harms way. So now I just focus on the love and trust I have in him and let him lead me without fear or over thinking everything in my head.


    • It’s so easy to overthink everything. For me sometimes it’s a matter of spacing out. One of my triggers is feeling overwhelmed. When I have too much on my plate I shut down and then I don’t do what I’m supposed to do. When I’m overwhelmed I’m a very bad submissive. My other way of being was to get super bossy so I could get it all done. I can’t be like that anymore so now I shut down.


      • When our son was young I used to feel like you I felt that no matter what I did or how much I did was never good enough or completed. That Sir and I would have shouting matches for hours and I would only see me never considering him and what he dealt with everyday.I would get wicket bossy were I would end up throwing something to get my point across. Now I have time to sit and go over those times in my head and realize that we wasted precious time together over trying to top each other for nothing that really mattered…that it was all stupid crap. Now that its only us in our home and were doing D/s not once have I felt the need to be bossy and top him.I believe its because I have so
        much time to empty my head and relax and stay submissive all the time that its easy. All I can say Elle is find away to get a day for just you so you can empty you head and relax. i left Lk an email saying we should 3 way after the holiday just to laugh our asses off and relax abit.


  3. We have all came to the same conclusion that this s a real problem in D/s~M . We’ve asked them to take charge and they have. Now when our Doms speak they want our immediate attention, not when were done typing this sentence, not when where done listening what the kids are arguing about, not when the next commercial comes on…. Right Freakin Now! I’m in trouble this week for having vanilla ears…. Only listening when I want. My mouth (vanilla) has been ordering Sir what he is supposed to be doing and ordering him to do things… I’m not hearing what I’m saying the way he’s hearing it said. The old vanilla ways slip in… When you least expect it. So Subs… How do we fix it?
    How and what do we do to remind us to be mindful?
    LK ❤🐇


    • That sounds like me last week! It was rough and I had too much on my mind. My problem is overwhelm…plain and simple. Am I the only one out there with this problem? I used to get really bossy when there was too much on my plate and it was my way of coping to get through it all (more of my corporate days). But since I had kids I just shut down when I’m overwhelmed. I need to structure my day better so that when we’re together my head isn’t in a million other places.


      • “Structure my day better”….I need that too! Since Im a teacher, (homeschool) we take the summers off, and I try to be so structured through the school year that the summer is a free for all. Unfortunately I’m not getting everything done that I need to. I’ve got a list of goals, I wrote them to myself in my journal. But I showed them to Sir. He is very good at structure, and very organized. Maybe this sounds weird….but he is helping me to work at my goals, helping me to accomplish the things I want to get done. This is part of our circle….he’s type A personality, and I’m the EXACT opposite! So we really feed off each other strengths. Without his help….I would be a beach bum hippie laying around all day reading books!


        • I have a type A husband, too. I have a structured side to me, but she really only works for money. Maybe my husband can pay me to get my goals done? I’d strip for him for money, too. Lap dance? Peep show?

          My nature is to be hanging out with you on that beach and swapping books. My other hobbies are people-watching and laughing so there you go!


  4. I know I push and test him. It makes him crazy. And I am not always sure why I do. My own insecurities come to the top. So I made his icon on my phone a simple statement. DONT POKE THE BEAR. A reminder to be obedient. I can not wait until our lives gets back to its normal schedule. I am lost without OUR routine. I pause to take his photos and then realize I don’t have to. And it saddens me. I want those rules and whats more I need them, and him.


    • Oh, girl, I hear you. My husband works such long hours, 6 days a week. When he’s home his time is split between the kids and me and there just isn’t enough of him to go around. I go through these high-low peaks every week and it can wear me out.

      I love DON’T POKE THE BEAR. Mine should be DON’T TEMPT THE TIGER.


  5. Working on it is better than not. Remember, being a Dom doesn’t mean he is always right and being a sub doesn’t mean that you are immune to an occasional knee jerk. Love both the perfection and the impurities of each other and the process will also be enjoyable .


  6. Seems I was meant to read this today. A few days ago, I also reverted back to my vanilla role in order to try to “manage” things and guard myself. It was not good for the both of us. 😦
    Thankfully he put a stop to my behavior. I am so glad he did in the way that makes me respond to him. 🙂
    Great quote. I love it.


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