I Lost My Virginity!

Let me explain. Last week, on Valentine’s Day, we celebrated our 25th anniversary. We had an amazing and long overdue weekend together, filled with lots of sex, bondage, and play, lots of laughter, and lots of love. It was just the two of us and we didn’t have to worry about bumping into anyone we knew. We stayed at a beautiful hotel in a very kinky city, ate fabulous food (crème brûlée  is such a sexy dessert), shared fantasies and dreams, and simply enjoyed each other immensely.

Leading up to the weekend we had a series of breakthroughs, which we continue to explore, and all I can say is that opening up to each other in the way that we have has made all the difference in the world. I’ll tell you this, in the past I thought we had experienced breakthroughs, but you really know you’ve had one when it has the power to transform you in the blink of an eye. It was an instant, and dare I say, miraculous metamorphosis. Everything we had been doing and feeling up until now prepared us for this transfiguration. It has been an exotic, erotic, esoteric, and a truly euphoric couple of weeks. Right now I am especially proud of how I made such good use of the letter “E”.

Now, about that virginity – I am no longer a strip club virgin! On the evening of our anniversary we went to a very upscale Gentlemen’s Club and I enjoyed it with a big fat smile on my face and very wet panties, well not really because I wasn’t wearing any panties. I wore a slinky low cut red dress that showed off my endowment quite nicely (a good push up bra makes all the difference), a pair of corset-laced fishnet stockings, a sexy waist cincher garter belt, and a gorgeous pair of peep-toe, black patent leather stiletto shoe-booties. I totally rocked that ensemble.
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No VIP room this time around, but we have plans (big plans) for the very near future at what we’ve heard is an especially sexy club where we live.

I always thought I didn’t want to go to a strip club and for a long time it was a hard limit for me. This is a classic example of when a hard limit may not actually be a hard limit. You see, I had a fear that he would think less of me if I wanted to go. He never wanted to pressure me, so even though I said I would go if he wanted me to, he would always say no. His thinking was that I was only saying yes for him, and even though there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, he wanted to know for a fact that it was something I desired. Part of the breakthrough was knocking down those kinds of walls.

Just this morning we talked about willful submission and what that means to him. He’s not the kind of Dom that will use force to break me. He wants me to give myself over in every way because that is my true desire…and it is. Don’t get me wrong, he will push my limits, but his philosophy is that if he has to hem and haw to get me to submit then we have a serious problem. He’s been patient, and even when it looked like we weren’t moving forward, we were indeed moving rapidly. Oh yes, he had a plan all along, and he was going to do it his way because no one knows me better and knows exactly what I need to grow.

We stand before each other today as husband and wife, Dominant and submissive, Lovers, Best Friends, and Partners in all manner of soon-to-be-fulfilled erotic fantasies. Oh, if you only knew! 2014 is shaping up to be one damn fine year!

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Happy Anniversary

Brick by brick we kicked them down
Who’s that saying stay in your bounds?
We’ve risen to a higher ground

Now we’re living life as it should be
Can you believe our fantasies?
It’s always been just you and me

We’re doing it our way
We’re both here to stay
It’s a new day
They can’t take that away

Show me everything you see
I hope you know I’m here to please?
You always give just the right tease

We both have so much more to live
Do you know how much I want to give?
I’m your loving submissive

We’re doing it our way
We’re both here to stay
It’s a new day
They can’t take that away

Happy 25th Anniversary to my fucking hot as hell husband and most amazing Dominant. I love you, baby, and always will.

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Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?

HA!!!!! The answer is a big fat YES! Tell us something we don’t know NY Times!

Here is The New York Times Magazine article and it’s good.

Here’s the data from the American Sociological Review

Read The Times article if you or your husband are trying to work through difficult issues in D/s. I think you’ll find some valuable information. It’s very well written. I don’t like some of the conclusions drawn in the end because they aren’t looking at this from the perspective we have in the community, but there is some really good food for thought and can really get you and your spouse talking openly and honestly.

Let me know what you think!

~Elle

How to be a Submissive Wife

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Across the internet you will find such a variety of information on this topic that your head may just pop off from all the confusion. If you’re married and you and your spouse actively engage in a D/s dynamic I would bet my right arm you did not start out that way. This is something you came across from reading or a having a random conversation with a friend and it spoke to you on a profound level. Here’s the thing, most websites out there don’t understand the unique challenges married women like us face. Roles may have been deeply established for over 20 years and making a transition and releasing your control and having your husband establish firm leadership and control may take some time. You have to break old habit patterns or else you’ll be like the Titanic with its puny rudder trying to make that turn to avoid the iceberg. You must navigate these waters with a keen eye and you must view him and your roles in the relationship differently.

For anyone who’s curious about this lifestyle I would say you must begin releasing that control before you ever have a conversation with him and ask him to be your Dominant. That conversation will be so much easier if he’s already started seeing changes. You must use wisdom here because a major lifestyle change does not happen overnight and there is no one formula that will magically transport you both into your new D/s roles.

I have spent a couple of years reading and reading and when I find something good, I like to pass it on. I hope you enjoy what I found. It comes from The Thinking Housewife and it’s an answer to a reader’s question.

Enjoy! ~Elle

http://www.thinkinghousewife.com/wp/2010/04/how-to-be-a-submissive-wife/

How to be a Submissive Wife

A READER WRITES:

I’ve been going through much thinking about myself and my role in my marriage. I truly believe that I am meant to be the best housewife and homemaker for my family through being submissive, as it describes in the Bible. I already consider myself a bit controlling (not mean though), but unmasking my ultra-feminine self and doing everything to make my husband and home happy and memorable is what I feel is my life’s purpose.

Problem? I’m married to what I consider a “beta male.” He financially provides for my family very well, but when it comes to everything else, I’m the one in charge. I plan everything from our meals, outings, children’s schooling and academics, even the home we live in and the vehicles we drive (although his own car was completely his choice). This is a controlling female’s dream I guess, but I just am confounded at my role as a “submissive wife” to a man that’s is 100 percent comfortable with me making all the decisions. I’m not uncomfortable being the “sole spender” and am happy to buy whatever I please without him jumping down my throat about it….I’m very grateful he isn’t controlling or a jerk, but I just am curious if you can tell me what your idea of being a submissive wife is, and how I could possibly be one with my beta husband?

I just want to unleash the ultra-feminine core of myself…and be great doing it.

Laura writes

I admire your desire to do the best for your marriage and your awareness of the danger in always taking charge.

If your husband is supporting you and your children on his own, he is not a “beta” male, no matter how much in manner or domestic decision-making you may feel he resembles one. When you are in the process of making a decision, do you ask for his help? If so, does he decline to help? He may actually be leaving these things up to you out of deference, a desire not to tread on your turf, and he may not sense that you want help. I wouldn’t ask him to be generally more involved in decisions, but take each one as it happens and request his input. We all would like our spouses to intuitively grasp what we want, but that often doesn’t happen. If he is leaving discipline of your children entirely up to you, I would suggest the same thing. Let him know you are struggling or overwhelmed in the face of some problem. A wife generally knows what children need better than a working husband. You may have to let him know more than once, especially if he is busy. Be patient with this and be confident that he will eventually help. The sort of “alpha male” you envision is partly the creation of the love and tenderness of a wife, who lets a man know where he is needed.

Many women make the important decisions about home and children. Think of the husband as delegating this reponsibility to the wife. A submissive role does not mean a woman has no authority of her own. In all probability, your husband is too busy to think of these things and trusts your judgment. So you are being submissive to him in taking on these responsibilities. I realize all these decisions can be burdensome. If you are tired of always being in charge, you might say to your husband, in a moment when he himself is not preoccupied and burdened, that you often question your own decisions and feel the stress of keeping things in order.  Try not to second-guess yourself. You are not perfect and are going to make some wrong choices. Don’t judge yourself harshly if you make a bad decision. You are trying and that is what matters.

Try to resist at all costs adding up what you are doing against what he is doing. Don’t keep a balance sheet. Whenever you feel this inclination coming on, fight it. A marriage counselor I once met at a social gathering told me that there are three phases to every marriage: 1) Infatuation 2) Power struggle 3) Mature love. Here we see what’s wrong with marriage therapy. At no point should a marriage be a power struggle. To view it that way is to pervert it. She seemed to be saying this was a perfectly normal and inevitable part of marriage.

A submissive wife is someone who does not rule a husband with her moods and emotions and who devotes herself to making a man’s life better. Male authority is loving oversight and resolve, a form of detachment from the hothouse of conflict that family life often resembles. When we talk about submission and authority in marriage, we are referring to something entirely different from roles in other spheres of life. It’s not the same thing as an employer/employee relationship. It always occurs in the context of love.

In general, a woman who wants a man to be more masculine must let him see her vulnerability and weakness. If she appears always in charge and in no need of his competence, he may withdraw from the field of action. I’m not suggesting a woman feign helplessness, but that she should let him see and help him understand her inadequacies. Most men want to protect the people they love. Typically, a man will respond to a plea for help out of this natural instinct provided that the plea is not part of an attack on his character or on his past actions. A submissive wife who demands a man be in control or who criticizes him for not being in control is not a submissive wife at all.

My Truth ~ Part Three: The Woods

Part One, Part Two

My father moved us from the NYC area, where almost all the relatives lived, upstate, about 45 miles north of the city. It was a lake community where he used to spend parts of his summers as a young boy. Some of the extended family had already migrated there and he used to stay with them. In his mind it was idyllic and just the place to raise a large family who needed room to run around and be safe.

My father and great uncle built almost the entire house themselves. They had contractors for some things, but they did nearly everything else. Like all Italian families that had a widowed grandmother, they built an entire apartment for her. My grandmother had half the downstairs of our house and it was a very nice, fully-equipped apartment.

In back of our house was one of the oldest reservoirs in the U.S. Surrounding the reservoir was state park land and our property went up against that land. We had close to 3 acres and most of it was wooded. My father didn’t like lawn and kept it all minimal. When I tell you the area was wooded, it is an understatement. This is gorgeous country with maple, birch, and pine trees as far as you can see. The water was clean so we of course put up a tire swing. I played in those woods nearly everyday because in a town such as this there was only so much you could do to occupy your time. We would ride our bikes for miles, swim until our lungs were spent, play baseball until the fireflies came out, target shoot with our BB guns, collect bugs, dig up night crawlers and fish the day away, and hike in the woods.

Kindergarten through 5th grade were the best years of my adolescence. Whatever problems went on in the house seemed to go away pretty quickly or I just stayed in my room to read and color and I blocked it all out. I also masturbated to relieve any household tension (see Part Two) so I was just a happy kid.

My two oldest brothers got into big trouble when I was in 6th grade (1976) and were given the option of jail time or the Marines. My father made them join the Marines. The second oldest was required to graduate high school first and the oldest took his GED and went right into Basic Training. We didn’t have a judge, just a Justice of the Peace, and wouldn’t you know it, he was one of my dad’s cousins, whom we called uncle. How embarrassing! What was the crime? Supposedly a guy stole a lot of tools from our garage so my brothers stole his car, took it apart piece by piece, and buried those pieces in the woods. The ultimate prank with a heavy price.

The summer between 5th grade and 6th grade I was hiking through the woods like I frequently would when suddenly I was grabbed from behind and thrown down onto the soft bed of pine needles off of the motorcycle path that ran through about 3 miles of the woods behind my house. I rolled over thinking it was one of my brothers, but standing above me were 3 girls, older sisters of some neighborhood girls I used to play with. I tried to jump up because I knew I was in for a fight but they overpowered me. One girl knelt behind me and held down my arms while another girl actually straddled me and sat on my stomach and hips. I couldn’t move, but I tried and tried to break free. I thought they were going to beat me up, but the next thing I knew my shorts and underwear were ripped off by the third girl who then held down my legs and did something that totally took my by surprise; she started licking me with her tongue. I know I was screaming for her to stop. I know I was bucking my hips and trying so very hard to free my arms and legs. I felt the weight of the girl on my hips and all my attempts at bucking her off exhausted me. The girl that held down my arms and the girl sitting on top of me leaned in over me and started making out. It was right about that time that I remember having an orgasm. I was soaked in sweat. They all took turns on me several times and I had an orgasm each time. Once they were through they forced me to go down on each of them. I can’t remember how long that went on. I remember hearing the wolves howling in the distance because it had gotten dark, but the moon was bright and was shining through a clearing and lit up the area where we were. I then heard my name being called by several people, which made the girls jump up, but before they ran off I was given a warning to never tell anyone or they would kick my ass. Once they were gone I scrambled to put my underwear and shorts back on and I started making my way toward the voices. I heard my father and ran as fast as I could toward him. I heard him yell, “There she is” and once I could see him I ran into his arms. I was crying hysterically and he scooped me up and carried me all the while saying, “I’ve got you now. I’ve got you.” I don’t remember much after that because I was beyond exhausted. I took a bath and ate a huge bowl of spaghetti. My father tucked me into bed. I don’t even think I cried myself to sleep because I was so tired I pretty much passed out.

The official story was that I got lost in the woods. Anyone who knows me knows that could never happen. I knew those woods like the backs of my hands. I even carved markers into trees so I would never get lost. I read enough fairy tales to know that The Enchanted Forest is a very dangerous place so you’d better make sure you can find your way home. It took me 11 years to find my home.

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Those are the actual woods