Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?

HA!!!!! The answer is a big fat YES! Tell us something we don’t know NY Times!

Here is The New York Times Magazine article and it’s good.

Here’s the data from the American Sociological Review

Read The Times article if you or your husband are trying to work through difficult issues in D/s. I think you’ll find some valuable information. It’s very well written. I don’t like some of the conclusions drawn in the end because they aren’t looking at this from the perspective we have in the community, but there is some really good food for thought and can really get you and your spouse talking openly and honestly.

Let me know what you think!

~Elle

12 thoughts on “Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?

  1. Thanks for posting this article which touches on a topic I frequently discuss with male friends/lovers. What i find most interesting is that this probably doesn’t bother the wives so much as the husbands. Or does it? Additionally, there’s a growing fringe group of males who are touting this kind of research to support “traditional marriages” (and all that term implies) called Red Pill/Blue Pill. Fascinating post. Thank you!

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    • So many angles to look at. I grew up in a house of boys and the one thing I know without a doubt is that men and women are different. If I wanted all things equal and no sex I would much prefer living with a female best friend. I want a lover, a dominant, a manly-sexy as hell-take me and shake me- sexy ass-fuck me all night-spank me-tie me up and make me scream-MAN. I’ll wash the dishes for that. He can admire my ass while I do it!

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  2. I’d like to link to this later tonight. I think it’s great, but I want to come at it from a single ( not married ) D/s perspective. Would that be ok?

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    • Absolutely. Whatever kind of dynamic is fine with me. I think all areas need to be explored and this article is a great jumping off place for some really good questions and hopefully some answers as well. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  3. I come to this topic as a woman about to turn 60, so please forgive my honesty. A: Nothing in this world is 50/50. There is always a dominate and a submissive in everything that happens on this planet. I am not married but was for 20 years in a marriage that tried to work on this principle. I felt like I let all womankind down when I left. I left 11 years ago. I have had much time to reflect. I am not sure that equality is a comfortable position to be in because it creates a “judgment” mentality. There is always the question hanging in the air. Is this fair? Well, after years of reflection, hours spent reading and reflecting, I have come to the decision that equality in a relationship, and I don’t really care what type of relationship we are talking about, there is one who is dominant and one who is submissive. My question to all of you is “when do we adjust and call being submissive normal?” I ask this as a partner in a company, I ask this as a woman, I ask this as just one more person just walking down the road we call life. Being dominant has it’s own challenges, for I am that person at business. Being submissive has it’s challenges, for that is who I am when I come home. After several very long years I found myself in a D/s relationship, I can say I am completely willing to be submissive in this life. It was like finally finding the right airport after several lifetimes of circling for a landing. I am not saying that all women are submissive, I am, however, saying that we all have one leaning or the other.
    B: At what point do we shut out the media, our friends, family and all other interested parties and live as our authentic selves? As I look at other women I hope the answer is sooner rather than later. You have no side you belong on, you already know within your soul where your home is.
    Thank you for giving me a voice for just a bit.
    renee

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    • Hi renee! Thank you for your honesty and your insight; that is exactly what I was hoping this article would inspire. I totally agree that nothing is 50/50, but you made the statement of the year when you wrote that pushing for equality creates a “judgment mentality.” Sadly, this is the way of modern society in that everyone is looking at what the other has and trying to evenly distribute everything. That mentality kills inspiration, aspiration, and plain-old hard work. In a marriage, it eventually kills sex and can so easily kills the marriage.

      I am 48, my husband is 55, and we’ll be married 25 years on the 14th. We spent most of our marriage trying to even out the scales and we really thought for a long time that it was the right thing to do. We succumbed to mediocre sex with occasional fireworks and argument upon argument (all to do with who didn’t do what). We each had deep longings in our hearts for so much more. My husband is Dominant and I am submissive, but did we ever attempt to suppress those inclinations, which made me bitterly dominant and him just plain mad if I tried to get him to submit. Of all places, we learned the 50/50 mentality from church! There was a veneer of men being in charge when in reality the wives were. The last 2 years have been spent reordering our lives according to how we best function. Like you said, “It was like finally finding the right airport after several lifetimes of circling for a landing.” I feel alive for the first time and we have never been happier.

      My husband wants me to strive for goals and he wants me strong, smart, and confident. Now when there is a need in the household he takes the lead to decide the best course of action, which could be completely delegating to me and even giving me autonomy, but the decision is his.Sadly, society has a negative view of submission and I think an even more negative view of dominant men. I guess all we can do is be our authentic selves and teach others to do the same.

      Stop by anytime, renee!

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  4. I thought this was such a great read and there is a lot of truth to it. I need to read it more thoroughly but it is consistent with my experience. That said, I would not want to have the kind of ultra traditional marriage that my parents had.

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    • Those ultra traditional marriages we based on women being very inferior and I agree that we don’t need to go back to that. This is why, at least for me, the D/s dynamic works and helps me be the best version of myself. Thanks so much for sharing!

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  5. Really great topic! I grew up seeing the same thing in the church, power struggle and ALOT of women even ignoring scripture to teach over the men and elders and the men just going with it….however I think my mom was a great example of a submissive wife. She taught me a lot and I’ve held onto many of her teachings.
    So many marriages falling apart…how can it not be linked to progressive feminism and emasculation of men.

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    • I wish more women in the church were like your mom. I looked for a female mentor, but couldn’t find anyone. I’ve had Pastor’s wives say things to me like, “Oh what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Isn’t that insane? We live in an emasculation nation, that’s for sure.

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