21 Strange Things About Me

Here’s my quirkiness on a platter for your amusement. I am having a lovely and lazy Saturday morning and I thought maybe some of you would like to know a few things. Here goes:

1) I can sound exactly like a horse. I started doing it when I worked on a thoroughbred horse farm in high school. It strips my vocal cords so I don’t do it anymore.

2) Speaking of vocal cords, I’m a pretty good singer and a pretty good dancer, too. I grew up doing musical theater and worked at being a triple threat.

3) I sang in a band for a short time my senior year in high school. I was very late for rehearsal one day and thank God I was because everyone in the band had just gotten busted for possession of cocaine.

4) I have had a lot of jobs over the years… A LOT! I am a Jill of all trades and a master of nothing. I have natural talents and have honed some skills…I’m a great cook and I’m really good with taxes…but as for making either of those my profession, I’m not interested. I’ve mainly worked as an executive assistant and office manager for a variety of businesses. I’ve also spent time as an assistant biblical researcher/assistant editor and as an event planner…all on the job training. I’m known for picking things up quickly and for my work ethic, which has kept me employed as necessary. I’m pretty dang good at acing a job interview.

5) When I was pregnant with our son I formed an improv/sketch comedy group and wrote, directed, and produced irreverent bible-themed comedy. The first drafts of the scripts we wrote were dirty and raunchy. By the time they got to stage they were cleaned up, but the original scripts stayed in our heads and we would purposely throw things out at each other on stage to bust each other up. I had a group of 20-somethings that kept me on my toes. Coach even performed with us in several productions..

6) I love spa treatments – massages, facials, mani/pedis – I love it all. However, it can get expensive so I do many things at home. Right now I’m into microneedling and I am getting fantastic results. I also have a compulsion to keep my feet as soft and smooth as a baby’s bottom. Speaking of feet, I have cute, tiny toes.

7) I directed and produced several musicals for youth theater, including The Sound of Music. Our daughter was 3 at the time and went to every rehearsal with me. She memorized the entire script and score including every dance, costume change, and all of the blocking. Today, at 12, her favorite school subject is Latin, which she has been taking since PreK. I want to be her when I grow up.

8) I love cats. Right now we only have one, a Russian Blue name Buddy. He’s officially our daughter’s cat. Before Buddy we had 3 cats and a dog. All of them died of old age and we remained pet-less for 4 years. The family wants a dog now, but I would like another cat. Cats are mysterious and I’m drawn to that.

9) When I was 17 and a senior in high school I had a Swedish boyfriend who was in college (I did not date high school boys and I had a thing for accents). We were very hot and heavy, but I was determined to remain a virgin through high school. He snuck me into his basement bedroom one night while he was home for spring break and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was ready. We were going at each other with all our young hormones firing off and I was dripping wet. We were both kneeling with my back to his chest when he suddenly pushed me down onto the bed. He had every intention of taking my virginity, but we were wet and very slippery and it was pitch black and…he got the wrong hole! Yes, that’s right, I lost my anal virginity first. I’m a special girl because it didn’t hurt at all!

10) I have 2 speeds – stop and go. I am either cleaning my house top to bottom or watching piles grow. I’m not a hoarder, though, and if clutter gets to a certain point I start pitching at a furious pace. I will watch that show Hoarders for motivation and then go into a cleaning frenzy.

11) I can laugh really loud and if things are really funny I snort.

12) I have a weird fantasy of being a mathematician. Every now and then I have a dream of being struck by lightening and when I wake in the hospital I am able to do extraordinarily complex mathematical calculations in my head. I am then brought into an international think tank where I unlock the secrets of quantum physics.

13) Sex on an out-cropping of lava rocks at sunset on a beach in Kauai. I’m just saying.

14) I was invited to a party while in theater school and unbeknownst to me it was an orgy of what had to be at least 30 people. I didn’t have time to do a head count and I think I lost my ability to count in that moment. It took what seemed like an eternity for my brain to register what my eyes were seeing. Then I felt a hand grab my ankle and I high-tailed it out of there. To this day those images swirl around in my mind. You can’t un-see certain things. At the same time, I really got intrigued. I have some crazy parties in my mind and if you’re ever allowed entrance you’re in for a real treat πŸ˜‰

15) I ran up Masada in Israel, floated in the Dead Sea, danced with IDF soldiers at a club in Tiberias on the banks of the Sea of Galilee, rescued a teen from the hands of 2 slimey European men at a club in Jerusalem, and I even saved my own life when a man lunged at me and put his hands between my legs and tried to force me to go with him while I was resting from a hike at Ein Gedi. He was only speaking Arabic, but understood the rock I had in my hand and knew what it meant when I waved my wedding ring in his face and screamed at the top of my lungs that I was married. He ran when he heard the voices of the men in our group, who heard my screams, calling out to me.

16) I rescued a man in Grand Central Station who was being attacked by a homeless man. If you haven’t guessed, I fight back and have an unusually strong survival and rescue instinct. I took a test once that said I would make an excellent fire fighter, police officer, or do well in the military.

17) I am distantly related to The Incredible Hulk.

18) I can play 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Damn, that man gets around!

19) I have very eclectic taste in music and know the lyrics to a lot of songs. My dad used to sing opera and at one time I played the flute (1st chair), but I sold my flute for drug money in 10th grade. I love a great guitar solo, the deep groin stirring resonance of a bass guitar, the ass shaking rhythm of congas, pitch perfect harmonies, and the sexy seduction of a saxophone. You’ve got to love an instrument that uses a flutter tongue technique to create a raspy, growling sound. I make that same sound when I’m flutter tongued.

20) My taste in everything is eclectic and I have no real favorite anything. I thrive on variety. My taste in food ranges from Italian to Greek to Spanish to Portuguese to Middle Eastern and even Caribbean (mainly Puerto Rican, Cuban, and Dominican). I’ve been blessed to know people from all around the world who have taught me how to cook such a wide variety of delicious ethnic dishes. I do know that I like strong flavors.

21) I’m giving you 21 because I was 21 when I met my husband and #21 on my list of Kama Sutra sex positions is called The Hero. Coach is my hero and #21 is a really good position for G-spot orgasms.

39 thoughts on “21 Strange Things About Me

  1. And just when you thought you knew someone… *smile*

    Seriously, what a wonderful insight and view of someone who I admire… Just love your global view and tastes for life, music and cultured spaces and foods. And your champion for those in need of assistance gives us such a unique vision and respect… and it sounds like your children have had such a wonderful role model and example in their choices and ideals they are pursuing…

    Thank You for an enlightening look into your world…–Joseph

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    • Oh, goodness, Joseph, what sweet things to say! I’m glad you enjoyed my list. I know that being raised in New York (NYC, Mt Vernon, and a small town reachable by the last stop on the Metro North line) gave me the hunger for diversity.

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    • I’m glad someone can finally relate to #12! Everyone thinks I’m insane for that one. I hate day-to-day cleaning. The bigger cleaning projects are more my thing. If all our money wasn’t going to private school tuition (Oy!) we’d hire a cleaning service for the everyday …and go on vacations…and get new flooring…and fix the fencing…and replace the couch…double Oy! It’s worth it, though. The kids are thriving.

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  2. Wow I love this, a taste of utter brilliance on your part xx

    I myself am a cat lover, I just adore them, I have always had them as part of my life even when I was little and the first one was imaginary until my parents caved in xx your just so great xx thank you for sharing this x

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    • I am going to have to hear that sound! I’m holding you to it. That sound and the sound of someone eating popcorn are the two most annoying sounds to my hubs. He can’t handle it and it keeps us from going to the movies.

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  3. This is great! I love getting little sneak peaks into people’s lives. I too laugh loud and snort, although if it’s pee your pants funny and I’ve been whaling for awhile than my laugh starts sounding like the cartoon character Muttley. πŸ™‚ I love ethnic food, what’s that even mean any more? lol So much so though that I often refer to myself as a flavor whore, fuck I love spice. #12 had me giggling. I don’t have that dream, but I do have a weird tic that involves mathematical sequences and if for some reason you ever throw a #14 I’m volunteering my party planning skills. πŸ˜‰

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    • I’ve done that Muttley sound and that’s how I sound when I lose my voice from laughing so hard. True, we seem to have ethnic food everywhere, but I like finding out how to make those regional-never find in a restaurant-dishes. As for #12, I count everything. I have to tell myself not to count because I seem to space out when I do it. Really? You’ll help me throw a #14? Bet you if I Googled orgy planning I’ll find a checklist.

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      • My husband always makes fun of me when I start laughing that hard, then he’ll start tickling me to get me to keep doing it. So he can laugh at me some more. πŸ™‚ The only thing I can think of that I make traditionally and from a recipe that’s been passed down over 100 years is lefse.
        Oh and just so you know, you are right. Google would not fail you on #14. haha

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  4. Oh, Elle, I know why I like you so much… we have so much in common! Lots of musical theatre but nowhere near a triple threat–but have performed on big stage, costumed, choreographed and blocked; 2, 4, 8, 9 (foreign and older men, not the anal virginity first!), 10 (OM, yes, this is totally me!!), 11, 15 (although my “adventures” were in Italy and Sardenia… my dream is Israel someday); 19 (merengue rocks, wish I got more flutter tongue…); and 20 FOR SURE! Love Lebanese, Cuban, Greek, Brazil (love Feijoada); and 21 sounds great and will be on my wish list (sorta kinda been there, mostly by accident)!

    This was great!! Thanks for the insights into what makes you so special!!

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    • A fellow thespian! I do miss performing in productions and directing one is no small task. I’ve taken improv classes, but had never performed so when the opportunity came up to form a group I jumped at the chance. I found out that I loved writing comedy. Everyone would come to our house for major writing sessions. I’d cook these huge meals and we’d write, laugh, and talk late into the night. I’m still great friends with this group of people.

      Dang those piles! I am only like that at home, though. On the job I am extremely organized and methodical. I plan and I get the job done well and on time. I guess if you put it all out there at work it’s hard to come home and do it too. Home is my haven and respite from the world.

      Italy is my dream. I still have family there. My cousin speaks fluent Italian and is in contact with them. I saw a pic of a group of female cousins and you can insert my face and you would think separated at birth.

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  5. Okay, that was a good list so I’ll only ask two questions.
    1 – What were you really thinking when you picked up that rock?
    2 – What are the true ingredients of a Greek tomato salad?

    Other than that, how do I get a holiday party invite to you?

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    • If he did one more thing I would have killed him on the spot and made every international paper. The words in my head were a stream were every foul word you could ever imagine. But the main phrase was, “You will die today.”

      Greeks salads, as most know them, are made for tourists. My Greek friend said that it’s all subject the what’s in season. but there is the one salad with tomatoes, oregano, feta cheese, onions, capers, olives and is served on or with a hard barley bread that has been soaked in olive oil and red wine vinegar. But I’ve heard so many Greeks argue over it and that’s because, like Italy, every region and even sub-region has their own. That’s the beauty of peasant food. Variations everywhere.

      A holiday party invite to the Bat Cave and blow my secret identity?

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