Coming Out of The Dark

Names and and faces have come through my life.
Many have heard my heart, wiped my tears, laughed along, spent some time, and then they were gone.

Some people will say they want unadulterated honesty. You’ll hear them say, “Just be you. Be real. You can trust me with your heart,” but they really can’t handle what and who you are because they only want to hear the good and not the bad. If something goes wrong it becomes your fault, but it’s not your fault because allowing yourself to be vulnerable will open you up to a myriad of thoughts, ideas, and emotions you didn’t even know you had.

If you dare ask to see the real person you better be ready to take what comes when the mask and armor are removed… They may say and do things you don’t understand.
They may not make sense.
They may contradict themselves.
They may seem irrational at times.

A turning point occurred in my life two years ago. I opened my heart like never before and the love of my life received it. Since that day I keep opening…he keeps opening…and we keep receiving each other. Tragedy happened last year and we learned even more, gave even more, received even more. We saw each other’s hearts and souls and a new trust and resolve emerged, but we still wore the mask and armor in front of the world. Then some asked to see what lay beneath, and longing to be truly understood, I bared my soul. I should have walked in wisdom. I should have seen the agenda. I know better.

Our masks and armor are charming and funny, light and easy, with barely a care in the world. If you asked to see the real, got a glimpse of what lived underneath, and then demanded the masks be put back on, you didn’t deserve to have that little peak of real. There were those who only wanted the pretty…
They really enjoyed the good.
They barely tolerated the bad.
They ran like hell from the ugly.

Here’s a secret…hiding within the ugly is true beauty, like a seed in the soil. Those who have the patience to water and weed, give warmth and light, protect from the elements are those who get the privilege of reaping the reward of the fruit that is destined to emerge. Those who ran away will never know because of selfishness. So ignorant were they that they mistook the mask and armor for the fruit.

Our fruit is reserved for just a select few to enjoy. If someone chooses to give you their hard-earned fruit accept as if you just received the grandest prize. You may only be given one opportunity to prove you are worthy to receive it.

There are some who will get in the darkness with you and encourage you to explore it…
They will hold your hand and even lead you through.
They have no fear of your darkness because they have already explored their own.
They know your darkness is the place of your most hidden desires.
They know it’s your secret place where your true self resides. They know how to coax it out so it can live and grow in the light.
They know shame can transform into boldness.

I lived in shame for too long. That shame created guilt, which created fear, which created anger, which created depression. It was never the bad that happened to me, but it was instead the suppression of my true self. I’ve shed my shame and I don’t feel guilty over what I’ve opened up. There is no more fear, there is no more anger, and now that sadness is melting away. I’ve come out of the darkness and into the light.