I Looked Inside My Soul Today

I looked inside my soul today
I took a look around
This woman has been healed at last
Was lost, but now I’m found

I looked inside my soul today
I wanted to explore
There’s no more hold back from the past
With wings I now do soar

I looked inside my soul today
I searched for the real me
She’s laughing loud and running fast
The wild girl is free


Explosive Power Training Phase

In my first post I briefly talked about Elle being ready for explosive power training. Some of you wanted to know what it is. Athletically, I don’t implement this aspect into any training until a foundation has been laid. Explosive power training involves plyometrics and you have to have a level of strength before attempting plyos. Plyos help your body convert strength into power. My job is to make that explosion quicker.

How does this relate to Elle being my submissive? Explosive power training for her is about her responsiveness. My goal is that she picks up on the subtlty. I want her to read me the way I read her. I want her aware and I want her to be able to react automatically. I don’t mean like a robot, but I want her to be just as instinctive with me as I am with her.

This isn’t about her being perfect, but it’s about being able to keep moving through even if something doesn’t go right. I don’t want her fighting herself anymore and doubting herself. A good coach-athlete relationship works this way. It almost seems like you’re not coaching anymore, but it’s because the athlete picks up on the smallest nuance and can make the adjustment without hesitation. My plans for her require this level of connection between us.

The video below is a visual of what it looks like to me. This girl gets right back up and continues. She doesn’t stay down. Her mind, heart, and body just react to the situation as she’s been trained. Notice she still runs relaxed even after falling. She’s smooth and she has grace.




The Total Package

He was a jock, the quarterback, very popular. He was tall and tan and was so very good looking. I was also a jock, but I was also an artist and performer. He wouldn’t give me the time of day.

He was a rebel, a bad boy on self-destruct. He had copper hair, a chiseled jaw, and a smile that could make you melt . He would take any dare and played a wicked game of pool. He strung me along, as bad boys do, and I finally had to walk away.

He was a blonde haired, blue eyed Swede and although he lived in the U.S. since he was in middle school, he never quite lost all of his accent. He was in college. I thought I was in love. He would sit me in his lap and brush my hair. He would pick out clothes and dress me. He always wanted to know what I was doing – the books I was reading, the music I was listening to, where I went and with whom, the clothes I wore, and what I ate. No one had ever given me that much attention. I received a letter that said, in part, “You are a waste of time and a waste of money.”

He rode a Harley. He was my protector. He was very strong. He treated me well. He was gentle. He hated the Swede. They were long time enemies. He was the rebound guy.

He was from a very wealthy family, expensive NYC prep school. Trust fund. Highly educated parents. Very important father with an equally important mother. They lived in a spectacular brownstone in an exclusive neighborhood in the city. I was a novelty, a summer fling, a fuck in the horse barn, something to pass the time, too ethnic. I was out of my league. I was too poor.

He was Portuguese with a very thick accent. I picked him out at a dance club, walked up to him, and asked him to dance. I told him to buy me a drink. Many drinks and dances later I told him to fuck me in his car. He did whatever I said whenever I said. I used him for months and dumped him. He never stood up to me. He never exerted a will of his own. I used sex as a weapon and I hated him for it.

He was born in Dublin and came here at 10. He could build anything, he loved to laugh. He was the life of the party. He had too many friends. He had a very scary dark side. I didn’t see the signs because I was embedded in grief. I needed to laugh. I craved some kind of joy. I needed a place to live. I would not be homeless. I said yes. I should have said no and lived on the streets. It started slowly as these things always do. I enjoyed the kink. I wanted some pain. I didn’t want the mean, the nasty, the cruel. The dark films…so dark…evil..beyond sadistic. I thought he could change, that I could change him. I sank into the abyss. He tried to hit, I fought back. I made a vow and an oath that no man would ever take advantage of me or hurt me again.

He is a jock, a former quarterback and then defensive back. Not so popular that it went to his head. He is tall and dark and is so very good looking. He got on stage and performed with me. He gave me standing ovations and brought me roses backstage. He is my biggest fan and I am his. You give me all your time.

He is his own person. He stood up for what was right in spite of the status quo. He’s a good man who doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone. He has high cheek bones. He has smile that will make you melt. He plays a mean game of darts. We are rebels by just being together in the first place. You’re a gentleman with a wonderfully wicked side.

I am completely in love with this All American-part black-part Native American-part Scottish man. He sits me in his lap and brushes my hair. He cares about and asks about everything I think, do, feel, and value. He gives me his undivided attention. You always look for ways to give me more.

He is my protector. He treats me so well. He can be gentle, he can be rough. He’s strong physically and in spirit as well. We will never visit Sweden.

Well-to-do family. Highly educated and respected parents who lived in an exclusive neighborhood. Our summer romance by the beach still continues. I wasn’t a fling, I was everything. He loves my ethnicity. You thought I was too good for you.

He takes me on the dance floor and has some serious moves We’ve fucked in the car. I can’t tell him what to do as he has a mind of his own. He will listen to what I have to say and then make the decision that needs to be made. You are my dominant.

He loves to laugh and is full of joy. He can be the life of the party, but doesn’t need to be. He knows when to let others shine. He’s selective about friends. He has a delicious dark side. I love our kink and the pain he inflicts. He has never been evil or cruel. He would never hurt me. He has never put me down or belittled me. He provides for all my needs and encourages me to reach for any goal I set my mind to accomplish. I said yes. You pull out the very best in me and each day just gets better than the next.

I renounce that vow and oath because it made me resist you for too long. I didn’t let you all the way in. Now that I finally have a whole new world opened up for us. You are everything I’ve ever needed and more.

Over The Edge – Conclusion

Over The Edge, Part 1

Over The Edge, Part 2

Over The Edge, Part 3

Over The Edge, Part 4

She smiles back at me and it’s as if the entire room lights up and I have butterflies. I look at my Sir and the strange intruder and they are beaming.  We are only a few feet apart but it feels like miles. I take a step forward to reach for her and I am told to stop. Sir comes up close to me, presses his hand on the small of my back and escorts me to the other side of the room. He whispers in my ear, ” I need you to continue to be a good girl. We’ve talked a lot about this and today your fantasies will come true. I need you to hold on a little while longer before you receive your reward. I need to make sure you can handle some things. Do you trust me?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Now come with me.”

He walks me over to where she’s standing and positions us very close to each other. We are told to not touch one other. I want to touch her. She’s beautiful and voluptuous.  Then he brushes her hair from her eyes and tucks it behind her left ear. He cups her face in the palms of his hands, leans down and starts to passionately kiss her.  I’ve never seen him kiss anyone.  I am mesmerized by the intensity of their kiss and she is kissing him back just as passionately. She moans into his mouth. I’m so close to the two of them and I feel myself leaning closer as I’m being drawn into their kiss. At that exact moment I feel hands come from behind me and pull me away.

The strange intruder escorts me over to a chair that has a full view of the two of them kissing. He releases his extremely large, rigid cock from the confines of his pants, sits down in the chair, turns me so my back is to him and so I’m facing the two of them, and then slides me down onto him.  A moan now escapes my lips and at the same time another one escapes from hers. Our eyes are locked on each other’s and I see hers open wide as she’s watching me riding the strange intruder. Do they know each other? The strange intruder begins to assault my breasts. He tugs and pulls and squeezes and pinches with his large, strong hands. He starts to bite my right shoulder as his left hand moves down and begins to rub my clit.

I am lost in the sensations as I watch my Sir move her over to the couch. He sits her down and spreads her legs open wide. He kneels down in front of her and begins to lick her pussy. His hands are on her knees pushing her legs open and she is gyrating her hips as seeks his tongue.  She begins to tremble as he relentlessly sucks and licks.

The strange intruder takes his hands and places them on my hips and begins to move me up and down. He whispers in my ear, “I want you to cum for me. No one will know if you do.” I shake my head no as he moves me up and down him harder. “It feels so good and I know you want it.  Your pussy is telling me yes.” Again I shake my head no. Why is he doing this to me?

I watch Sir slide one, two, then three fingers in her as he continues his assault on her with his tongue. I can barely contain myself. Then she cums hard and long and I try to pull myself off the strange  intruder to keep myself from cumming. He allows me to release, not for me, but for him. He goes over to the two of them. Sir sits on the couch and she straddles him. He runs his hands all over her. They kiss again, but more intensely than before. Then the strange intruder mounts her and takes her ass. I can’t move a muscle as I watch their union. I’ve never seen my Sir’s face this way. It is a look of pure ecstasy. He calls me over.

“Sit next to me. I want you to watch her face as she enjoys my cock.”

I sit next to him on the couch. He turns to me and kisses me hard. I taste her on him. He kisses me with a raw desperation. I know this kiss. This is the kiss that says, “You’re Mine.”  And then she cums. Sir takes my face and turns it so I watch her. She screams. He begins to grunt and I know he’s going to cum as well. He releases into her and I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. He turns to me again and kisses me sweetly and then smiles. I look at her and she is smiling at the both of us and in that moment she cums again and the strange intruder releases himself.

I was in deep in a state of euphoria and the rest of the afternoon went by quickly. I was flogged by the strange intruder and spanked by my Sir. I needed the pain. Then he fed me, cleaned me, massaged me and dressed me in lingerie and heels. She carefully did my hair and makeup and left. I did not recognize myself in the mirror. Sir came up from behind me, kissed the nape of my neck and then secured my collar around my neck.

“You take my breath away, my gorgeous girl. You’re ready for tonight. Showtime!”

He escorts me down the stairs to the garage and puts me in the car. He ties the silk scarf over my eyes. I have no idea where we’re going. We drive for a little while and arrive at our destination. He helps me out of the car and walks me through a door and down what seems like a corridor and then up a couple of stairs. I hear voices hush. I am positioned standing with my arms at my sides. Then Sir stands behind me and removes my blindfold and a thunderous applause erupts.

I am standing on a round stage in front of an audience in small intimate theater. The audience is completely around the entire stage. There is king sized bed behind us dressed in red satin. I look straight ahead of me and there she is. She stands and walks up the steps toward me.

Then Sir says to me, “In honor of being a good girl all the pleasure is for you. You will receive as much as you like and can freely take from anyone you choose as many times as you wish.”

“Thank you, Sir, for my reward. I choose to start with the both of you.”

I then lean in to her and kiss her and the crowd begins to cheer. The pleasure is all mine.


 The End


Finally Ready

I woke up this morning with a lot on my mind and the need to write it down. Will you indulge me if I say it all here? I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I know I promised that I would post the conclusion to Over The Edge, and I will later today, but last night my eyes got heavy and bed was calling.

Did you ever feel like it was the calm before the storm? In my case, this is a good storm. I’ve learned to recognize a storm when it’s brewing. In my younger years it seemed as if I was always blindsided, but today I’m much more perceptive. I’ve had more than enough of the bad storms in my life, as I’m sure most of us have, but this is the kind of storm that you know is coming because you feel it in the air. It reminds me of the Phil Collins song, In The Air Tonight:

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord

I’ve been chewing on Coach’s words from his post the other day about starting the “explosive power training phase” and what that means. I keep wondering if I’m really ready. Coach says I am and I will walk out on his faith in me, proud and bold, but I felt like I almost sabotaged it all the other day because I had a knee-jerk reaction. I won’t go into that here, but he had one too and we had to work through it. When something like this happens it doesn’t last long so nothing was harbored. We deal with it and move on, but it actually brought some clarity. It was like the thunder and lightning that comes out of a clear blue sky that makes you jump to attention. Our reactions were because we both know we’re about to change our lives forever so naturally we feel a sense of trepidation. Will it be right? Will it be wrong? That’s the beauty of taking a chance, you don’t know for certain until you do. You just make the best decision you can with all the available information you have and then go for it.

We don’t view life as a road pointing toward a destination that you have to race down in order to cross an invisible finish line. We see life as an unfolding of understanding and the unveiling of our true inner-selves. Stay with me here. For us, we’ve always known that once we allowed that inner-self to have its unveiling everything else would come into focus and we could achieve anything. I look back and think, “Damn, we’re late bloomers.” Many, many life events got in the way that sidetracked us, but we persevered and the reward, I know, will be sweet.

I find myself now taking off the veil, breaking out of the chrysalis, bearing my soul. I have a new sense of freedom and it absolutely frightens me on so many levels. Am I really ready for who I truly am? I’m not just talking about being a submissive. I have explored and dug into my submissive self for a good three years now. I chewed on it for about a year before ever going to Coach, then we spent 6 months with just me being submissive and now we’ve been Dom and sub for about a year and a half. This is far from an overnight process, but that’s the glory of it.

I have fought my sexual yearnings, leanings, and desires my entire life. To not be seen as “good” was devastating to me. I have come to realize that the definition of “good” I was using is invalid and that is why I was suffocating all of my adult life. I will not share our beliefs here because I know what we believe can cause great judgement. Judge not lest ye be judged. I will leave all judgement up to God.

All I will say is that Coach and I have great plans and I have butterflies over how these plans will come together. I find myself more peaceful and joyful than I’ve ever been. I feel a contentment, even in the midst of such great mystery. For the record, everything is up to Coach about what we do. He makes the decisions for everything and everyone. I know he has my best interest. I know he will take everything I feel and want into consideration. I know he’ll make it beautiful and magical. I know he’ll give me experiences that were only part of my wildest dreams. I know he’ll guide my growth and protect me fiercely.

I really am ready. I’m ready for it all and I’m ready for Coach to put me through my paces. Mostly, I’m finally ready to embrace the woman that has emerged from her shell. Damn, she’s fucking hot!

Over The Edge – Part 4

I’m terribly sorry for the delay in posting these last two parts. I hope you enjoy Part 4. Part 5, the conclusion, will post tomorrow. Thank you for reading. ~Elle xoxo

Over The Edge, Part 1

Over The Edge, Part 2

Over The Edge, Part 3

Sir walks into the kitchen and stops short as soon as he sees me. My eyes widen and I’m still struggling to get free. He looks mad.

His voice booms, “What have you been doing?” I can’t answer because of the ball gag. He removes it.

“There was a man here. He tied me up and gagged me.” As I was telling him I could see that the stranger was just around the corner, but I could only see his back.

“This doesn’t look like you were attacked. This looks like you were playing. Were you playing?”

“No, Sir,” I said emphatically, “He had a knife and grabbed me from behind. He said he would kill us if I didn’t do what he said.”

“I think you were playing.”

Sir reaches between my legs and runs the tips of his fingers in the wet spot on the seat. He squats right in front of me and holds his fingers to my eyes. My body has betrayed me. Sir wipes my juices on the faint x carved between my breasts.

“But, but…” I stammer.

Firmly, but with just a hint of laughter in his voice Sir demands, “No more talking from you! You are not allowed to make a sound until I give you permission.”

He calls to the stranger. The stranger rounds the corner and I clench my jaw. He is wearing the same leather mask the intruder wore. The stranger is the intruder! He saunters over carrying the duffel bag, drops it at my feet and gives me the most devious smile. I remain expressionless.

The strange intruder pushes me in my chair close to the wall. He reaches into his duffle bag and pulls out a wand and more rope. I squeeze my eyes shut because I know what’s coming. He positions the wand on my clit and wraps the rope around my thighs and the seat of the chair to secure it. He plugs it in and turns it on the low setting.

“Remember, you are not allowed to make a sound,” Sir reiterates.

Sir and the strange intruder sit nearby and causally eat and talk. All I can do is try with all my might to not make a sound and fight my urge to cum. I don’t know how much time goes by because it’s all a blur. I hear them laugh, I know they’re watching, but I can’t open my eyes. Then suddenly the wand stops. I am trembling. I open my eyes.

Sir unties the wand and then the rest of my restraints. He turns me around and tells me to rest my hands on the seat of the chair. Without any notice he plunges inside of me and starts fucking my ass hard. I hold back a scream. I am still not allowed to make a sound. He cums fast and hard inside me. He wraps his arms around me and turns my face toward him and kisses me tenderly. He strokes my hair. He lifts me off the chair, sits down in it and cradles me on his lap. He feeds me, continues to stroke my hair, and hums to me softly as he cares for me.

“You’re allowed to speak. How do you feel?”

“I’m very tired, Sir.”

I wake up again in bed, but this time my Sir is holding me close to him. It is bright in the room. Can that be? It’s 1:30 in the afternoon.

“Hi sleepy head, you did very well last night.”

 “Thank you, Sir.”

“I want you to take a shower and get yourself ready the same way you did last night. Your lunch will be waiting for you when you come out. After you finish eating come down stairs. This is a big day for you.”

I do exactly as I’m told. I walk into the living room and I’m greeted by a site that takes my breath away. A warm flush washes over me and I smile the biggest smile. It’s her!

To be continued…