Thoughts From Coach

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I said I was going to post on Elle’s blog for a while. Today seemed like a good day because I have a big break and that doesn’t happen a lot. I also don’t like sitting at a computer.

Elle and I have had a lot of talks over the last 2 years and our talks since the beginning of this year have gotten very interesting. We probably opened up more than we ever had. I think that happens to a lot of people, but I think at least it finally happening is a good thing. Better than continuing our lives the way they were for over 20 years.

Two years ago Elle comes to me admitting that she needed to be submissive and I told her yes, I agree, but you need to prove it and finally accept my leadership. Elle didn’t ask for anything else. She just wanted to submit. I don’t know what I would have thought if she had asked for everything at that time. I will say it was pretty wise on her part how she came to me. This was about her being a submissive even if I didn’t want to be her Dom. She didn’t ask me to be that, she just expressed that she always had these feelings and wanted to live like this from now on.

So I observed her for a while and started seeing a change in her behavior. She has a lot of leadership qualities and had to be independent early. I’m sure she had a lot of confusion going on inside her because she wanted to submit all along, but never felt like she could let her guard down. We had trust issues we had to deal with too. We got to the point that she finally asked me to be her Dom and I agreed, but I still had reservations. I had to learn a lot to be her Dom. I looked things up and I read. I was hesitant at first because when you’re starting out you’re reading about how everyone else does things. I needed the time to really know what I wanted. Elle was very enthusiastic and wanted to jump into everything right away. I wanted to go much slower.

If I have an athlete that runs an 11.0 100 meters and they want to run a 10.0, that athlete’s training is going to be different initially than my athlete that’s already running a 10.0. If I give them the same workout the 11.0 guy is going to get hurt or give up. I have to give the 11.0 guy a better foundation and work on his confidence. I will probably have to heal old injuries, strengthen weak areas, and make him more flexible. He will have to learn to trust my methods and not look around at what other coaches are doing. If I go right into explosive power training then I’m not a very wise coach. I see this happen all the time and those athletes never get where they need to go. You have to have a clear goal and have a plan.

I have a clear goal of where Elle and I need to be. I’ve seen a lot of growth in her the last 6 months. She’s been healing old wounds, working on weak areas, getting a good foundation and more confidence. She’s definitely flexible, and she finally stopped looking around at other people and making comparisons. I’m getting her ready for the explosive power training phase. This is when it gets fun and rewarding.

COACH

 

44 thoughts on “Thoughts From Coach”

    • There are many things you said that touched me but the paragraph where you said that Elle expressed her wishes to submit and nothing more simply stating that she just wanted to submit to you without asking else in return says alot about her submission. How she wanted to give without asking anything in return. Her submission to you would be enough. I can relate to her in this way.
      I don’t want to talk about me. So moving on… 🙂
      I agree with what JK said below my comment. I am glad you are doing what feels right by you. It is as it should be.
      IMHO, I think that you can’t truly make one be a Dom or a submissive it has to be instinctual. The need to Dom or sub has to be there in it’s most primal way in order to be successful and everlasting. I truly believe we are born this way just like a person is born gay. We are either are or aren’t.

      Wow, I am rambling…
      Glad you posted and girl I can’t wait for you to enter your “explosive power training phase”. I can just imagine how it’s making you feel. 🙂
      xox

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  2. I was always the quickest off the ball, on top of the quarterback before the right guard knew I was by him. Yet I ran painfully slow. How do you train someone with explosive power but no speed?

    Oh, wait, hold on. You mean this post isn’t really about training runners? 🙂 Drat. I was thinking I might get some coaching.

    It’s good to hear your perspective. You’re wise to resist comparing. Not only will everyone’s progress be different, the end product will differ, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Throw out all the books and ignore the how-to blogs. If it’s not instinctual, it’s probably not correct for you.

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    • You have no idea how I almost went into coach mode to the initial part of your response. Coaching is automatic with me. Somewhere between that and spontaneous is where I’d like to go with bdsm. Then sprinkled with a little adventure and craziness.

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      • If it were just you it would be easy, but you’re also managing the desires, passions, fear, limits, doubts, excitement of another person too. Each month from the very beginning, more than 3 years now, I learned more about both myself and Sofia, learning my own desires and limits (and everything else) as well as hers, until now it finally feels as you describe, halfway between automatic and spontaneous. It feels natural.

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    • I agree! I don’t think I’m as submissive as either Elle or Sofia. But when I tried to ask for some sort of Dom/sub play, even though I may not have known exactly what it was I wanted, I know I didn’t get what I was longing for. My ex never even considered more than once what I was looking for. It wasn’t up for discussion. It’s not the only reason, but it certainly didn’t help when the time came to make a decision about whether to stick with him or follow my own path…

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  5. I come from a different perspective (entering the D/s relationship from the very beginning), but I think the watching and waiting aspect is probably very similar for my Daddy. I think we had to earn each other. Very nice post! 🙂

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  6. Thank you so much for posting this today. I have the biggest smile on my face and I can’t even begin to express how much I love you.

    You amaze me. You have so much wisdom and I am the most fortunate woman to have you. You took me on when I asked. If you had just kept it at me submitting I would have been OK because I love submitting to you. You’ve been patient with me and never pushed me unless you knew I was ready. Oh, but if people knew how much you indulge me, too.

    I thank you too for doing things your own way and for NOT listening to me when I made some feeble attempts to push you in a direction. As much as you indulge me, you don’t take my crap and that’s as it should be.

    So I think explosive power training means you activate and teach fast twitch muscle fibers to respond by building explosive strength before speed training begins. Like running the hills we’re running now and doing plyos and active cords before we take it to the track. Is that right?

    I can only imagine what explosive power training means for me.

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  7. I’m glad you took the time to sit at the computer and write. It’s always nice to see both sides of a relationship. 😉 I can relate to your journey with each other on many levels. In some cases you two have far surpassed where my husband and I are as you have been on your journey longer than us, but the openness, honesty, and trust that you now have with one another is very similar.

    I admire the way you’ve gone about becoming Elle’s Dom and think it is very smart. I didn’t have the appreciation in the beginning of my husbands and mines journey to realize this wasn’t a role he could just step into and/or master overnight. I wanted, wanted, wanted, now, now, now… truth be told I still do. 🙂 But we progress at his pace and I’ve learned that for us/him that is how it has to be. Just like you both we don’t fit any mold out there and we are better for it in the end because it’s our journey, our life and we are the ones living it.

    Thanks for sharing a piece of you here. 🙂

    xoxo

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    • ‘Tis, I totally get what you’re saying. In the beginning you see so much out there and all the possibilities. You’ve finally unleashed these yearnings and desires and you want to order everything on the menu just to try it out. Then, oops, you find out your Dom isn’t a diner chef and doesn’t want to cook every dish. He’s trying to get a taste of his own specialty and you’re looking at the plate of the girl in the booth saying, “Oh man, that looks good. Can I have some?”

      Like Coach said, the last 6 months we’ve seen the most growth and it’s because the honesty and sharing increased dramatically. I’ve admired the honesty you’ve shared that you and B have together. It really is the key to everything.

      OK, I better eat lunch now.

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  8. Hmm, I could be wrong —but I am guessing that the “developing the basics” portion has been very rewarding and the “explosive power training” phase will be the icing on the cake! XO

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  9. Nice to see you here posting! The to-be Dom’s can gain so much from the perspective of Doms who have gone through “the process.” There is still such a stigma out there about anything beyond vanilla, and I know I’d like my DH to hear about “normal” every-day guys living this lifestyle, growing in it, and loving it. The bottom line for me is the love that “HusDoms” have to consider what pleases their woman, and to say as you have, “Pleasing her is pleasing myself.” Thanks for your perspective!

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  11. Coach- great post, thanks for spending the time to compose your thoughts into the blog. Truly great to hear your voice, and spoken with authority.

    Miss Elle is a fortunate woman, wife and submissive to have your strength and wisdom to guide your journey. It’s also great to see your perspective of your journey as a marathon rather than a wind-sprint. Too often the later burns itself out and leads to mediocracy- and you and miss Elle are anything but mediocre.

    Bloglandia waits with angst to hear of the “explosive training” you’ve conjured up for miss Elle. Well stated Coach!

    Much love to you both…

    -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

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  16. Just stumbled upon your blog recently as my husband and I are just starting the process of growing into a D/s marriage. Such wise advice from your perspective and I am so glad to find it and will share with my husband as he is not quite sure where to start (as I am the one who came to him with this) but is interested in learning because I am need to be submissive. Just this morning I was having doubts about this… how is this going to work?? But I’m so thankful to read this and feel like I have a good illustration here to start moving forward and letting him lead. Just need to be submissive and let this grow at his pace… because this will not look like anyone else’s relationship. Such wise advise.

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