The Total Package

He was a jock, the quarterback, very popular. He was tall and tan and was so very good looking. I was also a jock, but I was also an artist and performer. He wouldn’t give me the time of day.

He was a rebel, a bad boy on self-destruct. He had copper hair, a chiseled jaw, and a smile that could make you melt . He would take any dare and played a wicked game of pool. He strung me along, as bad boys do, and I finally had to walk away.

He was a blonde haired, blue eyed Swede and although he lived in the U.S. since he was in middle school, he never quite lost all of his accent. He was in college. I thought I was in love. He would sit me in his lap and brush my hair. He would pick out clothes and dress me. He always wanted to know what I was doing – the books I was reading, the music I was listening to, where I went and with whom, the clothes I wore, and what I ate. No one had ever given me that much attention. I received a letter that said, in part, “You are a waste of time and a waste of money.”

He rode a Harley. He was my protector. He was very strong. He treated me well. He was gentle. He hated the Swede. They were long time enemies. He was the rebound guy.

He was from a very wealthy family, expensive NYC prep school. Trust fund. Highly educated parents. Very important father with an equally important mother. They lived in a spectacular brownstone in an exclusive neighborhood in the city. I was a novelty, a summer fling, a fuck in the horse barn, something to pass the time, too ethnic. I was out of my league. I was too poor.

He was Portuguese with a very thick accent. I picked him out at a dance club, walked up to him, and asked him to dance. I told him to buy me a drink. Many drinks and dances later I told him to fuck me in his car. He did whatever I said whenever I said. I used him for months and dumped him. He never stood up to me. He never exerted a will of his own. I used sex as a weapon and I hated him for it.

He was born in Dublin and came here at 10. He could build anything, he loved to laugh. He was the life of the party. He had too many friends. He had a very scary dark side. I didn’t see the signs because I was embedded in grief. I needed to laugh. I craved some kind of joy. I needed a place to live. I would not be homeless. I said yes. I should have said no and lived on the streets. It started slowly as these things always do. I enjoyed the kink. I wanted some pain. I didn’t want the mean, the nasty, the cruel. The dark films…so dark…evil..beyond sadistic. I thought he could change, that I could change him. I sank into the abyss. He tried to hit, I fought back. I made a vow and an oath that no man would ever take advantage of me or hurt me again.

He is a jock, a former quarterback and then defensive back. Not so popular that it went to his head. He is tall and dark and is so very good looking. He got on stage and performed with me. He gave me standing ovations and brought me roses backstage. He is my biggest fan and I am his. You give me all your time.

He is his own person. He stood up for what was right in spite of the status quo. He’s a good man who doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone. He has high cheek bones. He has smile that will make you melt. He plays a mean game of darts. We are rebels by just being together in the first place. You’re a gentleman with a wonderfully wicked side.

I am completely in love with this All American-part black-part Native American-part Scottish man. He sits me in his lap and brushes my hair. He cares about and asks about everything I think, do, feel, and value. He gives me his undivided attention. You always look for ways to give me more.

He is my protector. He treats me so well. He can be gentle, he can be rough. He’s strong physically and in spirit as well. We will never visit Sweden.

Well-to-do family. Highly educated and respected parents who lived in an exclusive neighborhood. Our summer romance by the beach still continues. I wasn’t a fling, I was everything. He loves my ethnicity. You thought I was too good for you.

He takes me on the dance floor and has some serious moves We’ve fucked in the car. I can’t tell him what to do as he has a mind of his own. He will listen to what I have to say and then make the decision that needs to be made. You are my dominant.

He loves to laugh and is full of joy. He can be the life of the party, but doesn’t need to be. He knows when to let others shine. He’s selective about friends. He has a delicious dark side. I love our kink and the pain he inflicts. He has never been evil or cruel. He would never hurt me. He has never put me down or belittled me. He provides for all my needs and encourages me to reach for any goal I set my mind to accomplish. I said yes. You pull out the very best in me and each day just gets better than the next.

I renounce that vow and oath because it made me resist you for too long. I didn’t let you all the way in. Now that I finally have a whole new world opened up for us. You are everything I’ve ever needed and more.