Jill

I haven’t forgotten you, Jill. After you left this world I started getting high with Carol and Julie after school. Then Julie moved away.

Why didn’t I go with you when you asked me? If I was there you wouldn’t have been murdered. He didn’t have a gun so we could have kicked his ass together. He was a little shit and we could have done it.

When I worked at the farm I used to go down to the stream where they found you. I used to daydream that I found you and brought you back to life. Sometimes I would daydream that I found him attacking you and I jumped him before he could rape you and smash your head on that rock. I could have saved your life.

Why did you hitchhike? We could have gotten a ride from my mom. Why did I say no when you asked me to go with you?

Kim and I got drunk on the beach a week later. Her mom blamed me for breaking into their liquor cabinet, but it was Kim. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with Kim after that and we had to sneak around to be friends all through high school. I got drunk because of you. Kim’s sister dates my younger brother now. She was the one who lied and told her mom I did it.

I was afraid of sex after finding out you were raped. I was called a tease and a bitch because I would always stop the boys. A boy lied about me and I was labeled as one of the biggest whores in school. I know you would have defended me. They would have listened to you.

I just found out the fucker might get out of jail this month, the month you died, 35 years ago, at 15.

I miss you.