It’s Hard Being My Dominant

Whose plight is more difficult, the Dominant’s or the submissive’s? Is it harder to reveal and open up or is it harder to unveil and draw out? I think the Dominant’s plight is far more difficult because you can only know as much as the submissive is willing and trusting enough to share. It seems you are at your submissive’s mercy and have to constantly make the choice to keep reaching for an answer. You know something is hovering near the surface and you attempt to coax, persuade, and maybe even command it be revealed, but your submissive may not be ready to let it out or even know that there is something that needs to come out. That was me, until the other night, when I finally revealed it to Coach. What a foolish woman I’ve been!

I kept it hidden away so deep inside for so long I didn’t even realize it was there anymore, but I had to admit that there was a hold back and just a few words from you unlocked the door, but after a very difficult conversation. I spoke words to a friend last week and my own words have haunted me ever since. I said she needs to trust herself, but I needed to heed my own advice. I trust you, Sir, I just didn’t trust myself.

You sensed it from me all along, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. When I wasn’t even aware it was there you knew something was living in me that motivated me to do and say things we both didn’t understand. My hold back was our hold back and it’s kept you/us from moving forward.

I’m thankful for these moments of clarity and revelation and I hope to keep having more because as hard as they are to work through, they bring us closer and make us better for each other. Your patience with me and love for me is a testimony to how strong you really are and how much I need you as my Dominant. I want you as my Dominant. I want to be your submissive.

Yes, you have it harder than me.

“After all that we’ve been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.

And after all that’s been said and done,

You’re just the part of me I can’t let go.

After all that we’ve been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.

You’re gonna be the lucky one.”

26 thoughts on “It’s Hard Being My Dominant

  1. I agree, that is true in many circumstances. Any person only knows what you are willing to tell them. I have secrets I will never reveal to anyone. I like that you told him that you didn’t trust yourself and that it was holding the relationship back.


  2. What a poignant declaration of love!
    What I really can relate to here is this: you can only share what you are yourself aware of. If you hide something from yourself, then you cannot open up to anyone about it.
    What I found is that sharing with people helps me process my feelings and thoughts, and sometimes words come out that I never expected to come out. And then I realise they make complete sense and help explain why I feel the way I feel.
    I’m glad for you you have Coach to do that with. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m glad you had a revelation, even if after some difficult conversations.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m very relieved it came out. I’ve asked myself a million times over the last week if I can trust myself. If circumstances change would I act on what I hid. My own words flushed it all up and I had to be honest with myself, which meant I had to be honest with Coach because it’s near impossible to hide from him.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lovely! I am so glad you found your hidden piece.
    I agree, I think a Dominants job is very tough. But, I have to remember that it is Yin and Yang. If either side was easy – it wouldn’t be worth the trouble to open up. As we well know, Dominant and submissive each, the process and growth of D/s is worth the time and pain.


  4. Elle the fact that you realized you were holding back is all that matters. Don’t we all hold back some, even just a little? It’s not easy being the one who has to let all of our deep dark secrets out. And maybe that’s what makes us such good submissives. And why we still blush so easily, giggle, and why we can still surprise our Sir’s. It’s because we can still surprise ourselves. 🙂


    • This hold back was very unhealthy and never should have existed. I thought I had let it go several years ago, but it was still there. I was so good to get it out, but now we have some hard work to do.


  5. Yes, it is hard to be the dominant – but that is the fun of it. They have to figure us out. We need them because we hide things even from ourselves. So they ferret it out….and we feel the better for it….we are needy, aren’t we? x


      • It is, yes. But isn’t it also what made you who you are? I think so anyway….it is part of our allure, if such it is. Being subs I mean….needy complicated subs.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I am complicated and I do have a lot of needs. I have a huge need to serve and service. I know he’s drawn to that and I want him to dig deeper there. I asked him last night if I could just get away with cooking and sex for the rest of my life because those are the things I’m the best at. He actually said that, yes, if we could find a way to get away with that he’d have me naked in the kitchen all the time 😀

          Liked by 2 people

  6. Couldn’t stand to be kept away just for the day from your body.
    Wouldn’t wanna be swept away, far away from the one that I love.
    Hold me now. It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry. I just want you to know.
    Hold me now. I really want to tell you I’m sorry. I could never let you go.

    One of Chicago’s greatest.

    This was the song in Summer Lovers. You guys are living that romance. Good on you!!


    • I cry like a leaky watering can when I hear that song.

      Truth be told, there are times I want to run far, far away. There were a couple of times in our relationship that I did and he brought me back. This song reminds me of those times. We all just suck at life sometimes. Every now and then I think I want to run away, but I remember how hard it was for the both of us to stay away for any significant amount of time. We can’t stay angry with each other for long. Disappointment, on the other hand, is the hard one to get over.

      Liked by 1 person

      • And the hardest one to forgive ourselves for. We are our own worst critics. That is where Coach is so great. He seems so in tune with you. We’re all works in progress, but you two seem to have a really great connections. Greece, I believe, was where Summer Lovers was filmed. There’s a thought…. You guys should give that a try! And then you can play the song, and tears will be shed, and it will be the world’s most romantic get-away.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve always maintained that it is tougher to be a Dom than a sub. Good for you for getting rid of whatever this was. We’ve obviously had our share of cathartic moments too, and we are still moving forward 🙂


    • Well, we didn’t exactly get rid of it as it seems to have opened our own Pandora’s Box. We’ll get through it because we want to get through it, but I know there will be some tough bumps in the road.


  8. It’s so scary to open up and let it all be exposed. I don’t know if I’ll ever do it 100%. There are some dark places in my soul, and some very unlovely things that I don’t know I could ever reveal to DH. I also believe there are some things he doesn’t want to hear either. It’s a dilemma sometimes. Obviously if it has direct bearing on your love, your marriage, your relationship, then it has to be put on the table and dealt with. I also believe there times that certain things/events/people need to remain dead and buried. However like Corrie Ten Boom, there were things that were too big for her to handle by herself (and in her story, her father carried them for her). “If God has shown us bad times ahead, it’s enough for me that He knows about them. That’s why He sometimes shows us things, you know – to tell us that this too is in His hands.” Her other great quote is: “Love is larger than the walls which shut it in.”


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