Trust- Day 5

I love summer. I’ve had some amazing summers throughout my life so I am always hoping that each summer will be filled with fun. Coach and I started out as a summer romance and it was hot and steamy. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I long for a summer like that again. We were young, sexy, hot, and so very adventurous.

This summer started out with a lot of promise, but events and circumstances haven’t met our hopes and expectations and the burden has been difficult to bear. It hasn’t been the worst summer because our business has gotten some national recognition and we’re very proud of that. However, other things fell apart and we’re picking up the pieces. I know, you win some, you lose some, but this round was very difficult.

The kids have been around a lot this summer. This was a huge travel summer for their friends so our kids have been climbing the walls. I haven’t gotten enough childless hours to decompress and I realize how much I need time alone to process. Mix in some other things that happened that caused us to change a plan we wanted so badly and you can see that we’re both wound up tight…really tight.

The kids start school today and I’m so relieved. After I drop them off I’ll head right to the gym for a much needed workout. This summer also derailed my workouts. I SUCK at working out on my own and I need either Coach training me or people around watching me. I can’t help it, but if men are looking at me I get really motivated. Bad girl.

Is it any wonder we feel off? We’ve had a hard summer. I’ve thought a lot about what we have and I’m trying to put it all in perspective. There are a few things I know about Coach:

1) He does not want to be my babysitter. I’m a grown woman with years of wisdom and experience and he expects me to behave as a mature woman should, which means speaking up when something is wrong and not waiting until it gets too big to handle when emotions take me for a ride.

*I can do many things well, but as my Dom, I need Coach to have more follow-up with me, even if he’s sure whatever project or situation will have a good end product or outcome. I need to feel like he’s engaged in what I’m doing even if he’s given me autonomy.

2) He wants so very much to take care of me, but he absolutely expects me to take care of myself as well. I am to love who I am and believe in myself.

*Not keeping up with my workouts this summer was a big deal to him and I disappointed him. He sees my working out consistently as an act of submission and has told me it energizes him when I am getting fit. He wants me to achieve a standard he’s set for me. I’m weak in this area and this is another area that I really needed his follow-up and his presence.

3) Whining is for children. I am not his child and even with our own children, whining is not tolerated. I can’t say I’ve whined, because I can’t stand whining either, but I’ve complained at times. Complaining is whining’s bitchy best friend. He would much rather I come to him calmly with what I don’t like or with whatever is wrong. I can come to him anytime as long as I do it respectfully. I think I’ve said this a few times and you would think it was gospel by now, but I have my moments.

*I really needed to be called out a few times. I know I can be a handful and Coach is the kind of man that if you’re not on board with him he won’t fight you, he’ll just walk away. I’m full of passion and fire. He is always calm. Many times I take it like he doesn’t care, but it’s just that he doesn’t wear his emotions. I was originally attracted to this aspect of him when we first met. I lived around overly emotional and hot-headed men. I wanted a man with maturity and someone who wouldn’t yell and scream at me. Coach has never done that.

4) Begging for something is a No No, as well. Again, respectfully asking goes a long way. I may not get what I want, but 99.9% of the time it’s because of circumstances and not because he doesn’t want to give.

*I know if Coach was able he’d give me every little thing my heart desired. He’s never denied me what I truly needed. The beginning of this year I had a medical issue that insurance didn’t cover and he didn’t even blink an eye. He insisted I get the procedure done and has never regretted it. It greatly improved my quality of life and I so appreciate him putting me first.

5) Giving him a list of a bunch of things I want (sexual and otherwise) without making sure I explicitly let him know how much I love what he does makes him feel like he can’t do enough for me and that I don’t appreciate him.

*So, I’m a bit insatiable when it comes to sex. There, I said it. Coach has quite an appetite, but life has gotten in the way and he can only do so much. In the words of Bob Marley, “Every little thing is gonna be alright.” We are planning a get away and we’e planning some afternoon time since we’ll have an empty house with the kids back at school. Afternoon delight is delicious and Coach’s schedule allows for that a few times a month so we can get in the hard play we both crave without the kids or the neighbors hearing. In the meantime, Coach has had me on my knees a few times this week 😉

Thank you, Sir, for everything. I Iove you.