Sometimes I’m Not Very Submissive

Am I the only one who, on a rare occasions, goes into a situation I’ve imagined and anticipated and just loses the ability to remember who I am?

Am I the only one who checks her mind at the door and gets caught up in the situation to such a degree that I act solely on the feelings of those around me?

Am I the only one that can live in her imagination so deeply that I ignore reality and swan dive into the fantasy that’s been created?

Am I the only one who wants to make other people I’m with so happy and pleased with me that I forget the one I am to please?

Thought so. I wasn’t a total slug, though. I did obey, but not at the level I should have. I wasn’t disrespectful and I followed instructions when they were given, but I didn’t seem to remember who I was. I just floated away and wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. Nothing else mattered and it was complete green lights straight down the boulevard for me. It wasn’t intentional and it wasn’t premeditated. It just was.

We’ve done so much talking the last few days that I’m all talked out. I need to step back for a bit and take a rest. Coach told me to take a three week break from blogging and I must do this. This morning it was six weeks, but I asked him to reconsider. He read that it’s a minimum of three weeks to break a habit so he’ll let me do it as long as I add in a book he wants me to read and study out. I can do that.

During these three weeks I plan on attending some local sub events and meetings. I think I need some local support; real live people to meet and talk to. I really think that’s what’s been lacking. I don’t see my friends much anymore because we’ve grown apart. I have so many of you here that are so encouraging and supportive and I thank you for that. I have a wonderful blogging friend I’m very close to (love ya, Viv), but she’s so far away. I’m a face-to-face person. I need voices and smiles and winks and nods and hand holding and hugs and body language and facial expressions. I need to learn and grown more in my submission.

I’ll be back blogging about the third week of November. I’ll miss Boobday this Friday, and on Halloween of all days! I had one hell of a Vamp pic, too. Seriously…me in my corset, fishnets, stilettos, bite mark on my neck. You would have loved it! I may still have to post it when I get back. I think I may come back Vamp-ier than ever šŸ˜‰

This will go by quickly as I have so many projects I have to finish, and, along with the personal assisting job, there’s a very real possibility of a full time job. I’m excited about this one because it’s for a major event planning company. I would be doing admin so I won’t have to work all those nights and weekends. Lots to do, lots to do.

My official end of blogging break is on a Thursday and there is a very special club that has a new member meet and greet and dinner on Wednesdays. As much as a sub needs discipline, she needs rewards as well. That would make for one super hot reward and one hell of a “I’m Back” post.

See you all soon!

XOXOX
~Elle

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32 thoughts on “Sometimes I’m Not Very Submissive

  1. You will most certainly leave a void of emptiness in your absence. I understand. I am wrestling with quitting blogging altogether. I am giving way too much time to people I don’t know at a cost to the people that I love or sacrificing important aspects of my life.

    I hope your time away is healthy and perhaps I’ll still be here when you return.

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  2. Sorry to hear that. We all get caught up in the moment now and then. I have been there as well. I too had taken some time off to clear my head. While it was hard to do so it does wonders for the mind. It looks like you have plenty to keep you busy though. See you when you get back.

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  3. I can totally relate. I too need voices and nods and hand holding and hugging… I’ll miss you, but I hope you find what it is you’re looking for during the three weeks you’re off.

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    • I did find what I was looking for, Dawn. Too much emotion was going on and I wasn’t myself. I couldn’t wrap my head around things. I got completely overwhelmed because I’m only human and so is Coach. We’re much, much better now.

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      • Oh, Hi Elle! Welcome back!
        I’m so happy for you that you found what you were looking for šŸ™‚
        We’re all only human. And we all do the best we can going through life.
        I thought of you often. I’m happy to have you back, better than ever before šŸ™‚

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  4. I love ya too Kit.
    It is so hard when we are so far away. šŸ˜¦
    Why do my two favorite girls (Tis and you) have to live out of state? *sniff sniff*
    Life is not fair.

    Take care of you.
    xoox

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  5. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile (one of those lurkers lol) and I just wanted to say that I love it. Many of your entries have been excellent conversation starters for my Sir and I (we’re very new to D/s).

    But everyone needs a break, a time to recharge and refresh. Take care and I’ll be looking forward to your next post šŸ™‚

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  6. Well, go off the grid for just a few days and major crap happens! Elle, for what seems like the 2 plus years I’ve been blogging, I’ve appreciated you so much. You express your journey in a way I totally relate to– honestly, intelligently, and with no apologies for who you are. I wish I had the bravery (and the permission) to be as graphically sexy as you are! I hope that your three weeks off are renewing and helpful to you. I write this now realizing you may not even get to see it… And knowing I too will have a 10-day hiatus due to third world travel. So I’ll be with you in spirit!

    (and dang, wish I could have had a sexy balcony shot like yours! We just had a perfect opportunity for it!)

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    • Aw, thanks, DD. The three weeks off have hoped put much into perspective. Had a lot of emotion to deal with and I take a while to process.

      Hope your trip was a blessing. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to ministry work. We took a year off. Looking forward to hearing about your trip.

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  7. Do what you have to do Elle, Have some fun, get out with people, talk, listen, laugh, and just be yourself. Sending you love, smiles, winks, and hugs!!

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