The Things I Don’t Always Share

I have an Endocrinologist appointment tomorrow. Something is very, very wrong and I’m frightened. Over the last two weeks I’ve been steadily bloating and I’m not talking 5 lbs of premenstrual bloat. I got on the scale this morning and it was another 5 lbs for a total of a whopping 15 lbs! This is not normal. My diet for the last month has been clean and I’ve been consistently working out, even getting much stronger. I’ve been doing my best to get enough sleep, too.

I woke up about two weeks ago feeling a little puffy. My first thought was that I would be getting my period soon. No worries. I got on the scale and I was up 3 lbs from the day before. Yup, premenstrual. Then a few days later I woke up really, really puffy and it showed on my face and I felt it in my fingers. At first I thought it would go away fairly quickly because these things can happen. I reduced my sodium intake and made sure I was getting enough potassium. I’ve also been drinking more than enough water, but I remained bloated. I got my period on Thursday and became even more bloated. A couple of day before my breasts became very swollen and firm. They felt like pregnancy boobs and that just made my imagination lose it. It was a relief to get my period. I’ve been moving and doing non-stop since Friday and you would think that given the fact I’ve eaten well that at least a half pound would come off, but nope, even more bloat.

Since early October I had a thyroid medication change and then two major emotional situations happened. Add to that some freezing cold weather, the holidays, a change in another health condition (caused by stress and now back under control), and more long hours for Coach so we’ve had limited play time the last two months and I am now at the end of my stress rope.

I’m going to beg my Endo to do more testing than just my TSH levels. I think the med change is backfiring on me. I’ve felt off since the end of October and now it’s manifesting physically. My emotions go up and down and my body isn’t handling stress well. I think my adrenals are taxed.

Managing my autoimmune disease (Hashimoto’s) is hard work and stress makes it even harder. What has me frightened is that I lost my singing voice again. Whenever I develop hot nodules on my thyroid it presses against my vocal cords and I become hoarse quickly and even if I’m not hoarse I can’t hit higher notes and I lose my vibrato. My tone is off and it pisses me off. When my voice is strong and clear I can belt it out strong and clear. I think I may be going through another thyroid storm, as it’s called. A thyroid storm is when you ping pong back and forth between hypo and hyper. NOT good.

I’ve asked Coach for a major scene. We are hopeful we can make that happen this week. We both need the release. I don’t know what my test results will show, but no matter what, I need the kind of release that only cuffs, rope, a spreader bar, a ball gag, and a flogger can bring.