BDSM Scene Preparation

We don’t do big scenes weekly or even bi-monthly. I just heard your collective sighs, but really, it’s OK. We have lots of sex and intimacy, a good smattering of amuse-bouche, and at least one good “scenette” monthly, as conditions allow (a little afternoon delight while the kids are at school or at some sort of daytime function for a couple of hours). The epic type of scenes – the kind that last a few hours and wring every last little bit of pain and pleasure out of you – the kind that turn you into a sated, sweaty, quivering mass of sub-spaced giggling slap-me-happy – those delicious coveted times usually only happen every 4-6 weeks because the kids MUST be at a sleepover and there cannot be a hundred projects going on. We have to plan it and work towards it by clearing the path for it to happen. There are times life interferes and all our plans go up in smoke because someone gets sick or an unexpected event comes up that we must attend. C’est la vie. The demands of our life just don’t afford us the luxury of carving out that amount of time as frequently as we desire. The good news in all of this is that a lot of sexy scene anticipation occurs leading up to it, and that is all part of the fun, because so much of D/s is in the mind.

First things first – about four days or so before I clean our Master bedroom and bath top to bottom and inside-out. I want our haven to be clean and serene. No clutter, dust, laundry, or papers! The last thing I want is to see junk sitting in a pile because that kind of distraction messes with my state of mind and I start worrying about the never ending to-do list. I want to free-fall into submissive head space without the demands of life impeding on our precious time together. Make sure your play space is as sexy and as appealing as you can make it. It’s a fact that the nicer something is the better it’s taken care of. I hate cleaning (because I can be a perfectionist in this area and drive myself crazy) and I could just as soon avoid cleaning altogether. My main motivation to clean anything is 1) the possibility of people coming over and 2) Our playtime. Whatever works, right? Question: Why does the Master bedroom turn into the place where things get hidden from company? Probably because NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THERE!

Helpful Hint: As much as we love our kids, we do not have photos of them in our Master bedroom. WTF, you say? No, really. There are tons of photos of them all over the house, as well as pics of grandmas, grandpas and the rest of the extended family, but not in our bedroom. They are distraction in a room made for love, sex, and play. Come on, do you really want to be tied to the bed post while being flogged and look over to see your sweet little cherub-cheeked angel looking back at you? Not me, thank you very much! That’s a cock blocker and and orgasm deflater. Instead, make sure you have photos of the two of you together (and not the ones with your ugly 80s perm). Photos of the two of you having fun and enjoying each other are good. Make this room your special place. Capice?

About two days out I check on everything we need. This is fairly easy because we always clean up and put things away as soon as possible after we use our toys and equipment. Still, I check to see if any toys need batteries or if I need to replenish any lubes, oils, wax, candles, recovery drinks and supplements, or aftercare items such as arnica or aloe vera gel. I make sure everything is in good condition and that it’s all in its rightful place. I’ll usually rub down all our leather items with leather conditioning cream, too.

We have plenty of special sex towels and wash cloths that we use so I make sure everything has been laundered. Here’s a tip (hotels do this): all the towels and wash cloths that we use for sex are white because they need to get washed and bleached in hot water in order for them to be thoroughly sanitized and clean. You know sex is messy, right? We still have a wipes warmer from the kids’ baby days and I find it’s perfect for keeping about six wash cloths moist and warm for easy clean up after sex. I just run the wash cloths under very hot water, wring them out, roll them up, and put them in the warmer about an hour before we play. Coach lovingly cleans me as part of aftercare and there’s nothing like the feel of soothing warm wash cloths. It makes us feel like we’re flying first class.

71FUPXcHOjL._SL1500_

Prince Lionheart Warmies Wipes Warmer.

We also have a super absorbent blanket (squirters can relate to the need for this) and a couple of satin sheets that we drape over the bed so we don’t have to wash our comforter and sheets. Did I mention that sex is messy? Squirting aside, we’ve had some lube accidents a time or two.

The day before I take care of me. I always try to get my Brazilian sugaring done the day before. I don’t wax, I sugar because it is SO MUCH BETTER. I go to an amazing place that that has a lot of kinky clients (it’s where all the strippers go) and the girls there are a hoot! They know I’m a sub, too, so I have the freedom to be open and talk. They’re discreet because their clientele demands it of them. This place is gold! P.S. Coach goes there for his Brazilian sugar as well.

“Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love”

I then make my way over to a little Indian salon to get my eyebrows and upper lip threaded. Women from all walks of life come here to watch whatever Bollywood movie is playing on their big screen and to have their eyebrows expertly shaped to perfection using nothing more than cotton thread! These women get absolutely every little hair and do it so crazy fast that you don’t have time to worry about it hurting. My brows are a breeze for me, but OMG my upper lip makes my eyes well up with tears. I’ve come to find out that it’s the most sensitive part on my body. I went to Sally’s and purchased a numbing agent for my upper lip because it’s the only way I can get through it. I used to wax my upper lip myself, but no product got all of those tiny hairs. Threading is the way to go. Get this, no appointment is necessary and with tip I only pay $15! I have to time this trip carefully because if it’s afternoon on a Friday or any given Saturday they can get crowded. Even with all that demand I’ve never had to wait more than 30 min and I’m done in less than 10. It’s in the perfect location because right across the street is our favorite sex toy store. Don’t you just love convenience?

Yes, that’s me getting threaded. Don’t you dare say a word about my grey roots! Guess where I head to next? Yup, the sex toy store!

If I need to get my hair done then this is the day I do it. See why I need to plan? And you thought it was just making sure the kids got dropped off at their Aunt’s house. Don’t you know me by now?

I like to wait until the day of to get a manicure (if I need it). I cook and do a lot of crafty things at home so my hands take a beating (and you thought it was only my ass) so I try to stay on top of my hands on a daily basis, but I will most certainly get a pedicure. Do you have any idea how much I love a long, spa pedi? Well, you do now. I have a bit of an obsession with keeping my feet super soft (no yucky calluses) and pretty because I live in a very dry climate and if I didn’t take care of them my feet would look like hell, but the pedi is my extra indulgence and Coach allows me plenty of indulgences. Coach will only allow me to use reds or pinks on my nails so I usually do a nude or light pink on my fingernails, but with my toes I go into the super dark reds. Damn, it makes me feel sexy.

I try to take it easy on the day of because I want all my energy. I make sure the night before I go to bed on time so the next day I feel good. In the morning I shave my legs and underarms (I never get those parts sugared) and I make sure I exfoliate everywhere. I put on lotion at this time so my skin is soft. I will drink plenty of water throughout the day and eat really well (no gassy food, know what I mean?). If I can take a nap during the day I will. I’ll take a dip in the tub awhile before, but will not use any lotion at that time. I don’t want to be slippery and I also don’t want competing scents. I put some vanilla essential oil in the bath water because Coach loves that scent on me as it mixes well with my body chemistry. I do my hair the way he requests and he may or may not ask me to put on makeup. I will dress according to his instructions or he may not want me wearing anything at all. I love the excitement of all of this and as I receive his instructions my submission deepens. I may play some music while I’m preparing that will help me relax and focus. We almost always have candles lit for the ambiance and even for the scent. Coach will mix up an energy drink for us as well as make a special recovery drink for the both of us to have on hand. We also make sure we have snacks ready for after play (cut up pineapple and some protein, like chicken).

Apart from all of these preparations, Coach will give me assignments over the weeks and days as well as specific instructions of what he wants. So if he wants wax then I make sure we have everything for wax play. If he wants to add in ice to that play then I make some ice dildos. I bet that got your attention. Do you have any idea how amazing it feels when he goes back and forth between the hot wax and the cold of the ice? I’m squeezing my thighs together just thinking about it.

Can you tell I just ooze with joy at the thought of all of this? We had an amazing time on Valentine’s Day, which was our 26th wedding anniversary. We had a fabulous scene that had me flying all the next day. We are planning out our next scene together and I can’t wait to find out what we’ll be doing. I am already feverish with anticipation.

 

45 thoughts on “BDSM Scene Preparation

  1. Elle,

    I absolutely love this post. (May I reblog it?)

    This is almost identical to what I do…I start with the cleaning…And I agree about the pics and the mood of the room. I also spend a ton of time on getting myself ready. Had a bad episode with threading a couple of years back, but I do get my brows waxed and tinted (love that…fills them in makes them like they used to be)…I do the pedicure…the lotion…the nap…the bath…but great tips on the warm cloths (I still have a toddler, so I have one)…and super great tip on the sheets/blankets on top of the bed. Sure could’ve used that this weekend.

    Happy, Happy Anniversary to you and Yours, beauty!
    -lj

    Like

    • Yes, reblog. Thank you. Sorry you had a bad threading experience. You have to go to the Middle Eastern or Indian salons because they know what they’re doing. The link I included talks about novices.

      So glad I’m not the only one who is totally into the preparation aspect. The look on his face when I present myself makes it all worth every bit of effort.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Reblogged this on 50shadesofsaved and commented:
    I very rarely reblog anything…But this is pure gold, from one of my favorite blogs on WP…The Submission of Elle.

    Her routine is almost identical to what I do to prepare for a scene…down to the preparation of the room, the pedicure and even the brows…(but I wax/tint instead with my fave girl at the brow bar… Hey there, Sarah! T know you’re reading this)

    Elle has some great tips in this post…from the warm cloths, the extra-absorbent blankets/sheets, the drinks/snacks and of course…the ice dildos. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

    Like

  3. My upper lip is sooo sensitive too. I dread my waxing there!! I’ve stuck with waxing my brows and lip, but may now give threading a try. I’m very slow to try new things. Shocker 🙂

    And I love the warmer idea.

    Like

  4. Great post Elle! I too wax eyebrows and upper lip….OUCH doesn’t even describe the upper lip experience. I did the laser treatment on my underarms and love it!

    Believe it or not I am a spa girl too….but a very impatient spa girl! I hate the message portion of the mani/pedi….my philosophy is clean it up, buff and color. So you can only imagine what it’s like for the poor masseuse….

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have no reason to not believe you. The massage part of a spa pedi is my favorite part! Massages are my number one favorite spa activities. Coach bought me a monthly spa membership for our anniversary. I was going on and off to this one place for deep tissue massages and it turns out that the girl I’ve been going to is a Domme. I saw some tats on her arms of a girl bound and gagged and being whipped and asked her point blank and she said yes she was! So I told her my little secret. Ha! She’s wonderful and I get to see her monthly now. It just hit me that it’s kind of like a scene because she finds all the painful spots and works them. Hmmmmm….

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Great primer, Elle. I too get so frustrated at how the bedroom becomes the repository of junk, and I too detest cleaning. (so relate to you on this!) Sir Knight is always happy when we have company because the house will get tidied (and secret, when I worked I had a cleaning lady every other week; now just once a month–it’s an expenditure that I feel so worthwhile!). When I tidy the bedroom, that’s SK’s “turn on” and he’s paid me back by using the newly cleaned surfaces in our “scenes!”

    I do love how you make this into an all-out event. Like you (without the excuse of kids at home anymore), we “scene” only every couple of weeks, mixed in with lots of sweet sex and quick “re-centering” moments. You know, as much as I THINK I’d want to scene more, it might not be as special if it were more frequent. This week we had our most extensive scene to date, and it only maybe went an hour (about to write it up). I’m counting my blessings… we’re older, and SK has informed me that even with his now almost daily workouts and weight training… recovery time is 72 hours. We “old folks” have to pace ourselves, LOL, but it does make me jealous we weren’t doing this in our friskier 30s and 40s!

    SK is still working on his Dom muscles in the bedroom and with scenes, i.e., instructing me what he wants of me. I long for that and it was such a thrill that after the FSOG movie (with lots of visual reinforcement) he actually asked me to be kneeling for him by the bedroom door! Now it’s becoming a “normal” expectation and it so helps me get into my submissive mood! However, what I wear, whether I’m waxed, shaved or manicured, hasn’t really arisen on his radar screen, he’s never been a visual guy sexually (he really is very “Beta” and caresses, touch and emotion resonate more for him), so I’m trying to work with that part of his brain. Lately in the mornings after my work out and shower, I model for him the (almost always now) sexy lingerie I’m wearing for the day, so that he maybe has a mental picture of that through the day (sigh… I just dropped another $150 at VS–it’s like candy to me, so sexy and pretty, with the added benefit of making me want to keep trying to stay fit and firm to look sexy in them). Just yesterday when I was about to “manicure my garden…” I sort of went to myself, “aw, who cares, he really doesn’t notice…” I think the rituals are so potent for us ladies, and we want our men to notice as well.

    Oh yes, we have a basket full of white wash clothes near the bedside… don’t have that warmer thing though (LOL, they weren’t “a thing” when I had babies), so we just use them dry for “spillage.”

    Thanks for sharing this! It was fun to read. I have to look into “sugaring” because a few months back I had a catastrophic shaving experience where I ended up having bumps that turned into scaring (just starting to fade now), despite all the precautions of: new razor, exfoliating, antibiotic cream after… I did waxing a few times and just am not into the humiliation and cost. Veet depilatory has been my go-to now.

    (and 😛 sticking my tongue out at all you dark and lovely girls… you might make fun of us blonds, but no lip hair to remove, and infrequent eyebrow shaping is a definite benefit!!)

    Like

    • Try the sugaring! Much healthier in that area than Veet! I have no shame when getting it done and those girls have seen everything.

      SK is more visual than you think and his reaction to FSOG proves it. He needs to see you kneeling on a beautifully made bed in a neat and clean room. I bet you he’ll take notice.

      Spa girls, unite! I have wanted a spa weekend forever. Coach would be totally into it with me. Then I want a girl’s spa weekend. That would be a blast.

      Like

  6. Hurrah! Hurrah! What a fun day to set up a fun time. XO
    TMI (on my end, not yours) Brazilian Wax – no problems, do my own upper lip – no problems, do my own eyebrows — I must have elephant skin… 😀
    I don’t really like to spa day/hang out …. more of something to be done/ get it done dievca. I do like to nap in the sun with M. with extra time saved. Uhh, no kids… so the bedrooms are always clean.
    Love you!

    Like

    • I used to do my own eyebrows, and I thought I did a good job, but these women are amazing. Can you tell by the pic how perfectly shaped she gets my brows?

      The kids don’t hang out in our bedroom anymore like when they were young, so the room is fairly clean, but somehow I just have this obsessive need to really make it sparkle.

      Love you, too!

      Like

    • It’s really not that bad. I have it all down to a science now. The bedroom is usually pretty clean so it does not take me long to tackle and same goes for the bathroom. Checking on everything that we have takes all of 10 minutes and as far as the beauty prep, well people are taking care of me so it’s quite relaxing. Getting ready on the day of is so much fun because it’s date night, but we’re staying in. The tasks, assignments, and errands that Coach has me do over those weeks are quite normal for us. He may have me send a sexy pic or have me read something. It’s all part of the build up.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Sexy and BDSM in the Fifth Decade: Challenges… and Rewards | Desiring Discipline

  8. Wow. Just…wow. I am in absolute awe of your preparation and planning skills.

    Let’s see, we definitely have special towels. No pics of the boys in the room because yeah, that’s a mood killer, lol.

    On a side note, I nearly cried when I had to cancel my mani last week because my hair appointment ran long. I managed to get the pedicure done, which was nice. I’m finding that the more I embrace my babygirl side – and the longer I’m surrounded by only boys/men – the more I need the girly side. Hair, nails, facials, massage – yes, please.

    Oh! And Brazilian sugaring???? Tell me more, please. I can handle the wax, but if there’s something better out there, I’m ready and willing to learn more. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is my girly girl in her glory. Remember though, this is happening over a few week’s time and my monthly beauty indulgences are timed now for our scenes. Like I said in another comment, it’s like a big date night.

      Liked by 1 person

        • My philosophy is to do things in progression as you need to and be as flexible as you can. I’m always making lists and organizing according to need. Here’s a tip with organizing – organize according to your specific needs. For example, it sounds good to have a home oftice, but someone like me feels better and more inspired working at the kitchen table so I finally accommodated for that and now I’m more productive. The loft office is for storage (working on that), big projects, and quiet reading. We now have a stationary desk in the livingroom so I have all my office supplies near and I have a pretty wood file cabinet on casters so I can pull it near the table to work.

          Liked by 1 person

  9. Love this post.. Makes me want to deep clean my room. We’ve never had pictures of the kids in our room. Hell I don’t even like anybody to go into our room & to me it’s a no no to even sit on my bed. The only people I want on my bed is me & my husband..

    Like

    • The Master bedroom has to be a sanctuary. We didn’t have kids for 13 years into our marriage so we got very used to how our room should be. That got interrupted with having babies, but we got back our haven and I’m not giving it up for nothing.

      Like

  10. Great post. You are adorable. I don’t keep kiddo pics in my room either. For the exact same reason. Great minds think alike babe!
    It’s very important to carve out those times together. I’m looking forward to empty nesting and wonderful scenes like you described!

    Keri

    Like

Tell Us What You Think

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s