Come On Baby, Make It Hurt So Good: An Impact Play Guide

So you’re interested in impact play? Spanking, flogging, caning, and whipping has you intrigued. Maybe you’ve played around a bit, but now you want to get serious. I can totally relate, but you need to know a few things first. Whether you’re an expert or newbie, the rules remain the same and just winging it isn’t the smartest thing to do and as a matter of fact, is dangerous. Let me first give a warning: If you think impact play is an excuse to beat the shit out of your girlfriend and get away with it because you use the excuse that it’s “consensual, ” you’re a criminal that needs to be locked up in jail as this moron will soon find out:

I am not an expert by any stretch, but I have an awful lot of common sense, a hefty dose of street smarts, and have cultivated a knowledge base over the last three years because we rely on the advice of others who have climbed this mountain and have years and years of training, mentoring, and real life experience. If you’re going to do this then do it right so it can be the amazing experience you’ve always dreamed it to be.

OK, let’s get started. Before you jump in and start smacking you need to read up. Yes, you’re going to have to READ so stop being lazy about it and do your homework. A good place to start is with the following very interesting article that some of you may take issue with and find controversial, but I exhort you to take what the author is saying into consideration: Facts and Myths About BDSM Safety

Now that we have that out of the way (and feel free to bring it up in comments), here are the areas you will need to understand:

1) What is Impact Play

BDSM 101 — Impact Play

2) RACK, SSC, 4Cs

From “SSC” and “RACK” to the “4Cs”: Introducing a new Framework for Negotiating BDSM Participation

3) Negotiation

The Seductive Art of Negotiation

Private Duty: Negotiation

4) Safe Words

Sex Communication Tactic Derived from S&M #2: Safewords and Check-Ins 

When safe words are ignored

5) Consent

CONSENT and BDSM: The State of the Law

6) How, when, and where to strike

BDSM Basics: Impact Play Safe Zones and Spanking Tips

7) Endorphins

Know the science behind those wonderful feel good hormones:

A step-by-step guide to achieving subspace through impact play:

A relatively unknown condition called “Endorphin Shock”

8) First Aid (It is also a good idea for Dom and sub to get certified in first aid and CPR)

BDSM medical advice

Submissive Guide has a free printable for easy reference called Physical Aftercare and First Aid Quick Reference that you can download.

Beyond Whips and Chains: What Medical Students Need to Know About BDSM

Going to the Doctor with Kink-Related Marks or Bruises

First Aid for Bruises, Abrasions and Other After Play Marks

9) Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Caring for Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare

As you can see, there’s so much that goes into impact play. Start off slow and make sure you are with someone you can truly trust, and even then, take every reasonable and necessary precaution. You are not in competition with anyone and it’s perfectly fine to be a beginner at this. As a matter of fact, you gain tons of cool points if you lean towards the side of caution.

On a personal note, I encourage both Dom and sub to workout and stretch on a regular basis. You have to take care of your body if you’re going to engage in impact play. There is a connection between your mind and body that needs to be practiced regularly, but if you’re sedentary or even just mildly active it’s too easy for a disconnect to happen. If your body is not used to pushing itself physically you may have some very unpleasant experiences during impact play. Training on a regular basis also teaches your body how to recover as it gets used to getting hormones back to normal after surges.

Be healthy, be smart, and enjoy!

XO ~ Elle

27 thoughts on “Come On Baby, Make It Hurt So Good: An Impact Play Guide

  1. Wow, you little research nerd, you. I can see you now with the short white lab coat and stilettos–and some cuffs! You’ve given quite a bit of homework here, maestra! But seriously, thank you for taking the time to put this all out there! xxoo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now that’s a sexy outfit. There’s so much scattered info and I know it’s hard for people to weed through it. I get a kick out of finding those gems out there. Take a look at the endorphin section. Such a great guide to bringing a sub into subspace.


    • I hope it helps. You know what it’s like when you’re doing research…a lot of fluff pieces and watered-down information or so hard core you know it can’t be real. Then you have junk that is all opinion with no fact behind it.


      • Exactly. Because of the nature of the topic, finding credible information on BDSM is damn difficult. Plus, this is one of those things where we’re all unique snowflakes so wading through the personal stuff is quite difficult. Glad to have this. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, d. New people have a hard time distinguishing information and those that have been around need some updates every now and then. For example, SSC has been around for a while and then along came RACK, which by now most are familiar. The newest addition is the 4cs and I bet most have not heard of it. I linked a paper that I found very informative.


  2. I did a lot of thinking, writing, and talking before I had my first erotic spanking. That was a simple over the knee bare bottom and I think I spoke to the guy who did it for months before it happened. I’ve progressed to more intense things like whips and paddles etc, but that’s involved lots of conversation and negotiation with the person who spanks me. It was a slow progression and trust building. There’s a lot of necessary safety and conversation that has to happen. Poorly executed fantasies and lead to horrific realities if one isn’t smart. Nice post.


    • I wish all women are as smart as you, Cara. Some just jump in and throw caution to the wind. There is no rush. One step at a time and gradually build up. There is nothing to prove to anyone.


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