He Wants Me To Want It

To say that Coach loves my submission is an understatement. I’ve had a very busy 10 days and was given numerous tasks to complete. They were either business or research related, but I jumped in happily knowing how much taking on these responsibilities pleases him. I had a wonderful momentum going and he is very proud of me. A couple of nights ago he showed me just how proud he is of me with a very hard and fiery fuck that left me speechless and sated.

Our greatest strength as a couple is that when we are faced with major life choices we always make the same choice. There has never been a time in our 28 years together when we had to choose a major path and were at major odds with each other. Whether it’s religion, politics, children, education, housing, or health, we always turn up on the same page, but our methods are so different in how we get there. These big ticket items are usually make or break for most couples. Anytime a new concept or idea is presented we each go out of our way to share with the other everything we know and believe.

One of the things I love most about Coach is that he prefers to not be the type of Dom that makes a decision and demands that I follow it no matter what I believe. He wants me to want it as much as he does because when we’re both sold out to the same cause magic happens. He wants me in agreement with him and that’s where I want to be as well. He doesn’t believe in forced submission and although he knows that I’ll follow and obey (maybe with a little hemming and hawing at first), he swells with pride and joy when I willing and lovingly obey.

Part of the beauty of a D/s relationship is in it’s uniqueness. How we do what we do may be so very different than how you do it, but that’s what makes it all so special. We’ve learned (and initially we sucked at it) how to communicate so that we understand each other. We both go to great lengths to make that happen because it is mandatory in our relationship that we have that deep connection. We thrive on it and are at our best when we both want the very same things.

I know I will be heard and I know he will seek to understand me and not just dismiss my thoughts and feelings. I will always do the same for him. Yes, there are times when some kind of stupid fear gets in the way and I take too long to go to him, but in my heart of hearts I know he will listen no matter when I come to him to share what I’m thinking and feeling. I messed up pretty big last month and missed a very important deadline. Life was kicking my ass and it got away from me. I had to go to Coach with a heavy heart and confess my blunder. I was trying to fix it on my own and couldn’t. He took my burden and made it right, just like I knew he would, but I had to sweat out a weekend because nothing could be done until that Monday morning. He never got mad, but instead we examined what went on in our lives that caused the mistake to happen. As much as this was my fault he said it was his responsibility as well and he took an equal share in the blame. He let things get away from him too and we had to deal with it. He is not a Dom that looks for opportunities to punish me, but takes every opportunity to help me improve and grow. This was the perfect opportunity for both of us to improve and grow.

He wants me to want it and I do. I really do.

23 thoughts on “He Wants Me To Want It

  1. I think you’re describing what I would consider a healthy, loving D/s relationship. Our ideals and values may be different, and the way we approach life may be different, but the idea of being in sync – or at least willing to compromise with another – as well as the willingness to submit (or Dominate, as the case may be) – is what makes it all work. I can understand (kind of) the excitement of “forced” submission, and I’m sure there are plenty of people who prefer it that way, but I think it sets up a lot of heartache and aggravation, too.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Coach has always said that if he feels it’s important enough to demand something forcefully from me that it’s absolutely for my protection.

      It really is about being in sync. There is a grace and beauty there that transcends. I know him. He knows me. It’s amazing that we’ve come that far.

      I fix that incomplete sentence. Don’t know how that happened.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Elle, that is so lovely and true. It makes you want to be your best, because you know if you make mistakes you won’t be crushed. Many things don’t get started or completed because people worry that they cannot make a mistake (Analyze to Paralyze).
    Good for you and Coach. Fabulous. XO

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes! Fear motivation is temporary. As a Coach he doesn’t use that tactic and he certainly doesn’t use it with me. I feel safe and I know he has my best interest always. His athletes have huge respect for him because he always searches for what makes them tick, for what motivates and inspire s them. Inspiration is a powerfully creative force and should be cultivated and coaxed. I know how fortunate I am.

      I am taking that phrase “analyze to paralyze” if you don’t mind. That will be a whole chapter in my book (yes, I’m also writing a book).

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  3. I’m happy for you!
    Like you, I have a deep need to help, please, be of service etc… Unfortunately, it was abused in my previous relationship and my voice was never heard, or I never felt safe in speaking my true heart. I’m glad that you managed to explain how respectful your relationship is, because even with this, this is still too raw for me, I am still having anxiety when reading he wants me to want it… 😦
    But it’s only in hearing, reading stories like yours and Coach’s that I will heal, in time.
    XO

    Like

    • I really want you to heal. There really are many, many men like Coach. They want you to be all you are and adore all of your unique qualities, thoughts, feelings, and desires. I really hope you find someone you can trust who trusts you back.

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  4. I love that Elle. It is our chosen dynamic too, and we feel that we are (almost? ) always on the same page. We are so new in our relationship, but every major thing so far we agree on.
    Reading about your relationship and dynamic only further confirms that this is the path we want to follow as well.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh, goodness, Cinn, you brought tears to my eyes. It’s so wonderful how you and Hunter have begun. You have a great foundation and are building skillfully and with such love, care, and devotion. Our views on everything pertaining to life have changed and changed and then changed again and each time we come together. Some things were immediate and other things needed a little time to chew on, but that’s all part of the process. The desire to be in sync means you will be and you’ll work for it. You both have the world at your feet and you inspire me.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I have never had a D/s dynamic, but wouldn’t much of those same applications work for any healthy committed couple? I can count on one hand the number of ‘fights’ we have had in our 37 years. We always come to an agreement, eventually, as you said, each in our own way. I can only imagine how the D/s dynamic would enhance our relationship. I am so happy for each of you that are travelling that journey.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Little known fact is that Coach and I have had some big fights over the years. Never over major issues, but usually about people and situations. I used to over commit with volunteer projects at church and Coach didn’t want me killing myself. I had a crazy need to serve. I needed to submit somewhere. It took a long time to figure it all out. Good Communication has to be the foundation of any relationship.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ditto here! This is such a a great reminder of that “in sync” thing that makes a good marriage great. Your coach sounds as though he has a similar “mercy gift” as does my Sir Knight. As much as “punishment” and discipline has attraction for me, you make me think about the blessing of a man who doesn’t seek to punish or scold, but rather to encourage and come alongside to help. I know SK would do no less. Great thoughts, my dear!

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life.” Most look for God’s goodness and mercy everywhere except the most obvious of places. My husband is full of goodness and mercy and shows it to me everyday. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church.” This is how that verse operates in our lives.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Elle,

    I absolutely adore you. You speak straight to my heart and sentiment on this post (as you do on all of your posts). When you are on the same page and communicate, it makes all the difference…pepper in the strength, guidance and direction we receive by submitting fully to those we love and it’s magic.
    Maestro is very similar to Coach. He helps me to learn from my mistakes. He works with me and we figure it out together. He doesn’t punish, or even become angry. He is far too controlled for that. More than anything, he makes me better…a better friend, a better daughter to my ailing father, a better mother to my children (he is amazing with my kids, also) and a better submissive to him. As we prepare for his move here (THIS WEEKEND) I am filled with excitement and anticipation. I hope our journey is as long and special as the one you share with Coach.

    Love this post…and your beautiful heart,
    -lex

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yay for the two of you, Lex! I’m so behind on posts, but will pop over to your blog today to catch up on all the exciting news.

      So glad this resonated with you. Coach can get annoyed, frustrated, irritated, and disappointed, but so seldom ever angry. I saw him angry a few months ago because there were some people that hurt me/us. They were so incensed that a Dom got angry. Doms can go there, but the circumstances need to be such that major lines are crossed and harm is done. Woe to those who get him angry!

      You two have a great foundation and I wish nothing but the best to you and Maestro! XO

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  8. the two of you make me smile. I have lacked the words to explain to my king what you so elegantly stated. D/s is not always, and need not be about puinishment and control. But about ones desire to do the things that make the other happy. To share in decisions rather than to blindly follow. I wish you both many many more happy and loving years.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Every power exchange is going to be different. Coach doesn’t have to force control over me. We yearn to be in sync and we can anticipate each other’s needs. There have been many times when he asked me for blind faith, but he has proven trustworthy so I was able to give it. Trust is vital. So happy for how things are going for you.

      Liked by 1 person

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