Emotional Abuse

It got flushed back up last October. I was already dealing with some issues when the text messages started. Initially disguised as an invitation the messages were actually demands.

I was being summoned by one of my brothers to fly to Florida and attend his only son’s wedding on Valentine’s Day. He was telling all us siblings that our mother wanted all her children in one room together with her before she died. My first question was to ask if she was dying. No, she was not, but according to my brother she was going to keel over any moment and I was selfish for questioning. I told him that I probably wouldn’t be able to make it. Subsequent messages over the next month and a half became more demanding. Not once was I asked and every message became more threatening.

This is the brother that abused me. This is the brother that abused two wives. This is the mother that defends his actions. His last domestic violence arrest was on Thanksgiving 2013. His wife called the police on him. His excuse was that he didn’t do anything because he passed out. There was blood on his arms. She dropped the charges. I called him an abuser to my mother and she flipped. Again, but it’s nothing new, I was the trouble maker.

I haven’t seen this brother since June 2007. I haven’t seen my mother since July 2006. I haven’t seen my oldest brother since August 1993 and have never met two of his three children. I haven’t seen my two other brothers since August 2003 and they have only met one of my two children. I stay away from my family. The only one I want to see is my youngest brother. He is the only one I have anything in common with. The other three engaged in all sorts of illegal activities from dealing drugs to stealing cars. My mother just cannot wrap her head around the fact that they are not good boys. She has bailed them out over and over. She still believes she can save these 50-something year old punks. Not one has had to serve more than a couple of days in county jail, but maybe, just maybe had the example been set early on with the first incident, or if true accountability was instituted in my family, we could actually be a family today. They are selfish, nasty, crude, bitter, abusive, disgusting, arrogant, and hostile. I suffered terrible emotional and physical abuse at their hands. That one brother I mentioned was the worst of all.

They all got together, but not for the wedding since no one could make it in February. They got together for my mom’s 80th birthday yesterday. My youngest brother was there. We talked this morning and he said he can’t take it anymore. He stood up to them. They tried picking on him way back when, but like them, he got tall and broad. I stood a mere 5’3″ and 110 lbs to the abuser’s 6’6″ 215 lbs. I never cowered and I always fought back. I will always fight back, but they can’t hurt me anymore. I stay in my little corner of the world living the life I want to live and I wonder how many take abuse from their families as adults when they don’t have to. I have the power now and I will NEVER hand it back over to them.
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33 thoughts on “Emotional Abuse

    • Dang, do I have a lot of typos. I’ll edit this obviously unedited, typed out on my phone way too late piece of emotional release later today. I haven’t been able to sleep and for the last four months I’ve been on edge. The one brother tried to go bat shit crazy on me in January and dragged every family member into it. He even tried to drag my kids into it. He is now persona non grata. I’ve blocked him from everything and everyone knows it. I will not be treated like crap by anyone. Period!

      Liked by 3 people

  1. I grew up in a home with both emotional and physical abuse at the hands of an alcoholic stepfather (who is long gone). He became a violent man after years of emotional manipulation. I planned to kill him in his sleep until he took off for a month giving my mother time to pack our house and us to flee. She inadvertently saved his life by doing so.

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    • So glad you mom got you all out of that. KY mother was an alcoholic. All the problems started because he was dying and he slowed down and couldn’t deal with anything. My mother did everything behind his back and used emotional manipulation to keep me quiet. I couldn’t keep quiet and they tried to punish me for it. I was so young. My father died a year after I graduated high school and I left home to save my life.

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      • My mother was too caught up in her hell to see what it was doing to us. My SF beat my mother with his .38. She called the police and they told her…I am serious…”do what your husband tells you to do.”

        One night when he was drunk, I sneaked into his room and stole one of his handguns. I planned that I was going to shoot him in his sleep when my mother was out of the house. I never got the opportunity nor did I ever tell my mother. I did have to sneak his gun back into his things when we started packing.

        I am sorry that your mom didn’t protect you from your brothers. I am also sorry that they continue to attempt to manipulate you. Elle, you are strong and confident person and though they try to get their hooks back in, you are too wise and possess the power and control. You are in a good place. So am I.

        Btw, my mother got a divorce that took two years to attain. My former stepfather married a woman whom he impregnated while he was married to my mother. He did the same thing to her and she left him. To this day, no one knows where he is. My former step-cousin and I remain friends. My former SF comes up in conversation the common refrain of, “no one has seen him in X-years.” I roll my eyes and so does he. I am sure that he is buried, nameless in some pauper’s grave somewhere.

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  2. I hope your decision brings you peace like I achieved after “trimming the fat” from my life. I had to do the same thing nine years ago with my father. We haven’t spoken since, and I didn’t realize I was being abused until my husband (then fiancée) saved me from my father and a back-stabbing roommate. It’s taken a long time, but now I can forgive and definitely forget them all together. 😀

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  3. I have decided that when I have hurtful and damaging things from my past, I needed to accept them, thank the perpetrator for making me stronger (without condoning ANYTHING) and move on to live the best life possible. Just because you are related by blood, doesn’t mean you HAVE to accept them into your life. If they were friends, would you keep them around? I, too, have family that I will NEVER interact with again, for me and especially my kids. I am SO GLAD to read that you have been able to hold on to your strength and resolve. Keep living YOUR life. Being Happy is always the best revenge. 🙂

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    • I will always do whatever I need to do for my kids. My family is shocked that I’ve stood so strong. They tried emotional manipulation, but for my kids, they can’t break me. Our little family is happy and strong.

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  4. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your strength with the world… I find you truly inspirational. Your children are very lucky to have such a strong, intelligent, protective and loving mom. Kudos sweetheart.

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  5. Stay strong. As we each have our own story, you will get through this. I separated from my family for 15 years, no contact. Even after that a reconciliation was merely polite. Do what is best for yourself and your children. Always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My reply to Robin somehow went under your comment.

      My interaction with them is polite and strained as well. We interact only when we have to. I have my younger brother who understands me more now than he ever has. He got to see them in all their crapiness in a way that really opened his eyes.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Happy to have stumbled upon this. I can identify.

    33 years old. Just over a year since I “realized” the depth of the toxicity. Still struggling to break free. Had a tough day with parents in town. I needed just this.

    Thank you.

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