Can Your Husband Really Be Your Dom?

I’m going out on a limb here, but I suspect you haven’t asked yourself this question. I also suspect that the only thing you’ve really been thinking is that you want to be a submissive and you want to be dominated so by default you’re putting your husband in the position of being your Dom. You consider yourself a submissive so naturally he must be a Dominant. He must be your Dom.

There are many women, who, after having a submissive light bulb turn on, run to their husbands with the good news that they are now available for domination only to be rebuffed. The submissive is perplexed because in her mind, he should WANT to be her Dom. Isn’t this what he wanted all along? The rationalization process then kicks into gear and she starts making a list of all of his dominant traits. Once she makes this detailed list the questions then begin:

How could he not want this?

Why doesn’t he want to take control?

He’s so opinionated about everything that he has to be a Dom.

He’s a leader at work so why doesn’t this come naturally to him!

I’m giving so much of myself; why doesn’t he want to give to me, too?

Having dominant traits does not make you a Dominant.

Your man may be the head of a department, own his own business, be a CEO, a CFO, a VP, or some other type of VIP, but it doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Your man may be the most masculine of all men. He may dominate the field or the court with his ball skills. He may be a sharp shooter. He may be a manly man, but it doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Your man may be highly respected in your community, the head of numerous committees, a self-starter if ever there was one, but doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Your man may be a high income earner. He may have a Ph.D. He may even be on the brink of finding a cure for cancer, but it doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Think of it this way – Do some of you ladies have dominant traits, but you know in your heart of hearts you’re a submissive? Your husband has to also know in his own heart that he’s a Dom. You can’t be the one to declare it for him. If he does make the determination that he is a Dominant he has to CHOOSE to be YOUR Dom. He’s going to look at your actions and will listen to your words to decide how and when he wants to go about this with you.

By the way, on his way to making his decision he’ll have some strong thoughts about you, too.

She’s a great wife, but I don’t think she can be the submissive I need.

She has her own mind and gets stubborn. Dominating her will be too much work.

I know more about this than she thinks I do and she has no idea what she’s trying to get herself into.

All she thinks about is what’s wrong between us. She’s too hard to satisfy.

Life is too hard right now and this is going to take my focus away from getting things done.

She’s too needy.

She’s never listened to me before. I don’t believe she can change.

I don’t want a robot and I don’t want her to change. I don’t want the woman I love to go away.

You have to weigh all of this out. You have to face some real questions and concerns. Before you go down this road you have to find out the man you’re really married to. Change has to start with you. Work on your submission first and let him notice on his own. Let him comment without your prompting. You may have to do this in microsteps, but there’s no rush. Life is still going on around you with all of its ups and downs and there will be a lot of starts and stops. His light bulb has to turn on the same way yours did and the best you can do is be the person he needs, not some idealized version you think he wants.

I Missed You

Hello! I’ve been away far too long. I’ve been working, doing family things, fixing up around the house, and getting the kids ready for back to school. Coach has been wonderful this summer and we’ve been able to go to an even deeper level. We’ve worked our butts off and have supported each other the whole way. You would think I would have more time to write and to take care of me in the summer, but it’s when the kids are in school that I get my quiet times. It’s all about to change.

I have an interview today for a position at a big company. The pay is OK and the benefits are excellent. I got to bypass the entire online process because a friend works there as a hiring manager. She hand delivered my resume after consulting the Head of HR about the position best suited for me. I quickly had a phone interview and he immediately asked me to come in for the in person interview. I’ve got butterflies. I have doubts as to whether or not I’ll fit back into Corporate life. I need this experience and I need all the options I can get.

The guy (let’s call him R) I’ve been going admin/personal assisting work for on and off has me coming in a lot lately. R has given me more hours and he mentioned that he wants me to be an employee because he has a ton of work for me. I will have to go through a security process and be registered with the state. I know he doesn’t just have people go through that process unless he knows he wants them there all the time. He trusts me, which is evidenced by him giving me the keys to his house and cars, pins to all his cards, and especially by the confidentiality of the work I’m given. He pays more than the other job. What I don’t get in benefits I’d get in pay, so it’s pretty much six of one, half a dozen of the other. The hours are very flexible. I’m allowed to work from home on many assignments. Last summer and this past spring I worked almost exclusively from home on some big projects. I would never be able to work from home with the job I interview for today.

As long as I can be guaranteed the full time hours I need I would much prefer working for R. Drop off and pick from school would be easy and I woudn’t have to pay for before/after school care. Also, Coach has been R’s trainer for years. Coach said he always feels good when I work there because he knows I will be treated well. R is as calm as a cucumber and a complete gentleman. I am comfortable around him. Plus, he is total chill and everyone who works for him dresses as casually as they like. I won’t be quite as casual, purposely, but I won’t need a full-on Corporate wardrobe. I can dress creatively and that makes me all kinds of happy.

I haven’t told R about the interview. I won’t need to unless I’m offered the job. I think getting an offer will make for good negotiations. I know R is expanding and has a big investor. The money is there and he’ll need me. I need to play my cards right so I can get what I need. R used to be a professional poker player so I know he’ll understand. I work for him tomorrow.

Here’s the kicker…During all of this I’ve been doing my business of investigations and compliance audits. I received an assignment yesterday that pays well. I go to call to schedule the inspection and was stunned when I saw the name – R’s other partner! He’s the one I haven’t met, but have talked to a few times. I do the inspection at his business on Thursday. Coincidence? I don’t think so. He gets to see me in a professional capacity and that can only be a good thing. R had a good laugh about it yesterday.

Can you tell all of this work stuff has been taking up a ton of my time? Coach and I are making sure we have plenty of time together and we’re planning some adventure. We connect as much as possible. We take nothing for granted. Life can suck up your time and energy so you have to be purposeful about carving out time for what you need. I’m proud of us. Yeah, we’ve weathered some storms and too many times crashed at the end of the day, but our foundation is strong. We don’t question our marriage, D/s, or our family. We’re solid and in it all for the long haul. No doubts, no fear. Life is good.