Can Your Husband Really Be Your Dom?

I’m going out on a limb here, but I suspect you haven’t asked yourself this question. I also suspect that the only thing you’ve really been thinking is that you want to be a submissive and you want to be dominated so by default you’re putting your husband in the position of being your Dom. You consider yourself a submissive so naturally he must be a Dominant. He must be your Dom.

There are many women, who, after having a submissive light bulb turn on, run to their husbands with the good news that they are now available for domination only to be rebuffed. The submissive is perplexed because in her mind, he should WANT to be her Dom. Isn’t this what he wanted all along? The rationalization process then kicks into gear and she starts making a list of all of his dominant traits. Once she makes this detailed list the questions then begin:

How could he not want this?

Why doesn’t he want to take control?

He’s so opinionated about everything that he has to be a Dom.

He’s a leader at work so why doesn’t this come naturally to him!

I’m giving so much of myself; why doesn’t he want to give to me, too?

Having dominant traits does not make you a Dominant.

Your man may be the head of a department, own his own business, be a CEO, a CFO, a VP, or some other type of VIP, but it doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Your man may be the most masculine of all men. He may dominate the field or the court with his ball skills. He may be a sharp shooter. He may be a manly man, but it doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Your man may be highly respected in your community, the head of numerous committees, a self-starter if ever there was one, but doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Your man may be a high income earner. He may have a Ph.D. He may even be on the brink of finding a cure for cancer, but it doesn’t mean he’s a Dom.

Think of it this way – Do some of you ladies have dominant traits, but you know in your heart of hearts you’re a submissive? Your husband has to also know in his own heart that he’s a Dom. You can’t be the one to declare it for him. If he does make the determination that he is a Dominant he has to CHOOSE to be YOUR Dom. He’s going to look at your actions and will listen to your words to decide how and when he wants to go about this with you.

By the way, on his way to making his decision he’ll have some strong thoughts about you, too.

She’s a great wife, but I don’t think she can be the submissive I need.

She has her own mind and gets stubborn. Dominating her will be too much work.

I know more about this than she thinks I do and she has no idea what she’s trying to get herself into.

All she thinks about is what’s wrong between us. She’s too hard to satisfy.

Life is too hard right now and this is going to take my focus away from getting things done.

She’s too needy.

She’s never listened to me before. I don’t believe she can change.

I don’t want a robot and I don’t want her to change. I don’t want the woman I love to go away.

You have to weigh all of this out. You have to face some real questions and concerns. Before you go down this road you have to find out the man you’re really married to. Change has to start with you. Work on your submission first and let him notice on his own. Let him comment without your prompting. You may have to do this in microsteps, but there’s no rush. Life is still going on around you with all of its ups and downs and there will be a lot of starts and stops. His light bulb has to turn on the same way yours did and the best you can do is be the person he needs, not some idealized version you think he wants.