My Privilege

We’ve never been understood and we never will
It took us years to understand us
We don’t have the expectation to be understood anymore
I enjoy our cocoon, the one we slip into whenever we’re around anyone else
No one has gotten in and that’s fine by me
I only want to be understood by you
We put words out there and give people a glimpse
But that’s all it can ever be
This is our special life
It’s not anyone’s to understand and make sense of
It is my distinct privilege to know the real you and to love you

What Is A True Soul Mate?

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Sir, you are my true soul mate. You speak the truth in love and fight for my heart and mind. Thank you for never giving up on me and for pointing out truth from error, real from fake, fantasy from reality, and deception from uprightness.

A Thought, A Plea, A Wish, A Song

It hasn’t always been easy, baby. We’ve had to fight some hard battles and there are a few left to fight. I admire your tenacity and your hard work and dedication. I know that working as hard as you do isn’t about you being a workaholic. Your hard work is based on necessity and an intense sense of responsibility and I support you. There are so many things we want to do and see, but life has taken another turn and now we have to, yet again, readjust, redo, rework, realign. It’s exhausting and I see your weariness, but I also see in your eyes how much you want to give to me. My respect for you is beyond measure. I know you’ll never give up on our dreams. You’re just a little too far away in thought right now and I ache.

I love when you’re feeling strong and relieved. I miss your playfulness. I miss your spontaneity. I miss the totality of you when you feel free. Those things haven’t gone away completely and I know you’re trying so hard to stay connected. I want to help you relieve your stress. Please take it all out on me and in me. Use me hard. Devour me. I can take it. I want to take it…for you…for me…for us.

I also know that right now you’d just like nothing more than to sleep for a week straight and not have to talk or deal with anyone or anything and that probably includes me. I know it would only be temporary so you can decompress and unwind; so you can gather your thoughts and plan a strategy. The thought doesn’t make me sad because I want that for you. I want whatever is going to help you be you. I wish I could give that to you and then at the end of that week of rest you come and get me and take me away with you and share with me all those things that needed to be thought.

Until then, take refuge in me.

This song has nothing to do with anything I wrote except for the fact that I know how much you love James and I just want to put a smile on your face. Don’t you love the Italian introduction? I thought it’s totally fitting for us. Italians love their sex machines 😉 I know I love mine. Can I be your Go-Go girl?

My Love, My Love

I hope you read this soon, my love
I hope you read this soon
Your words to me have taken root and the branches are now in bloom.

I hope you read this soon, my love
I hope you read this soon
Your words to me have forged our path and the obstacles have all been hewn.

I hope you read this soon, my love
I hope you read this soon
Your words to me have healed my soul and to your heart I am forever attuned.

Thank you for speaking such life giving words to me and always understanding me, wiping my tears with your kisses, and teaching me to fly. I love you forever and beyond, soul of my soul and heart of my heart.

Happy Anniversary

Brick by brick we kicked them down
Who’s that saying stay in your bounds?
We’ve risen to a higher ground

Now we’re living life as it should be
Can you believe our fantasies?
It’s always been just you and me

We’re doing it our way
We’re both here to stay
It’s a new day
They can’t take that away

Show me everything you see
I hope you know I’m here to please?
You always give just the right tease

We both have so much more to live
Do you know how much I want to give?
I’m your loving submissive

We’re doing it our way
We’re both here to stay
It’s a new day
They can’t take that away

Happy 25th Anniversary to my fucking hot as hell husband and most amazing Dominant. I love you, baby, and always will.

His Muscles02

Happy Birthday, Sir!

Today is my Sir’s 55th birthday. You would NEVER in a million years know that he is 55. Most think he is at least 20 years younger. There is not a wrinkle on his skin, because, you know what they say, “Black don’t crack.”

I wish he didn’t have to work today so we could stay home and play, but there’s always tonight!

Little Girl Lost

Each night, up until I was about 12, I would curl up in my father’s lap and he would stroke my hair and hum or softly sing me a song. I would rest my head on his shoulder or his chest and could easily spend over an hour each night in his lap enjoying his undivided attention. He would even run his finger lightly up and down my arm, which seemed to put me in a hypnotic trance. To this day, if that is done to me or if my hair is stroked, I instantly melt and become very calm and quiet. I was daddy’s little girl, his only daughter, and I knew without a doubt that I was loved and cherished. His nickname for me was Funny Face, from the Audrey Hepburn movie. I looked nothing like her, but he said I had the same twinkle in my eyes.

That girl in her father’s lap is who I really am and I have spent the last 35 years trying to get her back. I keep that girl hidden away because she is easily wounded. She gives her heart out, but will get seriously damaged if someone steps on it. She has been wearing the armor of a strong, tough, bold New York Italian girl who had to physically fight off people to survive. That armor was put on in order to defend herself against a mother and two brothers that set out to physically, emotionally, verbally, and mentally abuse her until she was 17 because she lost the protection of her father who was slowly dying over those years and would die instantly from a massive heart attack when she was 19 (he was 56). She hates the armor she bears because it is exhausting to wear and she really does not like to fight. She wants to be the girl with the twinkle in her eyes, the girl who is soft and gentle. The girl her daddy was proud of and adored.

I think I’m having the beginning of breakthrough that has been building for a couple of months. I’m told by those closest to me that I don’t have to hide anymore and I can just be me. I don’t exactly know how to do that and I need my Sir to help me. My submissive awakening was the beginning of finally letting that girl out. She closed herself off when she was just a young girl and she doesn’t know how to be an adult. Sir has loved me through all these years and has seen this girls many, many times, but even with him she retreats and then puts on the armor. Sir loves me in spite of the armor and will be with me to the end.

My greatest hurdle as a submissive is to finally put away my hard, bad-ass persona and be who I really am. It’s been coming out and there already has been a lot of healing, but there is so much more to do. Will I turn people off by what’s really there? Will I lose friends? My children know this girl because with them she does not hide and does the same things her father did with her. I cuddle with my children all the time and sing and hum those songs. My daughter is almost 12 and I don’t want her to retreat. Her daddy is very good to her and it melts my heart to see them together, but it also makes me sad that it stopped so early for me.

So now I endeavor to truly be me. I don’t know what it’s going to look like, but I just can’t live with myself anymore. I don’t like the hardness. I’m tired of defending myself. I know I have a husband that will hold my hand and guide me through it all. I just want to be me, my daddy’s Funny Face, and my Sir’s little kippy.