21 Strange Things About Me

Here’s my quirkiness on a platter for your amusement. I am having a lovely and lazy Saturday morning and I thought maybe some of you would like to know a few things. Here goes:

1) I can sound exactly like a horse. I started doing it when I worked on a thoroughbred horse farm in high school. It strips my vocal cords so I don’t do it anymore.

2) Speaking of vocal cords, I’m a pretty good singer and a pretty good dancer, too. I grew up doing musical theater and worked at being a triple threat.

3) I sang in a band for a short time my senior year in high school. I was very late for rehearsal one day and thank God I was because everyone in the band had just gotten busted for possession of cocaine.

4) I have had a lot of jobs over the years… A LOT! I am a Jill of all trades and a master of nothing. I have natural talents and have honed some skills…I’m a great cook and I’m really good with taxes…but as for making either of those my profession, I’m not interested. I’ve mainly worked as an executive assistant and office manager for a variety of businesses. I’ve also spent time as an assistant biblical researcher/assistant editor and as an event planner…all on the job training. I’m known for picking things up quickly and for my work ethic, which has kept me employed as necessary. I’m pretty dang good at acing a job interview.

5) When I was pregnant with our son I formed an improv/sketch comedy group and wrote, directed, and produced irreverent bible-themed comedy. The first drafts of the scripts we wrote were dirty and raunchy. By the time they got to stage they were cleaned up, but the original scripts stayed in our heads and we would purposely throw things out at each other on stage to bust each other up. I had a group of 20-somethings that kept me on my toes. Coach even performed with us in several productions..

6) I love spa treatments – massages, facials, mani/pedis – I love it all. However, it can get expensive so I do many things at home. Right now I’m into microneedling and I am getting fantastic results. I also have a compulsion to keep my feet as soft and smooth as a baby’s bottom. Speaking of feet, I have cute, tiny toes.

7) I directed and produced several musicals for youth theater, including The Sound of Music. Our daughter was 3 at the time and went to every rehearsal with me. She memorized the entire script and score including every dance, costume change, and all of the blocking. Today, at 12, her favorite school subject is Latin, which she has been taking since PreK. I want to be her when I grow up.

8) I love cats. Right now we only have one, a Russian Blue name Buddy. He’s officially our daughter’s cat. Before Buddy we had 3 cats and a dog. All of them died of old age and we remained pet-less for 4 years. The family wants a dog now, but I would like another cat. Cats are mysterious and I’m drawn to that.

9) When I was 17 and a senior in high school I had a Swedish boyfriend who was in college (I did not date high school boys and I had a thing for accents). We were very hot and heavy, but I was determined to remain a virgin through high school. He snuck me into his basement bedroom one night while he was home for spring break and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was ready. We were going at each other with all our young hormones firing off and I was dripping wet. We were both kneeling with my back to his chest when he suddenly pushed me down onto the bed. He had every intention of taking my virginity, but we were wet and very slippery and it was pitch black and…he got the wrong hole! Yes, that’s right, I lost my anal virginity first. I’m a special girl because it didn’t hurt at all!

10) I have 2 speeds – stop and go. I am either cleaning my house top to bottom or watching piles grow. I’m not a hoarder, though, and if clutter gets to a certain point I start pitching at a furious pace. I will watch that show Hoarders for motivation and then go into a cleaning frenzy.

11) I can laugh really loud and if things are really funny I snort.

12) I have a weird fantasy of being a mathematician. Every now and then I have a dream of being struck by lightening and when I wake in the hospital I am able to do extraordinarily complex mathematical calculations in my head. I am then brought into an international think tank where I unlock the secrets of quantum physics.

13) Sex on an out-cropping of lava rocks at sunset on a beach in Kauai. I’m just saying.

14) I was invited to a party while in theater school and unbeknownst to me it was an orgy of what had to be at least 30 people. I didn’t have time to do a head count and I think I lost my ability to count in that moment. It took what seemed like an eternity for my brain to register what my eyes were seeing. Then I felt a hand grab my ankle and I high-tailed it out of there. To this day those images swirl around in my mind. You can’t un-see certain things. At the same time, I really got intrigued. I have some crazy parties in my mind and if you’re ever allowed entrance you’re in for a real treat ūüėČ

15) I ran up Masada in Israel, floated in the Dead Sea, danced with IDF soldiers at a club in Tiberias on the banks of the Sea of Galilee, rescued a teen from the hands of 2 slimey European men at a club in Jerusalem, and I even saved my own life when a man lunged at me and put his hands between my legs and tried to force me to go with him while I was resting from a hike at Ein Gedi. He was only speaking Arabic, but understood the rock I had in my hand and knew what it meant when I waved my wedding ring in his face and screamed at the top of my lungs that I was married. He ran when he heard the voices of the men in our group, who heard my screams, calling out to me.

16) I rescued a man in Grand Central Station who was being attacked by a homeless man. If you haven’t guessed, I fight back and have an unusually strong survival and rescue instinct. I took a test once that said I would make an excellent fire fighter, police officer, or do well in the military.

17) I am distantly related to The Incredible Hulk.

18) I can play 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Damn, that man gets around!

19) I have very eclectic taste in music and know the lyrics to a lot of songs. My dad used to sing opera and at one time I played the flute (1st chair), but I sold my flute for drug money in 10th grade. I love a great guitar solo, the deep groin stirring resonance of a bass guitar, the ass shaking rhythm of congas, pitch perfect harmonies, and the sexy seduction of a saxophone. You’ve got to love an instrument that uses a flutter tongue technique to create a raspy, growling sound. I make that same sound when I’m flutter tongued.

20) My taste in everything is eclectic and I have no real favorite anything. I thrive on variety. My taste in food ranges from Italian to Greek to Spanish to Portuguese to Middle Eastern and even Caribbean (mainly Puerto Rican, Cuban, and Dominican). I’ve been blessed to know people from all around the world who have taught me how to cook such a wide variety of delicious ethnic dishes. I do know that I like strong flavors.

21) I’m giving you 21 because I was 21 when I met my husband and #21 on my list of Kama Sutra sex positions is called The Hero. Coach is my hero and #21 is a really good position for G-spot orgasms.

Should I Buy That Toy? A Handy Guide!

I found this over at http://rollinthehay.blogspot.ca/2013/07/should-i-buy-that-toy-handy-guide.html¬†and thought, “Wow, someone is as nerdy as me!” I love doing research and who doesn’t love a good flowchart.

Should I Buy That Sex Toy?

Sometimes a friend comes to me and wants my advice on toy shopping. ¬†Often these friends are brand new to toys or want to try a new variety of toy. ¬†I immediately start lobbing facts and demands at them. ¬†No jelly! ¬†Read reviews! ¬†Stay away from packages containing porn stars! ¬†I imagine it can be a bit startling for them. ¬†But today I thought, hey, you know what would help? ¬†A flowchart. ¬†Yes, I am¬†that nerdy. ¬†I made a sex toy buying flowchart. ¬†Wanna see? ¬†I present to you…

I hope that helps those that need a little bit of help deciding whether that toy they’re looking at is likely to be a good buy, especially if money is tight.

Don’t Let Age Get In The Way

You really can do this for the rest of your life. You just need to make some lifestyle adjustments.

Be On Time!

This is why I believe in schedules. I absolutely must know what I’m doing every hour on the hour!

Hide Your Bondage Gear In Plain Sight

Well this caught my eye as I was on HGTV.com checking out 10 Creative Ways to Use Household Items As Curtain Hardware. This just made me laugh and laugh! Thank you HGTV…the new BDSM network! See, decorating is sexy. What other ways can we come up with to put that gear out there in the open for all to enjoy?