I Outed Myself….Sorta

Every week at work we have a one-hour team meeting and two 15-minute team huddles. It was during one of these short team huddles that I said something that shocked our 10 member team and my supervisor. It was unavoidable because I could not allow the comment that was thrown at me like a grenade to explode at my feet.

We were discussing policies and procedures and handling irate customers. My Supervisor then stated that the way to handle those customers who insist on getting their way was to just nod our heads in agreement. A co-worker quickly interjected, “Like Elle’s husband does when she tells him what to do.”

Wow!

Everyone laughed in agreement. I gave pause and then calmly replied,

“I would never disrespect my husband in such a way and even more, my husband would never allow me to speak to him disrespectfully. I am a competent, take charge woman, but when have you ever heard me speak to anyone disrespectfully? For the record, my husband is the head of our household and he is a true leader. I fear no man and will stand up for myself wherever and whenever, even with my husband, but suggesting that I order him around like some kind of idiot and make him bend to my will is something that he’s going to have a good laugh at tonight, so thank you for that.”

Elvis has left the building.

Happy New Year!

What a year it’s been! I’m so happy to say goodbye to 2015 and hello to a year of possibilities and hope.

We’ve been reading, researching, exploring, and implementing. I’m so thankful for who I am, where I’ve been, and how much I’ve learned.

We’re going to make this the best year ever and embrace every blessing and opportunity.

Wishing all of you peace, love, hope, and joy! Happy New Year!

I Don’t Act My Age

I’m a mature woman, although I know I don’t look my 50 years. I’ve earned the wisdom that comes with living half a century, which means I know enough to seek help, ask questions, and give whenever I can. Some say I am sophisticated and elegant, and even with my diminutive size, I can walk into a room, turn heads, and draw attention. I know how to dress, walk, and talk and feel no intimidation being around those far more achieved and advanced than I. I can hold my own. I can be calm, cool, and collected.

We watched The Age of Adaline a couple of weeks ago and Coach made many comparisons – deep, yet feminine voices, witty and flirtatious remarks that roll off the tongue. I am highly flattered that I’m seen that way. The sophistication is a mask, a shield. There is another side to me.

I am a kid. I’m awkward and weird. I snort when I laugh and I laugh much too loudly. I do voices and quote movie lines constantly. I make faces. If I have a good audience I can put on quite a show. I’m constantly singing. Get me around people that do the same and I become much too boisterous and can get way too silly. I’m also raunchy with the right people, always being careful enough to not step over the line (afterall, I am a lady…a-hem).

I have a hard time getting along with many people my own age and those a little older. However, I have a hoot with the elderly because they don’t care what anyone thinks of them. So many become old farts and are stuffy and boring. They don’t know how to let loose anymore. They act like their Iives are so much more important than everyone else’s.

I used to think this other side of me was immature, but I know better now. I think people spend their time trying to look and sound mature that they forget what maturity is actually all about. A mature person is responsible and dependable. A mature person does what’s needed and doesn’t try to slide by in life. They can work hard, but know when to let go. I learned that I can be mature and not lose my sense of humor and sense of wonder and enjoyment with the world.

People get weary and worn. People get defeated and deflated. Having to bear heavy burdens and weights can break the best them. But where there is a spark, a glimmer of hope you can break through the hardship and allow yourself to fully live. Age and life’s bitch-slaps can’t take my joy. I will always be the silly girl who laughs too loud.

If you need to find me I’ll be the one in killer heels singing karaoke and telling dirty jokes.

A Busy Sub’s Guide To Thanksgiving and Other Holidays

This is the first Thanksgiving in a long, long time that I’m a full time working girl and also preparing for a major holiday. I didn’t even have kids the last time I had to put in this kind of effort so I’m in brand new territory. Fortunately, I used to be a professional event planner so I know some short cuts and I’m happy to share them here. Sharing them here also serves as a reminder and a to-do list for me.

Here are some rules and tips the help you get ready this week and have a fairly effortless holiday. Rules are good and help us subbies set it right in our minds and hearts. Make sure you go over this with your Dom and make adjustments to suite your household’s needs and wants.

  1. DO NOT GO MARTHA STEWART! If you’re working full time and have kids then pulling a Martha Stewart may leave you exhausted and defeated. Martha Stewart has help! Martha Stewart doesn’t clean her own house or have to shovel her driveway. Martha has accountants, and assistants, and teams working behind the scenes to make it all look pretty and effortless. LET’S GET REAL!
  2. Go for the tried and true. I have recipes that I can prepare in my sleep and I’m sure you must as well. This is not the time to finally fry a turkey. Please, please, please only fry a turkey after you’ve been properly taught by someone who’s done it a million times, otherwise you’ll be the person who ends up on YouTube with the side of their house on fire. Same goes for brining your bird. If you haven’t done it then don’t start now. Figure out right now what you’re making, do a check of your kitchen for items on hand, make a list of what you don’t have and get your ass to the grocery store NOW!
  3. Make sure your refrigerator and freezer are ready to receive. Clean them out properly!  I never skimp here because this is the food you eat and your frig and freezer need to be super clean and everything that has expired needs to hit the garbage can.
  4. Clean those bathrooms. Don’t skimp here either. I stay on top of the bathrooms because I can’t stand anything gross. Buy extra toilet paper, tissues, and paper towels while you’re out shopping, and pick up a container of Clorox wipes for each bathroom, too. Electronic wipes (the kind for computer screens) are the BEST bathroom mirror and window cleaners EVER! Not one streak left behind. Easy peesy lemon squeezy. I get mine from Big Lots for $4.00 (?) a container. Soft Scrub works great for tubs and don’t forget Magic Erasers.
  5. Clean your stove top oven, too! Your turkey and side dishes won’t cook properly in a dirty oven. Many people forget this step, but it’s essential Hopefully you have self-cleaning oven.
  6. Do only what you have to and enlist help with the rest. Make chore lists for your kiddos (bride ’em if you have to) and let your Auntie bring the pies (even if they suck). Better yet, pick up your pies from Ye Old Pie Shop. You probably don’t have the time or energy to do it all without a lot of preparation ahead of time so don’t sweat it. Have a friend that makes incredible pies? Lucky you – do a trade! Have him or her make the pies in exchange for you picking up a few things at the grocery store or something else you can get done.
  7. Semi-homemade goes a long way. See pie comment above. If you’re going to buy your pies then make some homemade whipped cream to serve with it and call it a day. Whipped cream covers a multitude of sins and your Dom may get some ideas, too! You can whip up whipped cream 15 min before serving those pies and you will be loved for it. It’s so freaking easy. I have always baked my own bread for the stuffing. I would then cut the bread up into cubes, toast it, and put it in a paper bag to get nice and hard. I would do this 2 weeks out! Not this year, subster. I’m buying plain bread cubes from the grocery store and no will be the wiser.
  8. Spot clean and hide the rest of the mess. I admit it, my house is a pigsty right now. I’ve gotten behind, but I know how to get ahead. Clean the obvious first. Have an obnoxious mocking stain on the wall, couch, carpet, or all three? Clean those places first because it will motivate you for everything else. Nothing beats the feeling of accomplishment. Unless you know you can steam clean your own carpets or can hire it out, don’t go down that rabbit hole…just get a good foam cleaner, and vacuum thorougly (throw a carpert runner over really bad areas if you can). As for hiding your mess…DO NOT HIDE IT IN THE MASTER BEDROOM. You will not be happy when the day is over and you know darn well much of that mess will remain in your room. Use the laundry room, a closet, the basement, and/or the garage. Get a few cardboard boxes and write in marker what you’re putting in those boxes so you can put it all back later. A whole house sweep of decluttering into organized boxes will do wonders and you may find how much you don’t actually want. Use one box for important papers that you need to get through and put that box in a very safe place. Use another box for homeless items…you know, the crap that takes up counter space and you don’t know where to put it so it just keeps accumulating in random piles. Do not put that ‘ish in a junk drawer. As a matter of fact, pull out those junk drawers and dump them into your random junk box. You can then do some end of year sorting the following weekend for donation, recycling, keepers, and garbage. Kid crap goes into another box, etc, etc, etc. Clean surfaces are a joy to behold and make the rest of the cleaning so much easier.
  9. Get your tupperware in order. I have a kitchen cabinet devoted to plastic containers, but over the course of a year we accumulate orphans. I have the kids go through everything and match up container to lid then everything that doesn’t match gets recycled. I then buy what I don’t have so that prep and left over containers are available and at the ready.
  10. Prep, prep, and more prep. I have already chopped all the celery, onions, carrots, and garlic I will use and they’re in neat containers and ziplock bags in the freezer. I already mixed up my pie crusts and they’re in balls wrapped in cling Wrap waiting to be defrosted and rolled out. Anything that can be done BEFORE is gold. Stuffing can be made in a crock pot the day before and then cooled and put in the frig. Take it out the day of, add a little bit of turkey or chicken broth, set it on low and it will be warm and ready for dinner.
  11. Have you started defrosting your turkey? I wonder how many Thanksgivings have been twarted because of missing this essential step? I pulled out my 20 pounder from the deep freeze on Saturday morning and it’s in its original wrapping on the bottom shelf of my frig sitting in a roasting pan to catch any juices. Thawing guide ~ 10- to 12-pound bird: 2 days; 12- to 14-pound bird: 3 days; 14- to 18-pound bird: 4 days; 18-pound-plus bird: 5 days. Do not count the day of roasting. http://www.butterball.com/how-tos/thaw-a-turkey. If you haven’t purchased your turkey and wanted to get a huge bird, you may be too late for defrosting in time. You can begin your defrosting immediately and then on Wednesday start a cold water thawing (see link) or you can buy 2-10 lb birds. Roast one for Thanksgiving and then roast the other for the extra turkey you want for your family. Roasting a 10 lb bird will also cut down on your cooking time and that’s a plus for a us busy submissives.
  12. Set the table and get out all your serveware the night before. Make the day easy on yourself. Have all pot holders, kitchen towels, cooking utensils, et al, at the ready. Make sure you have enough dishwasher powder/liquid and clean as you go.
  13. Don’t forget about YOU! Lay out what you’re wearing the night before and make sure you leave room in the schedule on Thanksgiving day so you can shower, do your hair and makeup, and get dressed properly. I have been known to forget this part and I would avoid the camera at all costs. Not this year. I will be elegantly comfy so I can enjoy myself with those I love, just as it should be.
  14. Remember to donate a little of your time and resources to those in need. Make this a part of your preparation right along with your cranberry sauce. Most grocery stores have a box in front for donations and you can even donate online to the cause of your choice. Bring some cheer to an elderly neighbor by inviting he/she over to share in your abundance. There are so many ways to give.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone. Abundant Blessings To You All!

Helpful Resources:

http://www.bhg.com/thanksgiving/planning/thanksgiving-kitchen-tip-sheet/

http://www.houselogic.com/home-advice/maintenance-repair/easy-thanksgiving/

http://www.foodnetwork.com/chefs/articles/chefs–50-best-thanksgiving-tips.html

http://queenbeeing.com/lazy-girls-guide-clean-house-never-marathon-clean/

https://www.cleanipedia.com/

 

The Importance of D/s For An Empath

I’m an empath. I don’t mean that in a Star Trek TNG Deanna Troi kind of way, but more of a tuned into the vibes of others kind of way….whether I want to be or not. I hesitate to share this because I don’t want the scrutiny. You will either believe it or you won’t. Nonetheless, I’ve spent years coming to terms with it and I know it’s as much a part of my makeup as being a submissive.

I can take on another’s feelings and get sucked into their intensity or anxiety, or worse, their anger. It’s like a mind and heart vacation when I come across people with innate kindness. You would think that being around kids or funny people would be ideal, but humans are humans and children and funny people can be extremely needy. It’s understandable with kids, but funny people can hold a lot of pain.

At times it’s as if I can read someone’s mind and it makes me run and want to hide because I don’t want all of that confusion in my mind. Some people are loud on the inside and exude feelings that are a sonic wave blast in my face. I have a hard enough time figuring out what I’m feeling let alone dealing with signals and messages of others that overwhelm me.

I never understood who or what I was and neither did my family. I came from a very angry family and I got out as early as I could. Their anger haunts me to this day. I love being around people and then I just don’t. I need time to process and sort my feelings. I can come away from an encounter feeling like I’m on top of the world and then the next day I want to pull the blanket over my head. I need the downtime, the alone time. Growing up I didn’t have privacy and it hurt me to not know how or why I needed to decompress.

So many years have been spent in confusion. I have a husband who isn’t phased by my ups and downs, which aren’t mood swings per se, but more like getting people out of my head. He knows I’m extremely intuitive, but I try so hard to avoid that side that I lean hard toward the logical and rational. I make mistakes when I try to be Mr. Spock because I fumble with people and situations like Sheldon and I end up getting hurt.

I have such a need to submit to my Dominant because it’s how I can truly focus. Hearing his voice so that all others get blocked out is amazing and puts everything in perspective. It’s not that I get swayed by others, but I get exhausted trying to avoid the bombardment of strong feelings getting thrown my way. On top of that, the 3x Libra in me (sun, moon, and ascending) doesn’t want anyone to feel bad and wants everything to be in balance so I scramble to line it all up. I need his strong and direct way to balance it all out.

Now that I’m working again I know I need so much more. I have to deal with so many personalities every day that strong, firm, consistent dominance is what pulls me back to my calm center. I’m yearning for it more than ever and our schedules make it so hard. We are figuring out a new way because it is a necessity to keep me going.

Our whole dynamic is changing and it will make us grow, I’m sure, but the day to day is frigging hard. I work four 10 hour days and have Mondays off through November. I spent the better part of last Monday crying and I did the same today. Crying because my kids are growing up too fast. Crying because I’m nervous about doing a good (no great) job at work. Crying because I’m so tired when I get home that I crash hard. Crying just because. Just because.

Beautiful People

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You read these things posted on Facebook and Pinterest and they sound so right. We claim them as our own personal mantras, but how many of us can really follow this advice?

I’ll be honest, I don’t always see the beauty in others. I all too easily see the ugly in others, and more easily, I see the ugly in myself. We are messy, selfish creatures. Now that I’m back at work in a large office of a couple hundred people I have seen some real nastiness. I forgot about this aspect of life having taken a 14 year sabbatical from the daily grind. Working from home does have its benefits and I didn’t have to deal with coworkers. I am again up close and personal and gossip is everywhere. Judgements, too, are rampant and so many bring all their problems with them wherever they go. I’ve figured out my personal strategy for staying out of the drama and I have to or else I’ll get stuck in the muck and mire.

I don’t believe that a beautiful person only sees the beauty in others. A beautiful person sees the truth of a person and acts accordingly. A beautiful person doesn’t allow another’s ugliness to influence decisions. A beautiful person has empathy, but will give the gift of accountability. A beautiful person sets an example by remaining true to honed character.

I’m around some who are challenges and getting drawn in would be all too easy. I’ve chosen to gracefully stay out of unnecessary controversies, as per my usual way, by not bringing my personal life to work. People tell me less of their garbage because they know I can’t get drawn in. The advantage for me is not only staying out of other’s dramas, but people are more apt to present a better version of themselves because they know the other junk doesn’t fly with me.

In order to see someone’s beauty you need to set the stage so that their beauty reveals itself.