Personality Traits of a Profound Submissive

I am so happy to say that I found the original author on FetLife. His name is MasterDane and he has since renamed this work Traits of an Extreme Submissive Personality. I am delighted to repost this (with his permission, of course…thank you, Sir). You can see his original work here https://fetlife.com/users/424067/posts/320358

The Submission of Elle

I found this a while back on another blog that I have since lost so sorry that I cannot give credit. Tell me what you think. Any to add? Remove? Which ones do you relate to?

Personality Traits of a profound submissive

The ways in which I spot a profound submissive who is not aware of what she is yet:

  • She is very sensitive to my moods, body language, and tone of voice. She is very sensitive to criticism.
  • She has a child-like presence.
  • She is eager to please me and eager to follow my suggestions.
  • She is sexually aroused/fascinated by my dominant presence.
  • She turns to me as an authority/advisor when she has personal questions.
  • She says something’s been missing in all her previous relationships.
  • She finds herself becoming anxious coping with everyday life on her own.
  • She says she feels as if she’s putting on a mask or…

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Sometimes

Sometimes I don’t breathe until he comes home
I’m not holding my breath nor am I hyperventilating
I’m in a state of suspended animation
I go through the motions of breathing
The air goes into my lungs
My chest rises and falls
I exhale
Then he walks in the door
And I draw in life

Soaked Panties

You had me spend the last three days waiting and wanting.

I was so wet and eager, but you kept me that way day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.

I squirmed as I drove and especially as I worked out. I felt myself moisten with each kiss, each touch, each phone call, each text.

Last night you let me cum, but not before teasing me relentlessly. You know all too well what that does to me.

You kept bringing me to the edge.

You finally let me writhe and groan and gyrate and explode over and over.

And then you had your way with me until you released all of your pent up need.

We drifted off to sleep sated and when I woke up this morning it started all over again.

My panties are soaked. Again.

 

Going Above and Beyond

We’ve all seen it. Whether it’s at work, school, a store, the DMV, or in your very own lazy family, there are people who do only the bare minimum. They don’t want to work too hard so they do just enough to get by. It reminds me of that movie Office Space when Peter was telling the two Bobs about his work day.

I’ve had jobs that bored the crap out of me and yet I still tried to do the best job I could. I can understand Peter because I also need a certain amount of motivation and a level of incentive. I’ve never been a bare minimum kind of gal because I suffer from the terrible affliction of trying to do too much in a short amount of time and I have to do it perfectly. I pushed myself way too hard during the holidays and got sick (Passover and Easter around here). I was doing OK that Monday, but I had a bunch of things to get done and by Tuesday I was down for the count. Not good and I was lovingly scolded by my caring friends and had to be lovingly healed up by my caring Dom. By the way, it wasn’t Coach who pushed me and he’s always getting me slow down and rest or do just one thing at a time.

I’ve gotten better over the last three years and I have to say that D/s has helped me tremendously. I am so much better at prioritizing and saying a big fat no to the outside world. My yeses are for my Dom. Before this lifestyle I so wanted to please and make everyone happy and comfortable that I volunteered like a woman possessed. The problem was that I didn’t have time to commit to my own husband. You have to know first that Coach isn’t a demanding man. There are certain things that have always been his absolutes and for all the rest he’s pretty easy going. I can look back and see that I took advantage of his relaxed personality, but it was all done without premeditation. I had a driving need to serve. As I got more involved in saying yes at work, at church, with friends and family, even Coach’s absolutes started getting dropped and over time it caused many, many problems. I didn’t have an off button. I would always say yes. Make lasagnas for 100? No problem. Help set up chairs for 500? I can handle that. Host a luncheon, dinner, brunch, pancake breakfast, picnic in the park??????? Yes! Sure! OK! Uh huh! Absolutely! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Every now and then I push too hard and do too much. I usually get into trouble when I don’t allow my Dom to guide, approve, and allow activities. He gives me a huge amount of room because he trusts my judgement and I am getting better and better at going to him much quicker, especially when I feel like I can’t do it all. Coach, while not a micro manager, does see the value in checking in with me more often and noticing those early subtle clues when I’m trying to make it all work and am having a hard time.

I’m still of the firm belief that a job worth doing is worth doing well. My main job is to serve my Dom and do the best job I can. Unlike Peter Gibbons, when I go above and beyond it’s noticed and I’m richly rewarded.

Moral Compass

Failure

I read some posts last night, saw some crap on Facebook, and had a really bad dream. It’s all still there underneath the surface and it’s obvious that I still have triggers. I haven’t had this dream in a long time, but at least I didn’t wake up screaming like the nightmares I used to have. I woke up in anguish and with tears rolling off my cheeks. Coach held me close and soothed me. He knows the depths of my pain. He knows.

When you are betrayed, lied to, deceived, cheated on, and abandoned by someone you love, the pain never really goes away. Much like the death of a loved one, you learn to cope with it, but it lives under the surface. A loved one that goes away because they die is profoundly different. We know death is inevitable for us all, and as horrible and soul-wrenching as a death is, we have an understanding of it. Betrayal is a different story. Deceit is a white hot knife that plunges into you and brands your heart against your consent. Lies and cheating leave their marks on you. Your soul knows its been abandoned. It knows.

I found out about the affair accidently. She was his friend, invited to the wedding (she declined) and after we married I was introduced. We would all meet up from time to time at a pub for Happy Hour. We laughed and shared. I got along well with her and thought of her as a friend. Just 16 months into the marriage he left and claimed he didn’t want to be married anymore, to me or anyone else. He fucked me all night long and in the morning told me to leave. Devasted is an understatement. For months I begged and pleaded with him and would even talk to her on the phone for comfort. She never let on. She bold-faced lied. One night I called her and he answered. I knew. She knew. He knew.

They wouldn’t admit the truth. I went into a rage that should never, ever be duplicated. I can understand the point one needs to get to in order to snap, but I didn’t, although I balanced on the precipice for a few days. Coach was there and kept me from jumping off a cliff. Coach has been there since. He knows. He knows.

The ex was cheating on me while we were together and for all I do know it could have very well been from the beginning. I look back now and can see all the signs. The spouses that are left in the wake can always see the signs. Whether or not we want to admit it is a different story. We know. We always know.

Last year I had a friend who revealed she’s married. The guy she’s dating is also married. I didn’t know they were married and was always under the belief that they were single and dating. Our friendship had become well established before these facts were ever told to me. I wanted to be fair-minded and not judge. I was asked to understand. It was a very difficult position to put someone in. They lamented about how they weren’t understood by their spouses and that they wanted to remain married. Of course they did because they have too much to lose in a divorce, especially if their affair became known to their spouses. They honestly believe they are better at being a husband and a wife. They should know better. They should know.

I was in territory I did not belong and I was sacrificing my beliefs for friendship. One day she informed me that she may be found out and would need to lay low for a while, but would seek me out when everything settled. I was part of her “other life” so I, too, must remain hidden. She had something that belonged to me and I had been asking for it back for a few weeks. I made some lightning fast decisions in a matter of seconds and my text back to her was not about asking her if she was OK or expressing any kind of concern for what she was going through. No, I wanted back what belonged to me because if that piece of property got into her husband’s hands I would be the one to get hurt. I was sure she was going to disappear and I would never speak to her again, let alone get back my precious property. My first text asked if I was still going to get it back and then a moment later I sent another text asking if she was OK. My gut instincts were to cut and run. A week later I received back my property and a nastygram. I was hurt because she insinuated that I wasn’t genuine and not who I said I was or what she had always believed. I know who I am. I know.

When you bring someone into your lie you cause them to lie. You should never, ever put anyone in that position. I know what it’s like to have this kind of lie going on behind my back and I know the devastation it leaves behind. I live it. I’ve had nightmares about it. I grieve for their spouses, who are supposedly good people, by the way, so why then hurt them like this? Why deceive them? You know they’ll be devastated if and when they find out. TELL THEM THE TRUTH GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE! There are very few circumstances when lying is justified. If you hid Jews from the Nazis I thank you for your lies and you are a hero. Hiding your affair from your husband is something entirely different. Do you see the distinction? You know and I know you know.

My moral compass has been taken to the shop for repair because I dropped it and cracked my glass, just like I did recently with my new phone.  So very different than my phone, when I crack the glass on my compass God doesn’t void my warranty. I’m allowed to repair my moral compass as many times as it needs repair and each and every time I get to start over as good as new. I am known to Him. I am known.

MoralCompass

“The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22 & 23 (NASB)

I am not suggesting that anyone stay in a marriage that isn’t working, but you MUST end the marriage first before becoming involved with anyone else as it’s just simply the right thing to do. Don’t bring people unwittingly into this secret life of yours and expect them to always say and do the right thing by you. When a conscience speaks it comes out in ways you will not like. You don’t have the right to be annoyed, mad, incensed, outraged, indignant, or offended by how anyone reacts at any given time to your situation. You seek loyalty from friends whom you’ve entrusted with so great a secret, but you put a heavy burden upon their shoulders that they shouldn’t have to bear. Bear your own burdens. When she told me her husband may be onto her something in me clicked. I was aiding her deception and betrayal and I felt sick to my stomach at the thought. I allowed myself to be put into this position and I was wrong for allowing it. I take full responsibility for my actions. No longer will the truth of who I am and what I believe be silenced for anyone’s benefit and I will not be made to feel guilty for telling you that you’re wrong. The truth knows. The truth always knows.

“Oh what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive.”
 Sir Walter Scott (Marmion, 1808)

Pursue Me

As a submissive I never refuse any sexual contact. I’m available to my Dom whenever, wherever, and however he chooses. This is the agreement because he is in charge of my body. Granted, when I’m sick or dog-tired he’s a loving and understanding Dom and he takes care of me and makes sure I get my rest. My well being is priority.

All that being said, I still want to be pursued. Just because he can always have me doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel the excitement of the seduction. I love the pursuit. I want to feel wanted and desired. That feeling of the chase is so thrilling. There’s the lead up, the flirting, the subtle, but definitive touches. There’s the look in his eyes and the mischievous smile. Nothing specifically said yet volumes are spoken. It’s teasing at its finest and it makes me feel so sexy and special. It’s the feeling of being desired and singled out. It’s the little things and the big things and everything else in between. It’s the connective heat and the thrill of the unexpected.

Oh, yes, Sir, pursue me.

He Wants Me To Want It

To say that Coach loves my submission is an understatement. I’ve had a very busy 10 days and was given numerous tasks to complete. They were either business or research related, but I jumped in happily knowing how much taking on these responsibilities pleases him. I had a wonderful momentum going and he is very proud of me. A couple of nights ago he showed me just how proud he is of me with a very hard and fiery fuck that left me speechless and sated.

Our greatest strength as a couple is that when we are faced with major life choices we always make the same choice. There has never been a time in our 28 years together when we had to choose a major path and were at major odds with each other. Whether it’s religion, politics, children, education, housing, or health, we always turn up on the same page, but our methods are so different in how we get there. These big ticket items are usually make or break for most couples. Anytime a new concept or idea is presented we each go out of our way to share with the other everything we know and believe.

One of the things I love most about Coach is that he prefers to not be the type of Dom that makes a decision and demands that I follow it no matter what I believe. He wants me to want it as much as he does because when we’re both sold out to the same cause magic happens. He wants me in agreement with him and that’s where I want to be as well. He doesn’t believe in forced submission and although he knows that I’ll follow and obey (maybe with a little hemming and hawing at first), he swells with pride and joy when I willing and lovingly obey.

Part of the beauty of a D/s relationship is in it’s uniqueness. How we do what we do may be so very different than how you do it, but that’s what makes it all so special. We’ve learned (and initially we sucked at it) how to communicate so that we understand each other. We both go to great lengths to make that happen because it is mandatory in our relationship that we have that deep connection. We thrive on it and are at our best when we both want the very same things.

I know I will be heard and I know he will seek to understand me and not just dismiss my thoughts and feelings. I will always do the same for him. Yes, there are times when some kind of stupid fear gets in the way and I take too long to go to him, but in my heart of hearts I know he will listen no matter when I come to him to share what I’m thinking and feeling. I messed up pretty big last month and missed a very important deadline. Life was kicking my ass and it got away from me. I had to go to Coach with a heavy heart and confess my blunder. I was trying to fix it on my own and couldn’t. He took my burden and made it right, just like I knew he would, but I had to sweat out a weekend because nothing could be done until that Monday morning. He never got mad, but instead we examined what went on in our lives that caused the mistake to happen. As much as this was my fault he said it was his responsibility as well and he took an equal share in the blame. He let things get away from him too and we had to deal with it. He is not a Dom that looks for opportunities to punish me, but takes every opportunity to help me improve and grow. This was the perfect opportunity for both of us to improve and grow.

He wants me to want it and I do. I really do.

Dear Newly Submissive Married Woman,

We need to talk; girl to girl, wife to wife, sub to sub. I have so much I need to tell you and you’ve been on my mind for a while. You deserve to hear the unadulterated truth about this new world you’ve chosen to pursue. It’s not as easy as being handed a key by your husband and unlocking a jewelry box filled with priceless gems. The overwhelming majority of you will have to carefully and strategically ease open this particular oyster that both you and your husband dug for together in order to acquire the precious pearl and you’ll have to use specific tools and techniques. Some of you may even open your own personal Pandora’s Box. Epimetheus insisted that his wife, Pandora, obey the letter of the label. Epimetheus left for a few hours, but Pandora’s gift of curiosity took over. The box was entrusted to them by Zeus, but she felt Zeus was wrong to tell them not to open it. As the story goes, Pandora disobeyed and opened the box unleashing all the evils of the world, but the very last thing to come out of the box was hope. I need you to remember that because hope is a powerful force and it will help guide you home should you lose your way.

Why am I the one writing you this letter? Well, why the hell not? I see a need and I wish a letter like this was available for me when I first started exploring because it would have saved me a lot of frustration, heartache, and tears. I hope you find the information I share with you here to be valuable and that you seriously take into consideration the knowledge and wisdom I gained through the trial and error lessons I learned painstakingly over the last three years. If I could have avoided that kind of schooling I would have jumped at the chance because I would have had more peace on this journey.

I know that you’re crazy excited right now and it feels like a whole new world of possibilities are before you. You want to grab it all and have it all right this very minute. You have a feeling of freedom because you’ve finally owned up to who you are, but it’s mixed with trepidation due to so much mind boggling information out there and you just can’t afford to mess this up with your husband. Whether you’ve always known you’re submissive and hid it, or your submission was dormant and has just been awakened, you want to be your 100% sexy-ass-sultry-submissive-self gracefully kneeling like in a tumblr photo and for your husband to be his 100% manly-man-Dominant-self expertly leading you in all his powerful “Dom-ness” RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, DAMN IT! Whoa, slow down there tumblr addict, I totally get it…

BUT…

I just lost some of you because you don’t want to hear a BUT about anything. You want to hear YES! YES! YES! That’s called submissive frenzy. For unattached submissives that are just coming into the lifestyle, submissive frenzy is more of the quest to find a Dominant. In your case it is the quest to force change transform your husband into becoming your Dominant. This is a very slippery slope, subbie, and the advice out there on how to successfully do this is practically nil (look below for some of the few helpful links I could find). So what does newly submissive married woman frenzy look like? You want to be dominated now and you’re going to make sure he knows it. You tell him you read some things and you see yourself in it. You tell him you’ve always felt this way and this is what you want. You maybe even beg and plead for him to try this with you. You text and email him endlessly every article you can find so he knows exactly how a Dom is supposed to act. You buy books and load them on his tablet and you read blog post after blog post and feel like you’ve found your tribe (more on that later on). You cajole, cry, beg, manipulate, entice, seduce, remind, and maybe even threaten divorce. For some of you this is a race against time because you feel like your marriage is over and you think a D/s dynamic can save it. Some of you think your husband displays enough dominant traits that he must be a Dom and he’ll soon see himself in something you show him and jump on board. Some of you want to feel wanted and needed and loved because he just doesn’t pay attention anymore. Others of you are so starved for sex that you’re trying desperately to spice things up and bring back the kink. I know that many, many, many of you are genuine and are being extremely sincere in your efforts.

Let’s take a look at a few things you need to know about what really goes into a D/s relationship so you can better understand your own feelings, needs, and motives. These are the bare bones basics and is not a comprehensive list:

1) There is absolutely no guarantee that a D/s relationship will help an already ailing marriage. All D/s relationships, whether or not you’re married, are about honesty, trust, humility, patience, sensitivity, communication, negotiation, and genuineness – all the attributes of a good marriage or any kind of healthy relationship. Before you include a specific type of power exchange into your marriage you need to work on these qualities and take ownership of them simply because it behooves your relationship to do so. They don’t magically appear when a collar goes around a sub’s neck because they already need to be intrinsic to the relationship. Once you have that foundation you can start implementing a power exchange. You see, the D/s dynamic takes these elements much deeper and puts them on steroids. Your true selves will be revealed in every way and if the marriage needs work D/s won’t be a panacea.

2) You can still keep the vanilla! Vanilla isn’t a bad thing, but many will tell you it kills D/s. Liars! Vanilla only means life outside the D/s dynamic and BDSM activities. All sex is good sex if you’re doing it right. We enjoy vanilla sex, we enjoy kinky sex, we enjoy primal sex, we enjoy sex that includes bondage, discipline and sadomasochistic activities. I crave slow, passionate making love sex and completely enjoy hard, rough, peel me off the ceiling sex and I will bet your husband does, too. If you start insisting certain aspects of sexual activity that he enjoys cease in your sex life because it’s considered vanilla, you’re asking for him to shut you down. You are, in essence, telling him he’s a terrible lover and who wants that kind of rejection? Not a good way to start. How about this – what if he only wants vanilla sex, but wants the D/s dynamic? Did you just gasp? Read number 3.

3) D/s doesn’t mean sexual activity. Nope, it doesn’t. D/s is who you are and how you communicate and interact with one another. It is one person giving power over to other in a consensual exchange. It is an exchange of minds and hearts in a very special dance that draws out the fullness of your being. It is a way of life. BDSM activities are what you do that doesn’t necessarily include sex the way porn would have you believe. Can you be a submissive without being Dominated sexually? It’s a hard question that must be asked. See if you can live as a submissive on your own for a while. I bet there are things he’s wanted you to do and you’ve never done them. Don’t wait for some kind of formal rule list to be written up and elaborate protocols to be put into place before you start submitting. If he’s always wanted you to stop biting your nails or wants you to make the bed on a regular basis or workout everyday JUST DO IT! Obey what you already know to obey.

4) He may want to be a submissive or a switch. Don’t assume your husband is a Dom, even if he exhibits dominate traits. You may exhibit dominant traits, but you’ll swear on a stack of bibles that you’re a tried and true submissive. This can be a tricky one because it may be extremely hard for him to let you know, especially if you’re insisting on being the only submissive in the relationship. He may want to be a switch and Top for some things and bottom for others. You must be willing to take this seriously and consider all possibilities.

5) He may want to confine all D/s activities to the bedroom only and outside life to continue as normal. There are many couples who do that and are very fulfilled. Many couples start that way and gradually start incorporating D/s into more aspects of their lives. You do what works for the both of you and don’t feel some kind of pressure to be a 24/7 submissive.

6) Physical punishment isn’t a requirement and neither is pain of any kind. Just because you’re a submissive it doesn’t automatically make you a masochist and he doesn’t have to be a sadist if he’s a Dom. Many couples enjoy more of a sensual style that incorporates various forms of bondage, like Shibari, and sensory exploration such as wax play and feather tickling. Your husband may not want to spank you or you may not want to be spanked. It’s OK, really.

Are you still with me?

Look, there’s no such thing as a 50 Shades of Grey lifestyle and anyone who’s using that rhetoric to draw you in is playing you. It was a piece of fiction and real life D/s is so very different. What you liked was the kinky sex and that he paid attention to her all the time. That’s what you really want. You want your husband to notice you and tell you he craves you. You want to feel his love to your core. You want the fire and passion you had when you were younger. You want to feel connected to him in every way and feel taken care of and cherished. Don’t buy into someone trying to capitalize off of your good intentions and dare I say, desperation. The advice they give you can cause irreparable harm. I was once given some really horrible “advice” by a so-called submissive when I was at an all-time low point and had I followed it Coach and I would be divorced right now. Know what I did? I told her to fuck off. Use your head and keep your bullshit meter going all the time.

An overly romanticized picture has been painted that no human can possibly live up to (psst…these people don’t live up to it either). Don’t get me wrong, there’s room for lots of romance and thrill. Just know that there are many novices out there posing as experts and mentors. Most of them have never stepped inside a real event or even met anyone in their local community. They’ve also never written any kind of fact-based cited article (let alone a book), but they’ve read all the D/s and BDSM books out there and memorized the terminology of the lifestyle so they can recite it like a parrot. They speak of protocol and mindfulness and wear their submission like some sort of garter belt clad super-sub, cape and all. They want you to know that they’re there for you and looking out for you. How selfless are they! Their own opinions mean the world to them and they want you to know every single one of them. They’ve devised their own methods and ways of doing things and have even cultivated “cute” terminology of their own. They work very hard at keeping you attached so you don’t wander away and seek out others who can help you because only they know who you truly are and what you need. You’ll be told time and time again that you have so much in common and are just like them. They collect submissive friends like your grandmother collected Beanie Babies in the 90s, but in the end you’re just one of many and if you don’t have any more value (meaning you’re not so helpless anymore and can no longer inflate their already over-inflated ego) your friendship is no longer required and you are dismissed.

Did that sound harsh? You bet it did. Doesn’t it all sound so very middle/high school? It’s out there, ladies, so use your common sense and don’t get lulled into false comradery. Your tribe can and should be made up of a variety of people from many walks of life because strength is always found in diversity. Choose your sources wisely because this is YOUR life and no one can tell you how to live it. Learn from those trusted and vetted in the community because their many years of experience will give you sound advice.

Still want in? Good, I’m glad.

I’m glad we had this chat. We’ll talk again real soon, I’m sure.Take good care of yourself and I wish you all the best.
Love,
~Elle
XOXO
Further Reading:

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner (3 part series)

Submission in Marriage – Shifting from Husband and Wife to Dominant and Submissive

BDSM and How To Bring it to Life in your Vanilla Marriage

 

BDSM Scene Preparation

We don’t do big scenes weekly or even bi-monthly. I just heard your collective sighs, but really, it’s OK. We have lots of sex and intimacy, a good smattering of amuse-bouche, and at least one good “scenette” monthly, as conditions allow (a little afternoon delight while the kids are at school or at some sort of daytime function for a couple of hours). The epic type of scenes – the kind that last a few hours and wring every last little bit of pain and pleasure out of you – the kind that turn you into a sated, sweaty, quivering mass of sub-spaced giggling slap-me-happy – those delicious coveted times usually only happen every 4-6 weeks because the kids MUST be at a sleepover and there cannot be a hundred projects going on. We have to plan it and work towards it by clearing the path for it to happen. There are times life interferes and all our plans go up in smoke because someone gets sick or an unexpected event comes up that we must attend. C’est la vie. The demands of our life just don’t afford us the luxury of carving out that amount of time as frequently as we desire. The good news in all of this is that a lot of sexy scene anticipation occurs leading up to it, and that is all part of the fun, because so much of D/s is in the mind.

First things first – about four days or so before I clean our Master bedroom and bath top to bottom and inside-out. I want our haven to be clean and serene. No clutter, dust, laundry, or papers! The last thing I want is to see junk sitting in a pile because that kind of distraction messes with my state of mind and I start worrying about the never ending to-do list. I want to free-fall into submissive head space without the demands of life impeding on our precious time together. Make sure your play space is as sexy and as appealing as you can make it. It’s a fact that the nicer something is the better it’s taken care of. I hate cleaning (because I can be a perfectionist in this area and drive myself crazy) and I could just as soon avoid cleaning altogether. My main motivation to clean anything is 1) the possibility of people coming over and 2) Our playtime. Whatever works, right? Question: Why does the Master bedroom turn into the place where things get hidden from company? Probably because NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THERE!

Helpful Hint: As much as we love our kids, we do not have photos of them in our Master bedroom. WTF, you say? No, really. There are tons of photos of them all over the house, as well as pics of grandmas, grandpas and the rest of the extended family, but not in our bedroom. They are distraction in a room made for love, sex, and play. Come on, do you really want to be tied to the bed post while being flogged and look over to see your sweet little cherub-cheeked angel looking back at you? Not me, thank you very much! That’s a cock blocker and and orgasm deflater. Instead, make sure you have photos of the two of you together (and not the ones with your ugly 80s perm). Photos of the two of you having fun and enjoying each other are good. Make this room your special place. Capice?

About two days out I check on everything we need. This is fairly easy because we always clean up and put things away as soon as possible after we use our toys and equipment. Still, I check to see if any toys need batteries or if I need to replenish any lubes, oils, wax, candles, recovery drinks and supplements, or aftercare items such as arnica or aloe vera gel. I make sure everything is in good condition and that it’s all in its rightful place. I’ll usually rub down all our leather items with leather conditioning cream, too.

We have plenty of special sex towels and wash cloths that we use so I make sure everything has been laundered. Here’s a tip (hotels do this): all the towels and wash cloths that we use for sex are white because they need to get washed and bleached in hot water in order for them to be thoroughly sanitized and clean. You know sex is messy, right? We still have a wipes warmer from the kids’ baby days and I find it’s perfect for keeping about six wash cloths moist and warm for easy clean up after sex. I just run the wash cloths under very hot water, wring them out, roll them up, and put them in the warmer about an hour before we play. Coach lovingly cleans me as part of aftercare and there’s nothing like the feel of soothing warm wash cloths. It makes us feel like we’re flying first class.

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Prince Lionheart Warmies Wipes Warmer.

We also have a super absorbent blanket (squirters can relate to the need for this) and a couple of satin sheets that we drape over the bed so we don’t have to wash our comforter and sheets. Did I mention that sex is messy? Squirting aside, we’ve had some lube accidents a time or two.

The day before I take care of me. I always try to get my Brazilian sugaring done the day before. I don’t wax, I sugar because it is SO MUCH BETTER. I go to an amazing place that that has a lot of kinky clients (it’s where all the strippers go) and the girls there are a hoot! They know I’m a sub, too, so I have the freedom to be open and talk. They’re discreet because their clientele demands it of them. This place is gold! P.S. Coach goes there for his Brazilian sugar as well.

“Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love”

I then make my way over to a little Indian salon to get my eyebrows and upper lip threaded. Women from all walks of life come here to watch whatever Bollywood movie is playing on their big screen and to have their eyebrows expertly shaped to perfection using nothing more than cotton thread! These women get absolutely every little hair and do it so crazy fast that you don’t have time to worry about it hurting. My brows are a breeze for me, but OMG my upper lip makes my eyes well up with tears. I’ve come to find out that it’s the most sensitive part on my body. I went to Sally’s and purchased a numbing agent for my upper lip because it’s the only way I can get through it. I used to wax my upper lip myself, but no product got all of those tiny hairs. Threading is the way to go. Get this, no appointment is necessary and with tip I only pay $15! I have to time this trip carefully because if it’s afternoon on a Friday or any given Saturday they can get crowded. Even with all that demand I’ve never had to wait more than 30 min and I’m done in less than 10. It’s in the perfect location because right across the street is our favorite sex toy store. Don’t you just love convenience?

Yes, that’s me getting threaded. Don’t you dare say a word about my grey roots! Guess where I head to next? Yup, the sex toy store!

If I need to get my hair done then this is the day I do it. See why I need to plan? And you thought it was just making sure the kids got dropped off at their Aunt’s house. Don’t you know me by now?

I like to wait until the day of to get a manicure (if I need it). I cook and do a lot of crafty things at home so my hands take a beating (and you thought it was only my ass) so I try to stay on top of my hands on a daily basis, but I will most certainly get a pedicure. Do you have any idea how much I love a long, spa pedi? Well, you do now. I have a bit of an obsession with keeping my feet super soft (no yucky calluses) and pretty because I live in a very dry climate and if I didn’t take care of them my feet would look like hell, but the pedi is my extra indulgence and Coach allows me plenty of indulgences. Coach will only allow me to use reds or pinks on my nails so I usually do a nude or light pink on my fingernails, but with my toes I go into the super dark reds. Damn, it makes me feel sexy.

I try to take it easy on the day of because I want all my energy. I make sure the night before I go to bed on time so the next day I feel good. In the morning I shave my legs and underarms (I never get those parts sugared) and I make sure I exfoliate everywhere. I put on lotion at this time so my skin is soft. I will drink plenty of water throughout the day and eat really well (no gassy food, know what I mean?). If I can take a nap during the day I will. I’ll take a dip in the tub awhile before, but will not use any lotion at that time. I don’t want to be slippery and I also don’t want competing scents. I put some vanilla essential oil in the bath water because Coach loves that scent on me as it mixes well with my body chemistry. I do my hair the way he requests and he may or may not ask me to put on makeup. I will dress according to his instructions or he may not want me wearing anything at all. I love the excitement of all of this and as I receive his instructions my submission deepens. I may play some music while I’m preparing that will help me relax and focus. We almost always have candles lit for the ambiance and even for the scent. Coach will mix up an energy drink for us as well as make a special recovery drink for the both of us to have on hand. We also make sure we have snacks ready for after play (cut up pineapple and some protein, like chicken).

Apart from all of these preparations, Coach will give me assignments over the weeks and days as well as specific instructions of what he wants. So if he wants wax then I make sure we have everything for wax play. If he wants to add in ice to that play then I make some ice dildos. I bet that got your attention. Do you have any idea how amazing it feels when he goes back and forth between the hot wax and the cold of the ice? I’m squeezing my thighs together just thinking about it.

Can you tell I just ooze with joy at the thought of all of this? We had an amazing time on Valentine’s Day, which was our 26th wedding anniversary. We had a fabulous scene that had me flying all the next day. We are planning out our next scene together and I can’t wait to find out what we’ll be doing. I am already feverish with anticipation.