Personality Traits of a Profound Submissive

I am so happy to say that I found the original author on FetLife. His name is MasterDane and he has since renamed this work Traits of an Extreme Submissive Personality. I am delighted to repost this (with his permission, of course…thank you, Sir). You can see his original work here https://fetlife.com/users/424067/posts/320358

The Submission of Elle

I found this a while back on another blog that I have since lost so sorry that I cannot give credit. Tell me what you think. Any to add? Remove? Which ones do you relate to?

Personality Traits of a profound submissive

The ways in which I spot a profound submissive who is not aware of what she is yet:

  • She is very sensitive to my moods, body language, and tone of voice. She is very sensitive to criticism.
  • She has a child-like presence.
  • She is eager to please me and eager to follow my suggestions.
  • She is sexually aroused/fascinated by my dominant presence.
  • She turns to me as an authority/advisor when she has personal questions.
  • She says something’s been missing in all her previous relationships.
  • She finds herself becoming anxious coping with everyday life on her own.
  • She says she feels as if she’s putting on a mask or…

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Sometimes

Sometimes I don’t breathe until he comes home
I’m not holding my breath nor am I hyperventilating
I’m in a state of suspended animation
I go through the motions of breathing
The air goes into my lungs
My chest rises and falls
I exhale
Then he walks in the door
And I draw in life

Soaked Panties

You had me spend the last three days waiting and wanting.

I was so wet and eager, but you kept me that way day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.

I squirmed as I drove and especially as I worked out. I felt myself moisten with each kiss, each touch, each phone call, each text.

Last night you let me cum, but not before teasing me relentlessly. You know all too well what that does to me.

You kept bringing me to the edge.

You finally let me writhe and groan and gyrate and explode over and over.

And then you had your way with me until you released all of your pent up need.

We drifted off to sleep sated and when I woke up this morning it started all over again.

My panties are soaked. Again.

 

Going Above and Beyond

We’ve all seen it. Whether it’s at work, school, a store, the DMV, or in your very own lazy family, there are people who do only the bare minimum. They don’t want to work too hard so they do just enough to get by. It reminds me of that movie Office Space when Peter was telling the two Bobs about his work day.

I’ve had jobs that bored the crap out of me and yet I still tried to do the best job I could. I can understand Peter because I also need a certain amount of motivation and a level of incentive. I’ve never been a bare minimum kind of gal because I suffer from the terrible affliction of trying to do too much in a short amount of time and I have to do it perfectly. I pushed myself way too hard during the holidays and got sick (Passover and Easter around here). I was doing OK that Monday, but I had a bunch of things to get done and by Tuesday I was down for the count. Not good and I was lovingly scolded by my caring friends and had to be lovingly healed up by my caring Dom. By the way, it wasn’t Coach who pushed me and he’s always getting me slow down and rest or do just one thing at a time.

I’ve gotten better over the last three years and I have to say that D/s has helped me tremendously. I am so much better at prioritizing and saying a big fat no to the outside world. My yeses are for my Dom. Before this lifestyle I so wanted to please and make everyone happy and comfortable that I volunteered like a woman possessed. The problem was that I didn’t have time to commit to my own husband. You have to know first that Coach isn’t a demanding man. There are certain things that have always been his absolutes and for all the rest he’s pretty easy going. I can look back and see that I took advantage of his relaxed personality, but it was all done without premeditation. I had a driving need to serve. As I got more involved in saying yes at work, at church, with friends and family, even Coach’s absolutes started getting dropped and over time it caused many, many problems. I didn’t have an off button. I would always say yes. Make lasagnas for 100? No problem. Help set up chairs for 500? I can handle that. Host a luncheon, dinner, brunch, pancake breakfast, picnic in the park??????? Yes! Sure! OK! Uh huh! Absolutely! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Every now and then I push too hard and do too much. I usually get into trouble when I don’t allow my Dom to guide, approve, and allow activities. He gives me a huge amount of room because he trusts my judgement and I am getting better and better at going to him much quicker, especially when I feel like I can’t do it all. Coach, while not a micro manager, does see the value in checking in with me more often and noticing those early subtle clues when I’m trying to make it all work and am having a hard time.

I’m still of the firm belief that a job worth doing is worth doing well. My main job is to serve my Dom and do the best job I can. Unlike Peter Gibbons, when I go above and beyond it’s noticed and I’m richly rewarded.

Pursue Me

As a submissive I never refuse any sexual contact. I’m available to my Dom whenever, wherever, and however he chooses. This is the agreement because he is in charge of my body. Granted, when I’m sick or dog-tired he’s a loving and understanding Dom and he takes care of me and makes sure I get my rest. My well being is priority.

All that being said, I still want to be pursued. Just because he can always have me doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel the excitement of the seduction. I love the pursuit. I want to feel wanted and desired. That feeling of the chase is so thrilling. There’s the lead up, the flirting, the subtle, but definitive touches. There’s the look in his eyes and the mischievous smile. Nothing specifically said yet volumes are spoken. It’s teasing at its finest and it makes me feel so sexy and special. It’s the feeling of being desired and singled out. It’s the little things and the big things and everything else in between. It’s the connective heat and the thrill of the unexpected.

Oh, yes, Sir, pursue me.

He Wants Me To Want It

To say that Coach loves my submission is an understatement. I’ve had a very busy 10 days and was given numerous tasks to complete. They were either business or research related, but I jumped in happily knowing how much taking on these responsibilities pleases him. I had a wonderful momentum going and he is very proud of me. A couple of nights ago he showed me just how proud he is of me with a very hard and fiery fuck that left me speechless and sated.

Our greatest strength as a couple is that when we are faced with major life choices we always make the same choice. There has never been a time in our 28 years together when we had to choose a major path and were at major odds with each other. Whether it’s religion, politics, children, education, housing, or health, we always turn up on the same page, but our methods are so different in how we get there. These big ticket items are usually make or break for most couples. Anytime a new concept or idea is presented we each go out of our way to share with the other everything we know and believe.

One of the things I love most about Coach is that he prefers to not be the type of Dom that makes a decision and demands that I follow it no matter what I believe. He wants me to want it as much as he does because when we’re both sold out to the same cause magic happens. He wants me in agreement with him and that’s where I want to be as well. He doesn’t believe in forced submission and although he knows that I’ll follow and obey (maybe with a little hemming and hawing at first), he swells with pride and joy when I willing and lovingly obey.

Part of the beauty of a D/s relationship is in it’s uniqueness. How we do what we do may be so very different than how you do it, but that’s what makes it all so special. We’ve learned (and initially we sucked at it) how to communicate so that we understand each other. We both go to great lengths to make that happen because it is mandatory in our relationship that we have that deep connection. We thrive on it and are at our best when we both want the very same things.

I know I will be heard and I know he will seek to understand me and not just dismiss my thoughts and feelings. I will always do the same for him. Yes, there are times when some kind of stupid fear gets in the way and I take too long to go to him, but in my heart of hearts I know he will listen no matter when I come to him to share what I’m thinking and feeling. I messed up pretty big last month and missed a very important deadline. Life was kicking my ass and it got away from me. I had to go to Coach with a heavy heart and confess my blunder. I was trying to fix it on my own and couldn’t. He took my burden and made it right, just like I knew he would, but I had to sweat out a weekend because nothing could be done until that Monday morning. He never got mad, but instead we examined what went on in our lives that caused the mistake to happen. As much as this was my fault he said it was his responsibility as well and he took an equal share in the blame. He let things get away from him too and we had to deal with it. He is not a Dom that looks for opportunities to punish me, but takes every opportunity to help me improve and grow. This was the perfect opportunity for both of us to improve and grow.

He wants me to want it and I do. I really do.

Dear Newly Submissive Married Woman,

We need to talk; girl to girl, wife to wife, sub to sub. I have so much I need to tell you and you’ve been on my mind for a while. You deserve to hear the unadulterated truth about this new world you’ve chosen to pursue. It’s not as easy as being handed a key by your husband and unlocking a jewelry box filled with priceless gems. The overwhelming majority of you will have to carefully and strategically ease open this particular oyster that both you and your husband dug for together in order to acquire the precious pearl and you’ll have to use specific tools and techniques. Some of you may even open your own personal Pandora’s Box. Epimetheus insisted that his wife, Pandora, obey the letter of the label. Epimetheus left for a few hours, but Pandora’s gift of curiosity took over. The box was entrusted to them by Zeus, but she felt Zeus was wrong to tell them not to open it. As the story goes, Pandora disobeyed and opened the box unleashing all the evils of the world, but the very last thing to come out of the box was hope. I need you to remember that because hope is a powerful force and it will help guide you home should you lose your way.

Why am I the one writing you this letter? Well, why the hell not? I see a need and I wish a letter like this was available for me when I first started exploring because it would have saved me a lot of frustration, heartache, and tears. I hope you find the information I share with you here to be valuable and that you seriously take into consideration the knowledge and wisdom I gained through the trial and error lessons I learned painstakingly over the last three years. If I could have avoided that kind of schooling I would have jumped at the chance because I would have had more peace on this journey.

I know that you’re crazy excited right now and it feels like a whole new world of possibilities are before you. You want to grab it all and have it all right this very minute. You have a feeling of freedom because you’ve finally owned up to who you are, but it’s mixed with trepidation due to so much mind boggling information out there and you just can’t afford to mess this up with your husband. Whether you’ve always known you’re submissive and hid it, or your submission was dormant and has just been awakened, you want to be your 100% sexy-ass-sultry-submissive-self gracefully kneeling like in a tumblr photo and for your husband to be his 100% manly-man-Dominant-self expertly leading you in all his powerful “Dom-ness” RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, DAMN IT! Whoa, slow down there tumblr addict, I totally get it…

BUT…

I just lost some of you because you don’t want to hear a BUT about anything. You want to hear YES! YES! YES! That’s called submissive frenzy. For unattached submissives that are just coming into the lifestyle, submissive frenzy is more of the quest to find a Dominant. In your case it is the quest to force change transform your husband into becoming your Dominant. This is a very slippery slope, subbie, and the advice out there on how to successfully do this is practically nil (look below for some of the few helpful links I could find). So what does newly submissive married woman frenzy look like? You want to be dominated now and you’re going to make sure he knows it. You tell him you read some things and you see yourself in it. You tell him you’ve always felt this way and this is what you want. You maybe even beg and plead for him to try this with you. You text and email him endlessly every article you can find so he knows exactly how a Dom is supposed to act. You buy books and load them on his tablet and you read blog post after blog post and feel like you’ve found your tribe (more on that later on). You cajole, cry, beg, manipulate, entice, seduce, remind, and maybe even threaten divorce. For some of you this is a race against time because you feel like your marriage is over and you think a D/s dynamic can save it. Some of you think your husband displays enough dominant traits that he must be a Dom and he’ll soon see himself in something you show him and jump on board. Some of you want to feel wanted and needed and loved because he just doesn’t pay attention anymore. Others of you are so starved for sex that you’re trying desperately to spice things up and bring back the kink. I know that many, many, many of you are genuine and are being extremely sincere in your efforts.

Let’s take a look at a few things you need to know about what really goes into a D/s relationship so you can better understand your own feelings, needs, and motives. These are the bare bones basics and is not a comprehensive list:

1) There is absolutely no guarantee that a D/s relationship will help an already ailing marriage. All D/s relationships, whether or not you’re married, are about honesty, trust, humility, patience, sensitivity, communication, negotiation, and genuineness – all the attributes of a good marriage or any kind of healthy relationship. Before you include a specific type of power exchange into your marriage you need to work on these qualities and take ownership of them simply because it behooves your relationship to do so. They don’t magically appear when a collar goes around a sub’s neck because they already need to be intrinsic to the relationship. Once you have that foundation you can start implementing a power exchange. You see, the D/s dynamic takes these elements much deeper and puts them on steroids. Your true selves will be revealed in every way and if the marriage needs work D/s won’t be a panacea.

2) You can still keep the vanilla! Vanilla isn’t a bad thing, but many will tell you it kills D/s. Liars! Vanilla only means life outside the D/s dynamic and BDSM activities. All sex is good sex if you’re doing it right. We enjoy vanilla sex, we enjoy kinky sex, we enjoy primal sex, we enjoy sex that includes bondage, discipline and sadomasochistic activities. I crave slow, passionate making love sex and completely enjoy hard, rough, peel me off the ceiling sex and I will bet your husband does, too. If you start insisting certain aspects of sexual activity that he enjoys cease in your sex life because it’s considered vanilla, you’re asking for him to shut you down. You are, in essence, telling him he’s a terrible lover and who wants that kind of rejection? Not a good way to start. How about this – what if he only wants vanilla sex, but wants the D/s dynamic? Did you just gasp? Read number 3.

3) D/s doesn’t mean sexual activity. Nope, it doesn’t. D/s is who you are and how you communicate and interact with one another. It is one person giving power over to other in a consensual exchange. It is an exchange of minds and hearts in a very special dance that draws out the fullness of your being. It is a way of life. BDSM activities are what you do that doesn’t necessarily include sex the way porn would have you believe. Can you be a submissive without being Dominated sexually? It’s a hard question that must be asked. See if you can live as a submissive on your own for a while. I bet there are things he’s wanted you to do and you’ve never done them. Don’t wait for some kind of formal rule list to be written up and elaborate protocols to be put into place before you start submitting. If he’s always wanted you to stop biting your nails or wants you to make the bed on a regular basis or workout everyday JUST DO IT! Obey what you already know to obey.

4) He may want to be a submissive or a switch. Don’t assume your husband is a Dom, even if he exhibits dominate traits. You may exhibit dominant traits, but you’ll swear on a stack of bibles that you’re a tried and true submissive. This can be a tricky one because it may be extremely hard for him to let you know, especially if you’re insisting on being the only submissive in the relationship. He may want to be a switch and Top for some things and bottom for others. You must be willing to take this seriously and consider all possibilities.

5) He may want to confine all D/s activities to the bedroom only and outside life to continue as normal. There are many couples who do that and are very fulfilled. Many couples start that way and gradually start incorporating D/s into more aspects of their lives. You do what works for the both of you and don’t feel some kind of pressure to be a 24/7 submissive.

6) Physical punishment isn’t a requirement and neither is pain of any kind. Just because you’re a submissive it doesn’t automatically make you a masochist and he doesn’t have to be a sadist if he’s a Dom. Many couples enjoy more of a sensual style that incorporates various forms of bondage, like Shibari, and sensory exploration such as wax play and feather tickling. Your husband may not want to spank you or you may not want to be spanked. It’s OK, really.

Are you still with me?

Look, there’s no such thing as a 50 Shades of Grey lifestyle and anyone who’s using that rhetoric to draw you in is playing you. It was a piece of fiction and real life D/s is so very different. What you liked was the kinky sex and that he paid attention to her all the time. That’s what you really want. You want your husband to notice you and tell you he craves you. You want to feel his love to your core. You want the fire and passion you had when you were younger. You want to feel connected to him in every way and feel taken care of and cherished. Don’t buy into someone trying to capitalize off of your good intentions and dare I say, desperation. The advice they give you can cause irreparable harm. I was once given some really horrible “advice” by a so-called submissive when I was at an all-time low point and had I followed it Coach and I would be divorced right now. Know what I did? I told her to fuck off. Use your head and keep your bullshit meter going all the time.

An overly romanticized picture has been painted that no human can possibly live up to (psst…these people don’t live up to it either). Don’t get me wrong, there’s room for lots of romance and thrill. Just know that there are many novices out there posing as experts and mentors. Most of them have never stepped inside a real event or even met anyone in their local community. They’ve also never written any kind of fact-based cited article (let alone a book), but they’ve read all the D/s and BDSM books out there and memorized the terminology of the lifestyle so they can recite it like a parrot. They speak of protocol and mindfulness and wear their submission like some sort of garter belt clad super-sub, cape and all. They want you to know that they’re there for you and looking out for you. How selfless are they! Their own opinions mean the world to them and they want you to know every single one of them. They’ve devised their own methods and ways of doing things and have even cultivated “cute” terminology of their own. They work very hard at keeping you attached so you don’t wander away and seek out others who can help you because only they know who you truly are and what you need. You’ll be told time and time again that you have so much in common and are just like them. They collect submissive friends like your grandmother collected Beanie Babies in the 90s, but in the end you’re just one of many and if you don’t have any more value (meaning you’re not so helpless anymore and can no longer inflate their already over-inflated ego) your friendship is no longer required and you are dismissed.

Did that sound harsh? You bet it did. Doesn’t it all sound so very middle/high school? It’s out there, ladies, so use your common sense and don’t get lulled into false comradery. Your tribe can and should be made up of a variety of people from many walks of life because strength is always found in diversity. Choose your sources wisely because this is YOUR life and no one can tell you how to live it. Learn from those trusted and vetted in the community because their many years of experience will give you sound advice.

Still want in? Good, I’m glad.

I’m glad we had this chat. We’ll talk again real soon, I’m sure.Take good care of yourself and I wish you all the best.
Love,
~Elle
XOXO
Further Reading:

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner (3 part series)

Submission in Marriage – Shifting from Husband and Wife to Dominant and Submissive

BDSM and How To Bring it to Life in your Vanilla Marriage