My Privilege

We’ve never been understood and we never will
It took us years to understand us
We don’t have the expectation to be understood anymore
I enjoy our cocoon, the one we slip into whenever we’re around anyone else
No one has gotten in and that’s fine by me
I only want to be understood by you
We put words out there and give people a glimpse
But that’s all it can ever be
This is our special life
It’s not anyone’s to understand and make sense of
It is my distinct privilege to know the real you and to love you

So Good. So Rare.

“I’m coming home at noon. I have a big break during the day and I don’t have to be back at work until five.”

“Really? What are we going to do with all that time?”

Long pause

“Just be ready.”

“Hey, kids, Daddy has a big break this afternoon and he and I have some work to do. He’s going to eat lunch as soon as he gets in the door and then he and I are going to go up into our room and work. We do not want to be disturbed. You guys can watch any movie you want.”

An hour later

“How’s my girl?”

Long, deep, passionate kiss

“I’m good, Sir. I’m so excited you’re here right now.”

“Let’s see how excited you are. Take your clothes off and kneel on the bed.”

“Good girl. Now get on all fours. I want to inspect you.”

Pinch. Smack, smack, smack, smack. Pinch, pinch, pinch, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, bite, bite, bite, smack, smack, really hard bite.

“Scoot back to the edge, ass in the air, and rest your face on the bed. You’re not allowed to move.”


“That’s a beautiful site and it’s all mine.”

Yes, all yours, always


What Is A True Soul Mate?


Sir, you are my true soul mate. You speak the truth in love and fight for my heart and mind. Thank you for never giving up on me and for pointing out truth from error, real from fake, fantasy from reality, and deception from uprightness.

Our New Puppy





This is a photo of Emi with her sister. If we could have adopted her we would have.

Meet our new puppy, Emi. Emi is Japanese for beautiful blessing. She is a German Shepherd/Australian Shepherd mix and just turned eight weeks. She is a sweetheart and is so smart. Her combination makes her loyal, brave, protective, smart and super sweet. We are so in Iove with her.

It’s been five years since we had a dog and we’ve missed having one.

A Thought, A Plea, A Wish, A Song

It hasn’t always been easy, baby. We’ve had to fight some hard battles and there are a few left to fight. I admire your tenacity and your hard work and dedication. I know that working as hard as you do isn’t about you being a workaholic. Your hard work is based on necessity and an intense sense of responsibility and I support you. There are so many things we want to do and see, but life has taken another turn and now we have to, yet again, readjust, redo, rework, realign. It’s exhausting and I see your weariness, but I also see in your eyes how much you want to give to me. My respect for you is beyond measure. I know you’ll never give up on our dreams. You’re just a little too far away in thought right now and I ache.

I love when you’re feeling strong and relieved. I miss your playfulness. I miss your spontaneity. I miss the totality of you when you feel free. Those things haven’t gone away completely and I know you’re trying so hard to stay connected. I want to help you relieve your stress. Please take it all out on me and in me. Use me hard. Devour me. I can take it. I want to take it…for you…for me…for us.

I also know that right now you’d just like nothing more than to sleep for a week straight and not have to talk or deal with anyone or anything and that probably includes me. I know it would only be temporary so you can decompress and unwind; so you can gather your thoughts and plan a strategy. The thought doesn’t make me sad because I want that for you. I want whatever is going to help you be you. I wish I could give that to you and then at the end of that week of rest you come and get me and take me away with you and share with me all those things that needed to be thought.

Until then, take refuge in me.

This song has nothing to do with anything I wrote except for the fact that I know how much you love James and I just want to put a smile on your face. Don’t you love the Italian introduction? I thought it’s totally fitting for us. Italians love their sex machines 😉 I know I love mine. Can I be your Go-Go girl?

We Had Plans

We decided to take it easy on the 4th because the kids would be competing in a major athletic competition the next day and we didn’t want them worn out. Coach works so much anyway that when we’re having family time we tend to lay low so he can just focus on us and not have to deal with crowds and lines. We fish or go to the park or track. Many times we just hang out watching movies or have family dance competitions to Just Dance on Xbox (Coach can throw down). Other times we just catch up with each other and do all we can to make each other laugh. There are tickle wars and wrestling matches, cooking experiments and nerf gun battles. I will have you know I can rock Beyblade (if you have a boy10 and under you will understand what that is). Sometimes Coach issues major clean up orders and we all work as a team to get a household project done. As for our 4th of July plans it was to be a secluded fishing pond, a picnic blanket, and watching the fireworks that a swanky country club sets off, which happens to be the property adjacent to the pond. No one goes to this place and we have the best seats in the house.


Our daughter’s cat got sick and she broke down in a puddle of tears and was worried beyond belief. He was OK in the morning, but as the day progressed poor Buddy wasn’t looking good. We were all worried. This cat came to us at a time when our daughter needed him and they are inseparable. We all love him. I thought Buddy would be alright, but we made the decison to stay home and keep our eyes in him. We had a carpet picnic instead and Coach taught our son how to attached lures to hooks. Daughter and I read (our default activity).

One of the most endearing things was watching Coach make periodic trips to check on Buddy. He’s an animal lover and has such a tender heart. He was so gentle and comforting with our daughter, too. A little while after we ate we saw that Buddy was looking and acting better. I had given him some stabilized oxygen because if it was bacterial this would kill it. Well, it must have been and he was perking up. We thought maybe we could go watch the fireworks afterall, but then it started to rain and even thiugh that was short-lived we saw that rain would be sporadic and would most likely fall right at our pond.. The kids were so happy that Buddy was doing better that they didn’t care. They got themselves ready for bed and we asleep by 8:30. They smiled in their sleep.

We knew we needed to be up at 4:00 am so we made our way to our bedroom. No, we did not have fireworks. Coach gave me a much needed massage instead and kissed me well. Neighborhood fireworks were on display from our bedroom window and as we settled into bed we talked of future plans, our love for each other and how blessed we are. We talked about sexy D/s things and our D/s goals and fantasies. We had a peaceful sleep.

Right now I am in the stands at this major competition. Coach is an official here today because he wants to make sure all the rules are followed for this most important event. Our kids our warming up and I am wearing my assistant coach’s hat.

Tonight we will have our fireworks, but today we are first and foremost dad and mom, supporting and cheering on our kids.

P.S. Buddy is doing just fine.

You’ve Got A Friend

I sang this song for a talent show when I was in middle school. I woke up hearing it. The words have always gripped me. I have a heavy heart today, but I’ll be fine. I know that my heart has an amazing capacity to love and it’s more inclusive than exclusive. I see that as a tremendous benefit and Coach said it’s a gift. I should never take that gift for granted.

To D and J…thank you! I so wish I could share more about me with you. I wish you could read this blog. You know I have it, but have never pushed to read it because you allow me the opportunity to say what I need to say into the Universe. I know you wouldn’t judge, but I would never risk anything coming between us. I love you both too much to do such a thing.

J, we’ve known each other since we were 13 (35 years!), when I met you on our first day of high school. We were instant friends. My nickname is Elle because of you. You get my warped humor, the humor I don’t show on this blog, and you just get me. We partied till we dropped, danced until dawn more times than I can count, laughed, cried, and supported each other all these years. I’m checking my lottery numbers because I promised I’d buy you a Jaguar one of these days and I always keep my promises.

D, your wisdom is beyond most people’s comprehension. We were instant friends from the moment I made that fateful call and you answered the phone. You are the older sister I never had. Our age difference means nothing to us. You always call at the exact moment of my pain or joy. How do you do that? How are you so tuned in to the extremes of my heart? Everyone is confused by our friendship because no one in a million years would expect us to be friends. We seem so opposite, but that’s because they only see the outside. On the inside, we’re cut from the same bolt of cloth. We’ve never had one single disagreement in the 13 years we’ve been friends. I am a better person when I’m with you. You bring out the very best in me. You are in a class all your own.

When you’re down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothin’, nnothin’ is goin’ right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come runnin’ to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there
You’ve got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you’ll hear me knockin’ at your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come runnin’, runnin, yeah, yeah,
to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes I will

Now ain’t it good to know
that you’ve got a friend
When people can be so cold
They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don’t you let them.

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come runnin, runnin’, yeah, yeah, yeah
to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes I will
You’ve got a friend,
you’ve got a friend,
ain’t it good to know,
you’ve got a friend,
ain’t it good to know,
ain’t it good to know,
ain’t it good to know,
you’ve got a friend,
oh yeah now, you’ve got a friend,
yeah baby, you’ve got a friend,
oh yeah, you’ve got a friend.