My Privilege

We’ve never been understood and we never will
It took us years to understand us
We don’t have the expectation to be understood anymore
I enjoy our cocoon, the one we slip into whenever we’re around anyone else
No one has gotten in and that’s fine by me
I only want to be understood by you
We put words out there and give people a glimpse
But that’s all it can ever be
This is our special life
It’s not anyone’s to understand and make sense of
It is my distinct privilege to know the real you and to love you

Dear Newly Submissive Married Woman,

We need to talk; girl to girl, wife to wife, sub to sub. I have so much I need to tell you and you’ve been on my mind for a while. You deserve to hear the unadulterated truth about this new world you’ve chosen to pursue. It’s not as easy as being handed a key by your husband and unlocking a jewelry box filled with priceless gems. The overwhelming majority of you will have to carefully and strategically ease open this particular oyster that both you and your husband dug for together in order to acquire the precious pearl and you’ll have to use specific tools and techniques. Some of you may even open your own personal Pandora’s Box. Epimetheus insisted that his wife, Pandora, obey the letter of the label. Epimetheus left for a few hours, but Pandora’s gift of curiosity took over. The box was entrusted to them by Zeus, but she felt Zeus was wrong to tell them not to open it. As the story goes, Pandora disobeyed and opened the box unleashing all the evils of the world, but the very last thing to come out of the box was hope. I need you to remember that because hope is a powerful force and it will help guide you home should you lose your way.

Why am I the one writing you this letter? Well, why the hell not? I see a need and I wish a letter like this was available for me when I first started exploring because it would have saved me a lot of frustration, heartache, and tears. I hope you find the information I share with you here to be valuable and that you seriously take into consideration the knowledge and wisdom I gained through the trial and error lessons I learned painstakingly over the last three years. If I could have avoided that kind of schooling I would have jumped at the chance because I would have had more peace on this journey.

I know that you’re crazy excited right now and it feels like a whole new world of possibilities are before you. You want to grab it all and have it all right this very minute. You have a feeling of freedom because you’ve finally owned up to who you are, but it’s mixed with trepidation due to so much mind boggling information out there and you just can’t afford to mess this up with your husband. Whether you’ve always known you’re submissive and hid it, or your submission was dormant and has just been awakened, you want to be your 100% sexy-ass-sultry-submissive-self gracefully kneeling like in a tumblr photo and for your husband to be his 100% manly-man-Dominant-self expertly leading you in all his powerful “Dom-ness” RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, DAMN IT! Whoa, slow down there tumblr addict, I totally get it…


I just lost some of you because you don’t want to hear a BUT about anything. You want to hear YES! YES! YES! That’s called submissive frenzy. For unattached submissives that are just coming into the lifestyle, submissive frenzy is more of the quest to find a Dominant. In your case it is the quest to force change transform your husband into becoming your Dominant. This is a very slippery slope, subbie, and the advice out there on how to successfully do this is practically nil (look below for some of the few helpful links I could find). So what does newly submissive married woman frenzy look like? You want to be dominated now and you’re going to make sure he knows it. You tell him you read some things and you see yourself in it. You tell him you’ve always felt this way and this is what you want. You maybe even beg and plead for him to try this with you. You text and email him endlessly every article you can find so he knows exactly how a Dom is supposed to act. You buy books and load them on his tablet and you read blog post after blog post and feel like you’ve found your tribe (more on that later on). You cajole, cry, beg, manipulate, entice, seduce, remind, and maybe even threaten divorce. For some of you this is a race against time because you feel like your marriage is over and you think a D/s dynamic can save it. Some of you think your husband displays enough dominant traits that he must be a Dom and he’ll soon see himself in something you show him and jump on board. Some of you want to feel wanted and needed and loved because he just doesn’t pay attention anymore. Others of you are so starved for sex that you’re trying desperately to spice things up and bring back the kink. I know that many, many, many of you are genuine and are being extremely sincere in your efforts.

Let’s take a look at a few things you need to know about what really goes into a D/s relationship so you can better understand your own feelings, needs, and motives. These are the bare bones basics and is not a comprehensive list:

1) There is absolutely no guarantee that a D/s relationship will help an already ailing marriage. All D/s relationships, whether or not you’re married, are about honesty, trust, humility, patience, sensitivity, communication, negotiation, and genuineness – all the attributes of a good marriage or any kind of healthy relationship. Before you include a specific type of power exchange into your marriage you need to work on these qualities and take ownership of them simply because it behooves your relationship to do so. They don’t magically appear when a collar goes around a sub’s neck because they already need to be intrinsic to the relationship. Once you have that foundation you can start implementing a power exchange. You see, the D/s dynamic takes these elements much deeper and puts them on steroids. Your true selves will be revealed in every way and if the marriage needs work D/s won’t be a panacea.

2) You can still keep the vanilla! Vanilla isn’t a bad thing, but many will tell you it kills D/s. Liars! Vanilla only means life outside the D/s dynamic and BDSM activities. All sex is good sex if you’re doing it right. We enjoy vanilla sex, we enjoy kinky sex, we enjoy primal sex, we enjoy sex that includes bondage, discipline and sadomasochistic activities. I crave slow, passionate making love sex and completely enjoy hard, rough, peel me off the ceiling sex and I will bet your husband does, too. If you start insisting certain aspects of sexual activity that he enjoys cease in your sex life because it’s considered vanilla, you’re asking for him to shut you down. You are, in essence, telling him he’s a terrible lover and who wants that kind of rejection? Not a good way to start. How about this – what if he only wants vanilla sex, but wants the D/s dynamic? Did you just gasp? Read number 3.

3) D/s doesn’t mean sexual activity. Nope, it doesn’t. D/s is who you are and how you communicate and interact with one another. It is one person giving power over to other in a consensual exchange. It is an exchange of minds and hearts in a very special dance that draws out the fullness of your being. It is a way of life. BDSM activities are what you do that doesn’t necessarily include sex the way porn would have you believe. Can you be a submissive without being Dominated sexually? It’s a hard question that must be asked. See if you can live as a submissive on your own for a while. I bet there are things he’s wanted you to do and you’ve never done them. Don’t wait for some kind of formal rule list to be written up and elaborate protocols to be put into place before you start submitting. If he’s always wanted you to stop biting your nails or wants you to make the bed on a regular basis or workout everyday JUST DO IT! Obey what you already know to obey.

4) He may want to be a submissive or a switch. Don’t assume your husband is a Dom, even if he exhibits dominate traits. You may exhibit dominant traits, but you’ll swear on a stack of bibles that you’re a tried and true submissive. This can be a tricky one because it may be extremely hard for him to let you know, especially if you’re insisting on being the only submissive in the relationship. He may want to be a switch and Top for some things and bottom for others. You must be willing to take this seriously and consider all possibilities.

5) He may want to confine all D/s activities to the bedroom only and outside life to continue as normal. There are many couples who do that and are very fulfilled. Many couples start that way and gradually start incorporating D/s into more aspects of their lives. You do what works for the both of you and don’t feel some kind of pressure to be a 24/7 submissive.

6) Physical punishment isn’t a requirement and neither is pain of any kind. Just because you’re a submissive it doesn’t automatically make you a masochist and he doesn’t have to be a sadist if he’s a Dom. Many couples enjoy more of a sensual style that incorporates various forms of bondage, like Shibari, and sensory exploration such as wax play and feather tickling. Your husband may not want to spank you or you may not want to be spanked. It’s OK, really.

Are you still with me?

Look, there’s no such thing as a 50 Shades of Grey lifestyle and anyone who’s using that rhetoric to draw you in is playing you. It was a piece of fiction and real life D/s is so very different. What you liked was the kinky sex and that he paid attention to her all the time. That’s what you really want. You want your husband to notice you and tell you he craves you. You want to feel his love to your core. You want the fire and passion you had when you were younger. You want to feel connected to him in every way and feel taken care of and cherished. Don’t buy into someone trying to capitalize off of your good intentions and dare I say, desperation. The advice they give you can cause irreparable harm. I was once given some really horrible “advice” by a so-called submissive when I was at an all-time low point and had I followed it Coach and I would be divorced right now. Know what I did? I told her to fuck off. Use your head and keep your bullshit meter going all the time.

An overly romanticized picture has been painted that no human can possibly live up to (psst…these people don’t live up to it either). Don’t get me wrong, there’s room for lots of romance and thrill. Just know that there are many novices out there posing as experts and mentors. Most of them have never stepped inside a real event or even met anyone in their local community. They’ve also never written any kind of fact-based cited article (let alone a book), but they’ve read all the D/s and BDSM books out there and memorized the terminology of the lifestyle so they can recite it like a parrot. They speak of protocol and mindfulness and wear their submission like some sort of garter belt clad super-sub, cape and all. They want you to know that they’re there for you and looking out for you. How selfless are they! Their own opinions mean the world to them and they want you to know every single one of them. They’ve devised their own methods and ways of doing things and have even cultivated “cute” terminology of their own. They work very hard at keeping you attached so you don’t wander away and seek out others who can help you because only they know who you truly are and what you need. You’ll be told time and time again that you have so much in common and are just like them. They collect submissive friends like your grandmother collected Beanie Babies in the 90s, but in the end you’re just one of many and if you don’t have any more value (meaning you’re not so helpless anymore and can no longer inflate their already over-inflated ego) your friendship is no longer required and you are dismissed.

Did that sound harsh? You bet it did. Doesn’t it all sound so very middle/high school? It’s out there, ladies, so use your common sense and don’t get lulled into false comradery. Your tribe can and should be made up of a variety of people from many walks of life because strength is always found in diversity. Choose your sources wisely because this is YOUR life and no one can tell you how to live it. Learn from those trusted and vetted in the community because their many years of experience will give you sound advice.

Still want in? Good, I’m glad.

I’m glad we had this chat. We’ll talk again real soon, I’m sure.Take good care of yourself and I wish you all the best.
Further Reading:

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner (3 part series)

Submission in Marriage – Shifting from Husband and Wife to Dominant and Submissive

BDSM and How To Bring it to Life in your Vanilla Marriage



I found this gem at


Here are some meanings of the word surrender:

To trust in one’s life processes.

To accept life situations as they are without trying to change them.

To be in the present moment.

To accept what is not in your control.

To be willing to be responsible, to accept guidance, teaching, pleasure, and to let go.

To experience the divine.

To release illusions.

To accept the truth.

To let go of fear and tension.

To experience all your feelings.

Each of us needs to surrender in our own unique way. Some of us need to surrender to the experience of life, to let go of the feeling that we don’t have the right to be here or to live fully. Others of us need to surrender to our feelings and experience emotion of every variety. Some of us have cut off from our bodies, treating them as distant tools, and we need to surrender to physical sensations, even those that are unpleasant or uncomfortable.

Some of us refuse support from others, being unwilling to surrender to the feeling of not having control or feeling helpless. Others of us need to let go, feel sexual, experience pleasure and stop fighting against our sexual urges. Some have to give up the illusion of being swallowed and consumed by the other, give up the fantasy of complete freedom, and accept the limitations of real freedom and real relationship.

Many of us need to surrender to love, to expressing it freely and to opening our hearts. We may also need to surrender to heartbreak, to the experience of rejection, to feeling abandoned, to feeling dependent.

Fear of surrender is like fear of falling. There is no visible support. And we fear falling in love, even though we yearn for it. We fear fusion with another, even though we yearn for it as well. We also fear loss of self, death, falling asleep, the unknown, darkness, and involuntary acts.

What are you still holding holding on to?

Paying The P.R.I.C.E.

Steps Towards Healing From Emotional Injury


We all experience emotional pain and trauma at one time or another. We get beat up by life simply by being a living, breathing entity on this earth. We also get emotionally wounded by family, friends, associations, or even total strangers. It doesn’t really matter who’s dishing it out because one word can stick with you and even send you over the edge of the cliff without you realizing. Even a stranger’s word can be the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. Poor camel, poor you. We carry a lot of burdens on our backs and shoulders and many are completely unnecessary. We really don’t have to be all things to all people, we just have to be true to ourselves. I choose to make a daily affirmation of submitting my power over to my God, and second, my Dom. I am not in charge of the universe, therefore, I choose to submit to the Power that is in charge of the universe and hand over my very life. My Dom is in charge of my daily guidance and how I walk out my life and he has the final word on how we live day to day.

Coach and I have had several talks recently about how I process emotional pain and how it can be managed before it escalates into a meltdown or even a fit of anger. I’m like a pressure cooker; everything goes into the pot, the lid is sealed tightly, and it all heats up and stews. My thoughts and feelings seem neatly contained in my pot and no one, including me, is aware that the pressure has become too much for me to handle. On the outside I am calm, but at some point I am not capable of keeping it in any longer and I blow my top. I can either have a panicky meltdown, get very angry, or put up walls and get self-protective.

Coach and I talked about how we can better manage my emotions and catch and deal with my escalation before I ever get to that point of no return. We both agree that letting me go from A to V without intervention is asking for trouble because if I’m at V then I’m already in the home stretch to Z and some serious momentum has been built up. We realize that I need to be reeled in at  D, and at the very latest P, if intervention is going to have an affect. A Dom needs to recognize the warning signs that lead up to a sub’s emotional unraveling. If you’ve been with someone long enough you should know their signs and be able to intervene before some damage is done. If you’ve lived long enough you should  also be able to recognize your own signs and be able to be proactive and ask for help. It takes intentional habitual practice to recognize early warning signs of the emotional unravel. You have to invest in yourself and your Dom has to be fully invested in you in order to effectively help. I found some great resources that can help with recognizing and managing your emotional triggers:

Outsmart Your Brain – Mind Growing Programs for Leaders

Unraveling Emotional Triggers

There are also a few things that can be done to help when emotions are triggered and is especially important to apply if you do go over the edge and it’s called P.R.I.C.E.

Some of you have been taught R.I.C.E. as the acronym used for treating a physical injury, such as a twisted ankle or a sprained shoulder. The P has been added by experts not too long ago and is a very necessary component. So what does P.R.I.C.E. for:

P – Protection
R – Rest
I – Ice
C – Compression
E – Elevation

The same way you use these procedures to treat a physical injury can be used to treat an emotional injury.

P – Protection – The first principle is protection. The purpose of protection is to avoid further injury to the area by protecting the injured structures. The type of protection used varies depending on the injured area but may include an ace bandage, aluminum splint, sling, protective tape, or over-the-counter brace.

The same principle applies to an emotional injury. The best example I can give is a recent situation where Coach became my temporary crutch. I needed to lean on him because I was just too weak to stand on my own. Your sub will need your hand, your shoulder, and your arms to help her stand. Let her lean on you.

R – Rest – The purpose of resting is to allow the body’s own healing processes to naturally occur without being impeded by movement of the injured area.

It wouldn’t have helped me to just not blog for a day, but recently, Coach imposed a three week blogging break on me so I could remove myself and gain some perspective. My focus was wrong and I needed to rest and process. During those three weeks I did take the time to physically rest as well. Emotions are taxing on the body and you may need extra sleep and to not be as busy so you can build up your strength.

I – Ice – Icing is most effective in the immediate period following an injury. The effect of icing diminishes significantly after about 48 hours.

Ice for emotional injury is just as important and should be applied immediately. In this case, a cooling off period needs to occur. How to you bring down a heated emotional situation? Stay cool and calm. Your sub needs you to keep your cool so she can reduce that immediate emotional inflammation.

C – Compression – When the ice pack is removed, a compression wrap should be applied to the injured area. The compression wrap serves as a mechanical barrier so that swelling is minimized in the injured area. There are a number of compression wraps available on the market, but the most commonly used is an elastic or ace bandage.

I think most of us in the BDSM world can understand that having those bindings on (rope, leather straps, silk ribbon) can have a very calming effect on a sub, but even just lots and lots of hugging and touching works like a compression wrap and can reduce further emotional swelling.

E – Elevate – Elevating your injured foot or ankle above the level of your heart reduces the pull of gravity. Your heart doesn’t have to work as hard, and blood is less likely to pool in your lower limbs and make them swell. Reducing the pressure of the extra fluid can alleviate pain as well.

How do you elevate your injured sub? With lots and lots of words of comfort and letting her know how wonderful and special she is. Let her see clearly in your eyes her good qualities. More than likely she feels lower than low and she needs you to reinforce her worth. Elevate her heart so she can soar again.

Trust- Day 5

I love summer. I’ve had some amazing summers throughout my life so I am always hoping that each summer will be filled with fun. Coach and I started out as a summer romance and it was hot and steamy. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I long for a summer like that again. We were young, sexy, hot, and so very adventurous.

This summer started out with a lot of promise, but events and circumstances haven’t met our hopes and expectations and the burden has been difficult to bear. It hasn’t been the worst summer because our business has gotten some national recognition and we’re very proud of that. However, other things fell apart and we’re picking up the pieces. I know, you win some, you lose some, but this round was very difficult.

The kids have been around a lot this summer. This was a huge travel summer for their friends so our kids have been climbing the walls. I haven’t gotten enough childless hours to decompress and I realize how much I need time alone to process. Mix in some other things that happened that caused us to change a plan we wanted so badly and you can see that we’re both wound up tight…really tight.

The kids start school today and I’m so relieved. After I drop them off I’ll head right to the gym for a much needed workout. This summer also derailed my workouts. I SUCK at working out on my own and I need either Coach training me or people around watching me. I can’t help it, but if men are looking at me I get really motivated. Bad girl.

Is it any wonder we feel off? We’ve had a hard summer. I’ve thought a lot about what we have and I’m trying to put it all in perspective. There are a few things I know about Coach:

1) He does not want to be my babysitter. I’m a grown woman with years of wisdom and experience and he expects me to behave as a mature woman should, which means speaking up when something is wrong and not waiting until it gets too big to handle when emotions take me for a ride.

*I can do many things well, but as my Dom, I need Coach to have more follow-up with me, even if he’s sure whatever project or situation will have a good end product or outcome. I need to feel like he’s engaged in what I’m doing even if he’s given me autonomy.

2) He wants so very much to take care of me, but he absolutely expects me to take care of myself as well. I am to love who I am and believe in myself.

*Not keeping up with my workouts this summer was a big deal to him and I disappointed him. He sees my working out consistently as an act of submission and has told me it energizes him when I am getting fit. He wants me to achieve a standard he’s set for me. I’m weak in this area and this is another area that I really needed his follow-up and his presence.

3) Whining is for children. I am not his child and even with our own children, whining is not tolerated. I can’t say I’ve whined, because I can’t stand whining either, but I’ve complained at times. Complaining is whining’s bitchy best friend. He would much rather I come to him calmly with what I don’t like or with whatever is wrong. I can come to him anytime as long as I do it respectfully. I think I’ve said this a few times and you would think it was gospel by now, but I have my moments.

*I really needed to be called out a few times. I know I can be a handful and Coach is the kind of man that if you’re not on board with him he won’t fight you, he’ll just walk away. I’m full of passion and fire. He is always calm. Many times I take it like he doesn’t care, but it’s just that he doesn’t wear his emotions. I was originally attracted to this aspect of him when we first met. I lived around overly emotional and hot-headed men. I wanted a man with maturity and someone who wouldn’t yell and scream at me. Coach has never done that.

4) Begging for something is a No No, as well. Again, respectfully asking goes a long way. I may not get what I want, but 99.9% of the time it’s because of circumstances and not because he doesn’t want to give.

*I know if Coach was able he’d give me every little thing my heart desired. He’s never denied me what I truly needed. The beginning of this year I had a medical issue that insurance didn’t cover and he didn’t even blink an eye. He insisted I get the procedure done and has never regretted it. It greatly improved my quality of life and I so appreciate him putting me first.

5) Giving him a list of a bunch of things I want (sexual and otherwise) without making sure I explicitly let him know how much I love what he does makes him feel like he can’t do enough for me and that I don’t appreciate him.

*So, I’m a bit insatiable when it comes to sex. There, I said it. Coach has quite an appetite, but life has gotten in the way and he can only do so much. In the words of Bob Marley, “Every little thing is gonna be alright.” We are planning a get away and we’e planning some afternoon time since we’ll have an empty house with the kids back at school. Afternoon delight is delicious and Coach’s schedule allows for that a few times a month so we can get in the hard play we both crave without the kids or the neighbors hearing. In the meantime, Coach has had me on my knees a few times this week 😉

Thank you, Sir, for everything. I Iove you.

Trust – Day 1

He woke me from a deep sleep at 5am by rubbing his hand along my bare back. I rolled over and he kissed me good morning. I turned back over onto my right side and he pulled me in close to spoon me. I pressed my ass into his groin and wiggled. He cupped my left breast and squeezed. We enjoyed a few minutes of wiggles and squeezes with hardness and wetness getting harder and wetter. Then one final squeeze, one final wiggle and he pulled himself away and headed to the bathroom to shower. These morning wake ups are bliss, but they’re fleeting.

I got up and made my way to the kitchen for coffee and to make his breakfast and get everything ready so he can get to work on time. I’m always happy to serve him this way and it is an expression of my submission. I know he appreciates what I do. We kissed goodbye in the laundry room and then he headed through the door to the garage. I am left disappointed because it was a quick kiss and a quick “love you.” Usually, our laundry room goodbyes are filled with so much more. I felt empty, but I promised to trust him over the next 30 days that he will give me what I need.

We are digging deeper into our D/s. We each want more from the other. I think this is the natural course of the relationship. We are different people than when we first started out and our needs have changed. Why 30 days? Some experts say you need 30 consistent days to establish new habits. Our D/s is not a habit, it’s who we are, but we’ve developed some habit patterns that do not serve us well. We uncovered an insecurity that causes me to doubt intentions and not trust so readily, which makes Coach feel like I don’t appreciate what he does for me. We’ve made our declarations and promises to each other and fully intend to give it our all. We both want to be more aware and in-tune with each other. We never want to take what we have for granted.

I know he has a lot on his mind today. An important meeting, a full schedule, a phone call to schedule another important meeting. Working a full time job and trying to build a business is time and thought consuming. My job today will be to make sure everything is functioning properly at home, do some research for him, and get my head in the right frame of mind for the next month.

Our days start early and we won’t physically connect again until close to 10pm on most nights. We don’t have the kind of evenings many couple do. There is no dinner on the table at 6pm so we can all eat together because he is not home. There is no snuggle and play on the couch when the kids go to bed because he is not home. There isn’t a quick fuck before bed because he is not home. These things do happen from time to time, but they are not common occurrences. I have come to accept this part of our lives.

Just a quick check-in call to tell me how a meeting went and a couple of brief texts was the only communication we had all day. We spoke on the phone at 8:15 pm to tell me he was picking our daughter up from dance and would be headed home soon. He told me to kneel for him when he gets home and my heart lept for joy. I knew he was making an effort with a more formal display of D/s and I was thankful. He walked in the door at 9:10 looking terribly exhausted. The 40 minute drive home had taken a toll. I feel for him. Right now I know he would rather go to sleep than do anything else. I was reading to our son, who would not settle down and go to bed earlier, so when he walked in the door he didn’t disturb us and I did not get a kiss hello. He sat on the couch to unwind and shared a little about his day. Then he wanted to check something out online and as he was reading the kids and I got noisy and he became annoyed. I told the kids to go to bed and they went upstairs. I reached over to turn off the lamp and I hit my elbow on the edge of the end table. I became frustrated. He was still annoyed and I took it personally and tried hard to not react negatively. I asked him what was wrong, but I was too insistent. I heard myself and didn’t like what I heard. I knelt at his feet and everything soon settled. I asked if I’ve done well today. He told me that I was good and he was pleased with me. He was just so fucking tired.

He told me to go up to bed and kneel for him. I went to our bedroom to get ready, but I was not moving too fast so I was not kneeling when he walked in, but he was fine with that. I finished what I was doing and I knelt. He washed up in the bathroom and then sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me up to him. He ran his fingers through my hair. He held my face in the palms of his hands and he kissed hard. He gripped my hair at the nape of my neck and kissed me harder. He slapped my tits very hard a few times. He didn’t speak a word and my eyes were wide and locked on his. He then slapped me across the face a quick three times without any hesitation. He pulled me in and kissed me even harder. He stood up and took off his clothes and his cock was rock hard. He told me to take off my clothes and get on all fours on the bed. I did so quickly. He started to fervently touch me all over. He pinched and twisted my nipples. He plunged his fingers into my wet pussy. I needed this. He stretched back on the bed and told me to suck his cock. I greedily took him in my mouth and sucked and licked. He moaned. I moaned. He held my hair and guided my head. I felt myself drifting into subspace, but I moved some weird way and felt a pinch in the back of my neck. I told him my neck was hurting. He told me to lay down and he wrapped his arm around me and cupped my left breast with his. We were in the same position as we were that morning. He told me to sleep. I let out a whimper of frustration, but quickly recovered. He promised we’ll pick it up tomorrow and we both drifted off to sleep.