Sometimes I’m Not Very Submissive

Am I the only one who, on a rare occasions, goes into a situation I’ve imagined and anticipated and just loses the ability to remember who I am?

Am I the only one who checks her mind at the door and gets caught up in the situation to such a degree that I act solely on the feelings of those around me?

Am I the only one that can live in her imagination so deeply that I ignore reality and swan dive into the fantasy that’s been created?

Am I the only one who wants to make other people I’m with so happy and pleased with me that I forget the one I am to please?

Thought so. I wasn’t a total slug, though. I did obey, but not at the level I should have. I wasn’t disrespectful and I followed instructions when they were given, but I didn’t seem to remember who I was. I just floated away and wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. Nothing else mattered and it was complete green lights straight down the boulevard for me. It wasn’t intentional and it wasn’t premeditated. It just was.

We’ve done so much talking the last few days that I’m all talked out. I need to step back for a bit and take a rest. Coach told me to take a three week break from blogging and I must do this. This morning it was six weeks, but I asked him to reconsider. He read that it’s a minimum of three weeks to break a habit so he’ll let me do it as long as I add in a book he wants me to read and study out. I can do that.

During these three weeks I plan on attending some local sub events and meetings. I think I need some local support; real live people to meet and talk to. I really think that’s what’s been lacking. I don’t see my friends much anymore because we’ve grown apart. I have so many of you here that are so encouraging and supportive and I thank you for that. I have a wonderful blogging friend I’m very close to (love ya, Viv), but she’s so far away. I’m a face-to-face person. I need voices and smiles and winks and nods and hand holding and hugs and body language and facial expressions. I need to learn and grown more in my submission.

I’ll be back blogging about the third week of November. I’ll miss Boobday this Friday, and on Halloween of all days! I had one hell of a Vamp pic, too. Seriously…me in my corset, fishnets, stilettos, bite mark on my neck. You would have loved it! I may still have to post it when I get back. I think I may come back Vamp-ier than ever 😉

This will go by quickly as I have so many projects I have to finish, and, along with the personal assisting job, there’s a very real possibility of a full time job. I’m excited about this one because it’s for a major event planning company. I would be doing admin so I won’t have to work all those nights and weekends. Lots to do, lots to do.

My official end of blogging break is on a Thursday and there is a very special club that has a new member meet and greet and dinner on Wednesdays. As much as a sub needs discipline, she needs rewards as well. That would make for one super hot reward and one hell of a “I’m Back” post.

See you all soon!

XOXOX
~Elle