That’s not me
I tried to make it not true
I am stronger than you
I wouldn’t let you out
Wouldn’t let you live
I buried you deep
Covered you in years of debris
Put on a thick layer of concrete
Built a shiny skyscraper on top
You clawed your way out of the abyss
You were screaming in my head
You raged for years
You wouldn’t leave me alone
I was torn up with your anger
I hated you
I can’t be her
She is wrong
I’ve lived a lie
You fought for your life
You fought for my life
You could finally breath
I could finally breath
I am her
She is me
I have transcended
The Submission of Elle 
Oh that is so very true Elle!
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Glad you think so, Peep. I feel very light now that I came clean with myself.
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Brilliant! This captures years and years of internal thoughts, fights, and struggles!
xoxo
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Aww, thank you! I waged war against myself and if anyone wants to know what my problem was all those years, that was it. Now that she’s out she’s a horny, feisty thing and with each new discovery she gets more brazen 😀
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Well I quite like the horny, feisty, brazen Elle! 🙂 xoxo
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She’s so much more fun! Give her tequila and you’ll see.
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Oh sheesh! I’ll have to get permission for the tequila if I’m to join you in any fun with said elixir… 🙂
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I’m seldom allowed because I go all Coyote Ugly. Although, things have changed and I think he would quite like me up p on that bar.
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I blacked out the last time I had tequila. Woke up the next morning, naked, cut up and bruised all over. Don’t remember any of it. B just snickered at me and asked how I was. Fuck I was still drunk, had to call out sick. 😉
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Oh no! I haven’t been that kind of drunk in over 25 years, but I know the pain you were feeling. I used to have those kind of episodes all the time. I learned my cut off point. Champagne gets me crazy horny I will climb all over Coach no matter where we are if I’m given enough champagne.
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I seem to be on a ten year rotation with getting that drunk. Each time with tequila. It’s why I now need careful monitoring by B if I’m to consume it. 🙂
I think this last time cured me of ever getting that drunk again though. It was brutal.
That’s funny about champagne having that kind of reaction on you.
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How about this, I don’t get any buzz from gin and tonic, but it makes me assertive so I’ll order it if I’m in a situation where I need to be sharp and aware. It was my go-to business lunch drink.
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Haha! Love me some gin and tonic too, but it has to have a healthy squeeze of lime in it.
This is a great combo, gin for assertiveness, tequila for wild and crazy and champagne for horny!!! 😀
Three drinks for the lady please. 😉
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Yum…lime!
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🙂
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Reblogged this on moving on and commented:
Awesome……yes
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I’m so glad you can relate.
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I love it…. “Un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place”… That statement alone says so much of how I have felt along this journey. Leaving behind a woman that was just existing to be the woman who I am now who is living life to its fullest, and happier and more content than I ever thought possible. Awesome post Elle!
Damn I absolutely love that statement…. So amazingly true!
Hugs, Mynx
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Thanks, Mynx. When I saw that it just summed it all up for me. It’s not just my submissiveness that I held back, but all my deepest darkest desires. Now that they are out I can’t imagine being anyone else. I am so ready to dive into them and explore every possibility. ((Hugs))
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You go Elle, dive into the pool of desire…. Hope your a good swimmer, cause you won’t ever want to get out of that pool friend! ;D
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Love! Its like breaking through the surface of the waves that were pushing you down. You can finally breathe!
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I loathed her, but somewhere deep inside there was will to live and by doing so she finally loved herself.
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Reblogged this on Pushing our limits and commented:
Exactly.
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I know you know, Mel.
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So damn true, Elle. Especially the voice raging in our minds…
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That voice raged in me for years. Such relief to let it out and now she’s got some lungs on her.
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I bet she’s a force to be reckoned with. 🙂
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And she’s fun, too!
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/giggies. Yay!
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sometimes moving the dirt around stings – but to be cleansed it’s a must. great post elle!
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When the cracks in the foundation started opening up it was time to break through. I used to patch it up in the past, but I did a crappy job. It was took big this time.
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I love it! So true.
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Thank you for loving it. So glad you see that truth xo
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It takes true guts to dive that deep into your soul and start from the inside out! Elle, the poem was a work of beauty, but the journey behind the poem is a study in courage and fortitude. Kudos lady, you just rock!
renel
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*blush* Thank you for such sweet words. I’m happy you enjoyed my poem. It was a hard journey, but worth it. I’m still discovering and learning the depths of my submission. Almost everyday I seem to make a new discovery about my submission and my true self. It’s been 2 years since being unearthed and I’m still learning. xo
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I have always believed that the purpose of life is to become the person you really are, the one you were always meant to be. This is wonderfully written.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes we hide out of survival and stay in survival mode beyond the time we need to. I guarded this part of me with all that I had.
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As did I. I completely understand.
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Feels good to be free 🙂
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Such a skilfully written piece, it takes courage and commitment to remove all the layers and love what’s there. Inspirational. Rebecca
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Hi, Rebecca. I think my will to live was my main motivation because I don’t always feel so courageous. I’m glad I could inspire. Thank you for your kind words.
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I guess I missed this!
great post… It is so nice to breathe! Love that UN-becoming… It is so easy to become the thing that is expected, that hides, that simply survives. But so nice to unbecome all of that and be the person you were meant to be. Glad you made it! Hugs.
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I’m glad I made it, too. I feel like I broke out of a cocoon and that’s even after the admittance to myself that I am submissive. That was the beginning of the digging out. As a matter if fact, it’s what made me atart to dig out. I’m just discovering who I am as a submissive.
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