BDSM Scene Preparation

We don’t do big scenes weekly or even bi-monthly. I just heard your collective sighs, but really, it’s OK. We have lots of sex and intimacy, a good smattering of amuse-bouche, and at least one good “scenette” monthly, as conditions allow (a little afternoon delight while the kids are at school or at some sort of daytime function for a couple of hours). The epic type of scenes – the kind that last a few hours and wring every last little bit of pain and pleasure out of you – the kind that turn you into a sated, sweaty, quivering mass of sub-spaced giggling slap-me-happy – those delicious coveted times usually only happen every 4-6 weeks because the kids MUST be at a sleepover and there cannot be a hundred projects going on. We have to plan it and work towards it by clearing the path for it to happen. There are times life interferes and all our plans go up in smoke because someone gets sick or an unexpected event comes up that we must attend. C’est la vie. The demands of our life just don’t afford us the luxury of carving out that amount of time as frequently as we desire. The good news in all of this is that a lot of sexy scene anticipation occurs leading up to it, and that is all part of the fun, because so much of D/s is in the mind.

First things first – about four days or so before I clean our Master bedroom and bath top to bottom and inside-out. I want our haven to be clean and serene. No clutter, dust, laundry, or papers! The last thing I want is to see junk sitting in a pile because that kind of distraction messes with my state of mind and I start worrying about the never ending to-do list. I want to free-fall into submissive head space without the demands of life impeding on our precious time together. Make sure your play space is as sexy and as appealing as you can make it. It’s a fact that the nicer something is the better it’s taken care of. I hate cleaning (because I can be a perfectionist in this area and drive myself crazy) and I could just as soon avoid cleaning altogether. My main motivation to clean anything is 1) the possibility of people coming over and 2) Our playtime. Whatever works, right? Question: Why does the Master bedroom turn into the place where things get hidden from company? Probably because NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THERE!

Helpful Hint: As much as we love our kids, we do not have photos of them in our Master bedroom. WTF, you say? No, really. There are tons of photos of them all over the house, as well as pics of grandmas, grandpas and the rest of the extended family, but not in our bedroom. They are distraction in a room made for love, sex, and play. Come on, do you really want to be tied to the bed post while being flogged and look over to see your sweet little cherub-cheeked angel looking back at you? Not me, thank you very much! That’s a cock blocker and and orgasm deflater. Instead, make sure you have photos of the two of you together (and not the ones with your ugly 80s perm). Photos of the two of you having fun and enjoying each other are good. Make this room your special place. Capice?

About two days out I check on everything we need. This is fairly easy because we always clean up and put things away as soon as possible after we use our toys and equipment. Still, I check to see if any toys need batteries or if I need to replenish any lubes, oils, wax, candles, recovery drinks and supplements, or aftercare items such as arnica or aloe vera gel. I make sure everything is in good condition and that it’s all in its rightful place. I’ll usually rub down all our leather items with leather conditioning cream, too.

We have plenty of special sex towels and wash cloths that we use so I make sure everything has been laundered. Here’s a tip (hotels do this): all the towels and wash cloths that we use for sex are white because they need to get washed and bleached in hot water in order for them to be thoroughly sanitized and clean. You know sex is messy, right? We still have a wipes warmer from the kids’ baby days and I find it’s perfect for keeping about six wash cloths moist and warm for easy clean up after sex. I just run the wash cloths under very hot water, wring them out, roll them up, and put them in the warmer about an hour before we play. Coach lovingly cleans me as part of aftercare and there’s nothing like the feel of soothing warm wash cloths. It makes us feel like we’re flying first class.

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Prince Lionheart Warmies Wipes Warmer.

We also have a super absorbent blanket (squirters can relate to the need for this) and a couple of satin sheets that we drape over the bed so we don’t have to wash our comforter and sheets. Did I mention that sex is messy? Squirting aside, we’ve had some lube accidents a time or two.

The day before I take care of me. I always try to get my Brazilian sugaring done the day before. I don’t wax, I sugar because it is SO MUCH BETTER. I go to an amazing place that that has a lot of kinky clients (it’s where all the strippers go) and the girls there are a hoot! They know I’m a sub, too, so I have the freedom to be open and talk. They’re discreet because their clientele demands it of them. This place is gold! P.S. Coach goes there for his Brazilian sugar as well.

“Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love”

I then make my way over to a little Indian salon to get my eyebrows and upper lip threaded. Women from all walks of life come here to watch whatever Bollywood movie is playing on their big screen and to have their eyebrows expertly shaped to perfection using nothing more than cotton thread! These women get absolutely every little hair and do it so crazy fast that you don’t have time to worry about it hurting. My brows are a breeze for me, but OMG my upper lip makes my eyes well up with tears. I’ve come to find out that it’s the most sensitive part on my body. I went to Sally’s and purchased a numbing agent for my upper lip because it’s the only way I can get through it. I used to wax my upper lip myself, but no product got all of those tiny hairs. Threading is the way to go. Get this, no appointment is necessary and with tip I only pay $15! I have to time this trip carefully because if it’s afternoon on a Friday or any given Saturday they can get crowded. Even with all that demand I’ve never had to wait more than 30 min and I’m done in less than 10. It’s in the perfect location because right across the street is our favorite sex toy store. Don’t you just love convenience?

Yes, that’s me getting threaded. Don’t you dare say a word about my grey roots! Guess where I head to next? Yup, the sex toy store!

If I need to get my hair done then this is the day I do it. See why I need to plan? And you thought it was just making sure the kids got dropped off at their Aunt’s house. Don’t you know me by now?

I like to wait until the day of to get a manicure (if I need it). I cook and do a lot of crafty things at home so my hands take a beating (and you thought it was only my ass) so I try to stay on top of my hands on a daily basis, but I will most certainly get a pedicure. Do you have any idea how much I love a long, spa pedi? Well, you do now. I have a bit of an obsession with keeping my feet super soft (no yucky calluses) and pretty because I live in a very dry climate and if I didn’t take care of them my feet would look like hell, but the pedi is my extra indulgence and Coach allows me plenty of indulgences. Coach will only allow me to use reds or pinks on my nails so I usually do a nude or light pink on my fingernails, but with my toes I go into the super dark reds. Damn, it makes me feel sexy.

I try to take it easy on the day of because I want all my energy. I make sure the night before I go to bed on time so the next day I feel good. In the morning I shave my legs and underarms (I never get those parts sugared) and I make sure I exfoliate everywhere. I put on lotion at this time so my skin is soft. I will drink plenty of water throughout the day and eat really well (no gassy food, know what I mean?). If I can take a nap during the day I will. I’ll take a dip in the tub awhile before, but will not use any lotion at that time. I don’t want to be slippery and I also don’t want competing scents. I put some vanilla essential oil in the bath water because Coach loves that scent on me as it mixes well with my body chemistry. I do my hair the way he requests and he may or may not ask me to put on makeup. I will dress according to his instructions or he may not want me wearing anything at all. I love the excitement of all of this and as I receive his instructions my submission deepens. I may play some music while I’m preparing that will help me relax and focus. We almost always have candles lit for the ambiance and even for the scent. Coach will mix up an energy drink for us as well as make a special recovery drink for the both of us to have on hand. We also make sure we have snacks ready for after play (cut up pineapple and some protein, like chicken).

Apart from all of these preparations, Coach will give me assignments over the weeks and days as well as specific instructions of what he wants. So if he wants wax then I make sure we have everything for wax play. If he wants to add in ice to that play then I make some ice dildos. I bet that got your attention. Do you have any idea how amazing it feels when he goes back and forth between the hot wax and the cold of the ice? I’m squeezing my thighs together just thinking about it.

Can you tell I just ooze with joy at the thought of all of this? We had an amazing time on Valentine’s Day, which was our 26th wedding anniversary. We had a fabulous scene that had me flying all the next day. We are planning out our next scene together and I can’t wait to find out what we’ll be doing. I am already feverish with anticipation.

 

What Does 50 Shades of Grey Have To Do With This Blog?

My stats have been very interesting lately. I’ve been getting over 1000 views per day for the last couple of weeks, but I haven’t been posting much. I can’t help but wonder if the increase in views is due to the release of the movie, Fifty Shades of Grey. I believe it is.

I think that maybe my blog is appealing to many women (and some men) who’ve read the books and are excited about the movie. They’re curious about this lifestyle and my blog seems like a safe place to get some information. If that’s you, welcome! I’m so glad you feel comfortable enough to peruse my writing and hopefully you’ve gotten some valuable insight. I am more than willing to answer any questions I can so I welcome your feedback. I am not an expert, but I have a penchant for research and the ability to weed through the crap that is out there. I’ve also made some wonderful friends along the way and I thoroughly enjoy the network of lifestylers with whom I exchange ideas, thoughts, concerns, and views. We also have plenty of laughs and shared tears. It’s a wonderful support group and I learn so much from them everyday.

I have a local vanilla friend who was(is) a huge Twilight fan and she dared me to read the books. I was directing an improv theater group with an age range of performers from 18-30 and they had all read Twilight. Their jokes went over my head. I read the books and watched the movies as a result. They were an easy distraction from the exhaustion of my autoimmune disease, which was not under control at that time. I was always a very serious reader so this was actually welcome brain candy, and they satisfied the “baby [big] girl/little” in me (just a small facet of my submissive personality – a recent discovery that my friends, Angel and Kayla, have helped me with). Next thing you know, my vanilla friend emailed me the Twilight fanfic – Master of the Universe – the Twific written by E.L. James under the name Snowqueens Icedragon. I laughed and laughed as I read it, but I will admit that it stirred in me a long suppressed desire, which had been trying to flush up for a few years. When the FSOG books came out I read them as well. I had already been [secretly] doing my research into the lifestyle. I needed to reconcile my past with what I had already been feeling since as far back as I could remember.

I was in theater school in NYC in my late teens/early 20s and exposure to alternate lifestyles was common. I knew people from all walks of life. I observed and asked questions. I was curious and had many fantasies. There was a desire in me to be submissive, but I had no idea how to go about it. At 19 I married a man who was kinky and dabbled in BDSM. He was my first real exposure to the lifestyle. This man was heavily into pornography, and not just your regular porn available at a video rental store, but he had access to underground porn. It was obvious that he was grooming me. I submitted to him as a natural part of who I was, but there was never any kind of real protocol between us and I wasn’t even aware that there was a protocol. He wasn’t a sadist, but he was into humiliation and that made me very uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to speak up about it as he made it all part of our sex life. My need to submit overrode my ability to speak up until one night it all came crashing down and it was the beginning of the end. A bad fisting incident, which opened the door to all kinds of marital problems, began four months of separating. Upon reflection I can see that the fisting incident was the catalyst for my submission getting pushed back into the recesses of my mind and heart. I didn’t immediately share the incident with Coach when we met, but once I did during our engagement he never wanted to be compared to my ex and I can totally understand why he felt that way. It held him back. I held myself back. It hurt us and we didn’t know how to fully express ourselves.

The reason I’m sharing all of this with you is because I take my submission and my D/s relationship with my husband seriously and the people I know involved in the lifestyle take theirs seriously as well. We have gone through so many growing pains and have had to peel back layers and layers of learned behavior and error. We’ve uncovered insecurities as well as strengths and have found our footing over time. We grow everyday because we put in the work everyday. I submitted to Coach for close to a year and didn’t ask him to be my Dominant. I simply had the need to submit (you can read about it here). Please understand that the foundation of Dominance and submission doesn’t have to be sexual. D/s is an intimacy between two people who have the need to exist in their roles fully and completely with another person, which may or may not include any form of sexual contact. D/s relationships do not have to include S&M either, but can easily factor in. Each couple is unique in how they interact with one another. Unfortunately, you can go online and think you HAVE  to do this or that because there are many out there that think they have arrived and have some kind of perfect formula or their way is the right way to do it and everyone else is wrong. There is no right or wrong dynamic as long as both people involved are fully aware of the risks and have given their free-will consent to any and all activities, which is the first step in establishing proper protocol in any D/s relationship. The pillars of a D/s relationship are trust and communication because it exposes and reveals.

It’s very important to know that you cannot make someone something they are not already. Yes, your husband/wife may show Dominant or submissive tendencies, but it doesn’t mean they are one. He or she may just want to be service Top or bottom and all activities are confined to the bedroom or playroom and outside of that environment you live your lives they way you normally do. That arrangement is perfectly acceptable if it works for you, but to engage in a D/s or M/s dynamic 24/7 is something else entirely and FSOG is a piss-poor example of what that entails.

The FSOG books are not about a D/s relationship or BDSM. FSOG is a sexed-up, kinky romance novel using D/s and BDSM as a means of satisfying the author’s curiosity in the lifestyle and to envision herself being tied down and spanked by Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen/Christian Grey. There’s nothing wrong that and I personally think Rob is hot and if there was ever a time that Rob Pattinson could be a Top for me in a situation that Coach controlled I would totally go for it.

So people, as you go see FSOG this weekend please take it all with a grain of salt. Don’t go running off seeking a Dominant or a submissive with a BDSM contract you downloaded in your hand. Please respect the people in this lifestyle and the hard choices that are made everyday to live the life we desire with integrity and dignity. Please don’t try to make your husband/fiance/girlfriend/whatever your Dominant or submissive because I’ve seen first hand how that can backfire on you. Relationships really can break up from this or suffer terribly. This is not a game. If you really feel like you are called to be a Dominant or submissive then read some good books on the subject and do your research. Live as a Dominant or submissive for a while (without a partner or requesting anything of your current partner) to make sure you are who you say you are. Resist the urge to get caught up in Dom or sub frenzy. And would-be Doms, please don’t you dare go around demanding that people call you Sir or Master because you’ve got a ways to go before you’re entitled to hear those titles. Your money, career, stature, physical ability, intelligence, lineage, or background do not make you a Dom or Master and there is a difference between being Domineering (Hello, Christian Grey?) and being a Dominant. Now, if you and your partner want to engage in some kinky exploration to spice up your sex life, go for it! Just make sure you follow some simple safety guidelines, which you can find here.

Well, that’s my 2 cents. Enjoy my blog, enjoy the movie, and enjoy each other. Below are some links to get you started down the right path to understanding this lifestyle in a more informed way than a fanfic trilogy ever could.

Domination and submission Radio with Michael Makai

Submissive Guide

Dominant Guide

 

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/10/fetish-lovers-fifty-shades-of-grey-stonewall-moment

Hide Your Bondage Gear In Plain Sight

Well this caught my eye as I was on HGTV.com checking out 10 Creative Ways to Use Household Items As Curtain Hardware. This just made me laugh and laugh! Thank you HGTV…the new BDSM network! See, decorating is sexy. What other ways can we come up with to put that gear out there in the open for all to enjoy?

Fun With Fantasy

Last week we had a little fun. I was asked to dress like a secretary and I really got into my role. It looked a little something like this:

He wanted to know why I came to his office and I said that I wanted a raise. I didn’t have the necessary skills for a raise so I had to be taught some lessons in office etiquette and secretarial skills. I stayed in character. See what happens when you spend thousands of dollars going to a top acting school in New York instead of college? Money well spent!

This Saturday I have been asked to make a different appearance as a cowgirl. I’m still putting my costume together, but hopefully, if I find some chaps, it will look a little something like this:

If I can’t find chaps inexpensively (because I’m not ready to invest unless I know this gal will be paying him some more visits), I’ll just wear some Daisy-Dukes with a cut out crotch! I think I need to be hog-tied, don’t ‘cha think? Yeah, that’ll do it. Maybe some branding?

Any other ideas, guy and gals, for a little role-play fun? Any costume ideas? What do you like to do?

Taking Myself To Task!

This started out as another Lessons in Submission post about not making excuses, but as I started searching online for supplemental material I came across a post called 6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive over at Dominance by Design. It’s a practical guide for the Dominant on how to work the D/s dynamic and can really help a submissive understand and respect a Dominant’s position.

This perspective really took me to task and helped me examine my ways. I’m not saying I’m a bratty sub, but I’m a work in progress. My Sir and I are in this together, and if I claim to own my submission (which I have), then my responsibility is to not allow myself to get ruined! Why make his job harder? What good would that do me? There are so many yummy things we could be doing than to have to deal with inappropriate behavior from me!

Let me know what you think and remember to go give a pat on the back to The Artful Dominate for his wonderful post.

6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

A submissive doesn’t come with an instruction manual and there’s no such thing as a perfect dominant. You can read every lifestyle book you can get your hands on, talk to other Doms, and attend lifestyle workshops.  Yet you can still be left with a nagging feeling that you don’t always get it exactly right.

Perhaps you know lots of the DOs when it comes to the training and care of a submissive but have you ever wished you had a list of the DON’Ts? Even if you think you’re doing your best, sometimes it might not be enough. Take a look at this list of six sure-fire ways to spoil your submissive.

Six dominant mistakes that will spoil your submissive and can ruin your relationship.

1.  Give in – No matter what your submissive wants, she gets it.  Whether it’s that shiny new sex toy she found online or letting her off the hook for that chore she just really hates or making it a habit to give her all the things she wants done to her, giving her everything she asks for is the breeding ground for a spoiled, indulged, and coddled brat who will soon learn that she can always get her way by manipulating you with her emotions.  Especially in D/s relationships, it isn’t uncommon for a Dom to fall in love with his submissive.  There isn’t anything wrong with that.  Personally I wouldn’t wish to own a girl who didn’t give me reasons to fall in love with her.  But the danger you have to guard against is subordinating the power exchange dynamic by treating your relationship more as a romantic arrangement between equals .  Doing so creates a lukewarm, superficial dominant/submissive relationship that in the end won’t likely satisfy either of you.  There is nothing wrong with granting her requests occasionally, rewarding her for good service, and doing those little things she enjoys that make her feel happy from time to time.  However, a submissive also needs regular reminders of who and what her position and role in the relationship is.

What to do instead:  When you agree to let her have that new sex toy she is coveting or to indulge her desire for that special activity in the bedroom she really likes, link it to something she has done recently to please you.  In other words make it a reward for good service and let her feel she has earned it.  Doing that will prevent her from developing a sense of entitlement and will instead cultivate in her a firm understanding that she doesn’t own you, you own her.  This will help her grow in her submission.

2.  Don’t Discipline – If your submissive acts out, breaks the rules, fails to complete a chore or assignment according to your expectations, or says or does something disrespectful, you can’t overlook it and do nothing.  Lack of discipline in a dominance/submissive relationship often stems again from seeing your partner more as your wife or girlfriend than as your submissive.  It is quite natural to find it hard and even to loathe having to discipline someone you love, so many dominants are disinclined to administer corrective discipline even when it is clearly warranted.  They rationalize it by convincing themselves that discipline either is a negative thing that doesn’t really work or else that their submissive doesn’t need it.  This fosters in a submissive the belief that there are never any consequences for bad behavior.That kind of situation can lead to serious problems in your relationship.  Just as children thrive with boundaries and rules of behavior, so does a submissive.  The need to have firmly established boundaries is something most submissive women need to feel safe, secure, and protected.  Many times they will intentionally act out not because they just feel like misbehaving but to test the boundaries to make certain they are still firmly in place.  In the absence of consequences for bad behavior, the line between good and bad can become blurred or seem non-existent and a submissive can start to feel insecure and unprotected.

What to do instead: Set clear and consistent rules and consequences for your submissive.  Make certain that she clearly understands your expectations as to what she is to do and how she is to behave.  If she acts out you need to Dom up and mete out appropriate corrective discipline.  It doesn’t always have to be corporal punishment.  That can be effective and timely but some submissive women enjoy things like OTK spanking and so in such cases using that for discipline wouldn’t be very effective.  Taking away a privilege she enjoys can be in such cases much more effective.  Do remember to talk with her and to make certain she understands why she is being disciplined and don’t go overboard.  Make certain the punishment fits the crime.
3.  Always Make Excuses for Them – When a submissive makes a mistake or breaks a rule perhaps not intentionally but out of negligence, it is always a temptation for a Dom to feel partly responsible.  I think is quite normal for a Dom like anyone in a leadership position of any kind to feel that he has failed too whenever a subordinate fails.  Perhaps I didn’t communicate the rule or expectation clearly enough or  I didn’t do an adequate job of training her.  We want to believe in our submissive and feel like she always gives one hundred-percent effort and does her best.  This can lead us to rationalize, to make excuses for her, perhaps to even blame ourselves and take upon ourselves the responsibility for her mistake or error.  While we all want to have confidence in our submissive girls, turning a blind eye to their transgressions or living in denial is not the answer.  You must make your submissive understand she is not above the rules and that even unintentional mistakes when due to negligence have repercussions.
What to do instead: If your submissive makes a mistake due to carelessness, negligence, or purposely disregards a rule or to meet an expectation, take the appropriate corrective action, impose discipline if it is warranted.  Do explain what she did wrong and make certain she understands why she is being disciplined so she doesn’t end up feeling you are being unfair or unreasonable.  If however, she makes an honest mistake, a situation where she was neither clearly carelessness or negligent, then perhaps instead of discipline just sitting her down and talking it out may adequately take care of the situation.  The goal is always to keep her from repeating the same mistakes over and over regardless of what the causative factors were. Oftentimes, just knowing she has disappointed you might reduce her to tears and it can seem that she has punished herself enough for a misdeed.  But as mentioned earlier in the discussion about corrective discipline, don’t hesitate to use it when a situation clearly calls for it.
4.  Don’t Push Her Limits – If I had to pick out the most critical responsibility that every Dom has toward a submissive, it would be to ensure that he creates an environment where she can grow in her submission.  Growth in the lifestyle is best affected by helping her to push her limits and expand her boundaries.  Especially with novice submissive women, quite often they come into the lifestyle with a veritable laundry list of limits both soft and hard, things she is either reluctant or simply unwilling to try.  Many of those limits are due to lack of understanding, lack of confidence, lack of experience, or feeling intimidated by the very thought of trying some activities.  Since D/s is always consensual, limits must always be respected.  A submissive should never be coerced or forced to participate in an activity that she has disclosed as a limit, but especially when it comes to soft limits, they do need to be pushed.  When a submissive says some activity is a soft limit, she isn’t saying she absolutely won’t ever do the activity under any circumstances.  She is saying not yet or that she needs for you to discuss it with her before she is asked to do it.  Thus, soft limits are especially fertile ground for expanding her boundaries and helping her to grow.  If her Dom never encourages her to push her limits, she won’t grow, at least efficiently and perhaps it may prevent her from every realizing her real potential.  She can become too comfortable with the status quo and even become resistant to attempting what is necessary to grow.
What to do instead:  It is important and proper to want you submissive to tell you what interests her and so you need to ask her that very early on but never be satisfied with her just giving you a lengthy list of all the things she wants done to her.  If she is reluctant to even discuss trying things that she finds a little intimidating or scary that you need from a relationship then perhaps this lifestyle isn’t really for her.  She needs to have a desire to grow and a willingness to do what is needed to experience it.  But perhaps even more importantly you need to have the will to encourage her to try new things so she can grow.
5.  Set a Bad Example – Some days a submissive may not feel all that submissive and likewise some days a Dom doesn’t feel like exercising dominance.  That is just human nature but as the leader, the guiding force in the relationship, a Dom just can’t ignore his responsibility to provide guidance, supervision, and training just because it has been a hectic week at the office or he has a lot of other things on his plate and feels tired.  Just as you have expectations of your submissive like following rules and meeting needs you have, she has needs to be met and expectations of you as well.  You should always strive to lead by example.  Not living up to your responsibilities to her and the relationship sets a bad example.  If you don’t fulfill your responsibilities on a consistent basis, if you don’t keep your word, if you make excuses, if you talk the dominant talk but don’t walk the walk, your actions will speak louder than words.  You’re wrong if you think your submissive isn’t paying attention.  If she senses you don’t take your responsibilities seriously she is likely to mimic your behavior if exposed to it frequently.
What to do instead: Resolve to be a model example in front of your submissive.  Don’t let competing interests prevent you from addressing the needs of your submissive and from giving the relationship the consistent attention it deserves.
6.  Not Being Engaged – Choosing to make a habit of working late when you don’t have to over getting home regularly in time for dinner, being irritable or short with her when she has done nothing wrong, or just plain ignoring your submissive are all examples of not being fully engaged.  A submissive woman needs to feel valued.  She needs reassurance that she is pleasing and useful.  She needs a consistent conduit through which she can express her submissive nature by obediently serving and pleasing her Dom.  Her gift of submission earns her the right to feel you consider her worthy of your attention, respect, and affection.  A submissive can’t feel centered, safe, and protected if neglected.  She is likely to become dissatisfied, unhappy, and even depressed.
What to do instead: Even if you’ve got a packed work schedule or other matters that require your attention, don’t neglect your submissive or the relationship.  Aim to schedule regular blocks of time dedicated to her.  Watch a movie together and allow her to revel in occupying her humble place at your feet.  Allow her to pleasure you sexually.  She needs your engagement.  She needs you to teach her what she must do, how she must behave, and most importantly she needs you to remind her who and what she really is, your valued possession.
Image courtesy of kenfotos / FreeDigitalPhotos.net