Come On Baby, Make It Hurt So Good: An Impact Play Guide

So you’re interested in impact play? Spanking, flogging, caning, and whipping has you intrigued. Maybe you’ve played around a bit, but now you want to get serious. I can totally relate, but you need to know a few things first. Whether you’re an expert or newbie, the rules remain the same and just winging it isn’t the smartest thing to do and as a matter of fact, is dangerous. Let me first give a warning: If you think impact play is an excuse to beat the shit out of your girlfriend and get away with it because you use the excuse that it’s “consensual, ” you’re a criminal that needs to be locked up in jail as this moron will soon find out:

I am not an expert by any stretch, but I have an awful lot of common sense, a hefty dose of street smarts, and have cultivated a knowledge base over the last three years because we rely on the advice of others who have climbed this mountain and have years and years of training, mentoring, and real life experience. If you’re going to do this then do it right so it can be the amazing experience you’ve always dreamed it to be.

OK, let’s get started. Before you jump in and start smacking you need to read up. Yes, you’re going to have to READ so stop being lazy about it and do your homework. A good place to start is with the following very interesting article that some of you may take issue with and find controversial, but I exhort you to take what the author is saying into consideration: Facts and Myths About BDSM Safety

Now that we have that out of the way (and feel free to bring it up in comments), here are the areas you will need to understand:

1) What is Impact Play

BDSM 101 — Impact Play

2) RACK, SSC, 4Cs

From “SSC” and “RACK” to the “4Cs”: Introducing a new Framework for Negotiating BDSM Participation

3) Negotiation

The Seductive Art of Negotiation

Private Duty: Negotiation

4) Safe Words

Sex Communication Tactic Derived from S&M #2: Safewords and Check-Ins 

When safe words are ignored

5) Consent

CONSENT and BDSM: The State of the Law

6) How, when, and where to strike

BDSM Basics: Impact Play Safe Zones and Spanking Tips

7) Endorphins

Know the science behind those wonderful feel good hormones:

A step-by-step guide to achieving subspace through impact play:

A relatively unknown condition called “Endorphin Shock”

8) First Aid (It is also a good idea for Dom and sub to get certified in first aid and CPR)

BDSM medical advice

Submissive Guide has a free printable for easy reference called Physical Aftercare and First Aid Quick Reference that you can download.

Beyond Whips and Chains: What Medical Students Need to Know About BDSM

Going to the Doctor with Kink-Related Marks or Bruises

First Aid for Bruises, Abrasions and Other After Play Marks

9) Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Caring for Yourself After a Scene: Self-Aftercare

As you can see, there’s so much that goes into impact play. Start off slow and make sure you are with someone you can truly trust, and even then, take every reasonable and necessary precaution. You are not in competition with anyone and it’s perfectly fine to be a beginner at this. As a matter of fact, you gain tons of cool points if you lean towards the side of caution.

On a personal note, I encourage both Dom and sub to workout and stretch on a regular basis. You have to take care of your body if you’re going to engage in impact play. There is a connection between your mind and body that needs to be practiced regularly, but if you’re sedentary or even just mildly active it’s too easy for a disconnect to happen. If your body is not used to pushing itself physically you may have some very unpleasant experiences during impact play. Training on a regular basis also teaches your body how to recover as it gets used to getting hormones back to normal after surges.

Be healthy, be smart, and enjoy!

XO ~ Elle

Set Yourself Up for Success, Part 1


A new year is upon us and many of you are planning on making a new year’s resolution. Some people make the same resolution every single year, but within one or two weeks the enthusiasm dies and the resolution fizzles out and then gets tucked away in the failure file. Hands down, the number one new year’s resolution is to lose weight ( I know, I’ve been there and I discovered how to change that failure file to a success file. I actually consulted a very expensive and highly sought after expert in this field who has over 30 years of professional experience. Um, yeah…I finally submitted to my Dom, who happens to be my husband, who happens to be a real-deal expert. It was a major act of submission on my part two years ago and was a turning point in our D/s relationship. I had “allowed” him to train me on and off through all these years, but holy crap could I ever fight him on it. Can you believe that? I must have been on crack. This is a man who is 56 and looks 36 (no joke) and has been working out non-stop since he was 13. In other words, when I was still wiping the snot from my nose at 6 he had determined he was going to be the quarterback for his high school football team and worked toward that goal and did it! He learned how to workout and set and accomplish goals through the mentorship of his older brother, who at that time was wrestling for an Ivy League school and was a champion power lifter. So, that being said, I’m here to help you help yourself through some major lessons I learned and that Coach knows because he sees this everyday. He wouldn’t be the successful trainer he is if he didn’t have a proven success rate.

Do you want to really know why you have problems losing weight?

1. You set goals based on emotions and not logic or “The crazy-ass loop of crap lodged in your heart is on auto play all day long and you don’t want to let it go” (Sing that song and I punch you)

2. Your Ego or “You know better and will do it your way because you think you’re Frank fucking Sinatra”  (Tales of The Rat and The Brat Pack)

3. You do not plan, organize, and  prepare properly or “Yes you do and you have 3 junk drawers to prove it, so there!” (Maybe a touch of Martha Stewart wouldn’t hurt, after all)

4. You are an emotional masochist or “You beat yourself up when you fail so no one else has to” (Step away from the flogger. I repeat, step away from the flogger)

#1. Your weight loss goal is emotion based and not logic based. You trick yourself into thinking you’ll capitalize on a renewed desire and enthusiasm and this time you’ll finally do it. You make a grand declaration to yourself and exclaim “I’m going to lose these 20 lbs once and for all” and then vow to never eat anything bad and to exercise every single day. Liar, liar, pants on fire. You know damned well you can’t live like that. There is nothing wrong with enthusiasm, desire, zeal, and excitement, but life will happen to you and can easily dampen the best of intentions. If you only get motivated based on an emotional high you will fail because that’s too much of a roller coaster ride. Your emotions are telling you that it’s possible to lose 20 lbs in one month because you did it once or your neighbor’s co-workers sister’s UPS delivery driver lost 20 lbs by drinking only carrot juice and then getting on an elliptical machine for 90 minutes every frickin day so you’ve decided that you will do the same. Inside, logically, you know it’s ridiculous, but you think it may actually work if you can just keep it up for a month and then once you lose that weight you really won’t go back to how you were before because you’ll be so inspired by the weight loss that you will move forward like a bad-ass. Don’t deny it.

In order to set a goal you have to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you ready for a bitter pill? Say “Aah” because I’m about to cram it down your throat. First, some of you need to stop saying you have to lose about 20 lbs! You probably have to lose a minimum of 40 lbs. I know I hit a nerve, but I’ve been there and I know I’m not the only one. Stay with me on this. It’s hard to admit the truth to yourself, but that’s the only way you can break through. It hurts and it sucks, but it’s reality and you have to deal with it, just know you’re not alone and you can break through and do this.

There is a monologue going on inside you that is caught on a loop in your heart. Yes, your heart, not your head, because this is emotionally charged. Below is an example of what I’m talking about and it is a reality for so many of us. We grab hold of a feeling that struck a chord with us once upon a time and it has been directing our lives for all these years. Hint – as you read, watch for the “20 lbs” that keeps making an appearance and see if you can tell why you keep going back to that number.

This morning you got on your new digital scale (the one that you weighed yourself on at your best friend’s house when you visited her last summer and you were 5 lbs lighter than your stupid scale at home, the one your husband obviously broke because he was using it to weigh care packages for soldiers for the elementary school’s  annual drive) and weighed in at 175 lbs. Your driver’s license says you’re 135 lbs. You were actually 155 lbs when you got that license, but you still had 20 lbs of baby weight, which was supposed to come off when you were nursing, even though you weened your youngest eight years ago when he was 6 months old because that stupid job you had wasn’t making it easy for you to pump at work, and maybe if you were able to nurse for a full year you would have lost the stupid baby weight. Your husband is always telling you your curves are sexy, but you see him looking at thinner women so you don’t really believe him. You actually think you looked your best when you weighed 115 lbs, and even though you tell everyone 135 lbs is your idea weight you secretly wish you weighed 115 lbs so then you could finally have enough guts to wear a bikini like your best friend can, even though your best friend weighs about 150 lbs. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her, but you were always a lot thinner than her growing up. You were 115 lbs your senior year in college and that weight has been stuck in your head for the last 26 years as your ideal weight even though you were only that weight because you had the flu and lost 10 lbs from puking and then another 10 lbs because you got sick again after eating Chinese food that was sitting out all night, which is the main reason why you refuse to go anywhere near pork lo mein (or pork) to this day. Once you recovered from the seemingly non-stop puking for a month (some people rudely thought you were pregnant) you immediately gained those 20 lbs back during finals when you lived on Tastkake and coffee (it’s an east coast thing). Somehow your roommate took an amazing photo of you when you weighed 118 lbs (3 lbs was bloat because you had just gotten your period). Since college you’ve gone up and down 20 lbs and can be anywhere from 125 lbs (the summer you did Atkins and stuck with it, but then it got cold out and the 20 lbs crept back on by Christmas) to 155 lbs. Right now you’d be happy getting back down to 155 lbs. It’s shocking to see 175 lbs on the scale. Once you got into your 40s it wasn’t so easy to drop 10 lbs with a modified version of the Scarsdale diet your mother used to lose 10 lbs quickly. But if you can just lose 20 lbs you’d feel so much better and be the real weight you were when you got that license because when you look at the photos you still looked pretty good. After that it should be easy to get back down to 135 lbs and you’ll be on a roll. What’s another 20 lbs, right? You need to lose 20 lbs.

You are an expert at sales and marketing. You sold yourself an image of yourself that wasn’t a true portrayal of you and have been buying into it for years. You keep looking in your mind’s mirror and seeing your 115 lbs self. I bet you looked really cute in those jeans, but come on, you were what 21? You were barely a woman and women’s bodies change and mature. You are a mature woman now, but you look at yourself through immature eyes, even childish eyes. Your Husband/Dom/Boyfriend/Partner sees the real you and doesn’t buy your bull so why are you spending your emotional currency on it. Those are hard earned dollars that you are wasting. Please understand that I can write this because I used to have a loop in my head and bought into my own advertising campaign. My loop is different than this one, but I’ve spoken with a lot of women over the years and I’ve heard all the stories and Coach has, too. You have to break free from your emotional loop because it’s keeping you from setting and logically working toward your goal. You have to write out your loop (which will sound like a very funny one-woman show) and not mince words with yourself. Spill your shit to yourself. Read what’s really there and see if you have a pattern. I bet my bottom dollar that there is mostly likely a pattern and when you recognize the pattern you can change. Honesty is your first step. Come on, laugh at yourself, own what’s going on, so you can finally move forward.

Read about why we make decisions based on emotions. Here’s a great site. Check it out if only for The Big Bang Theory video:

P.S. If you have medical issues that are keeping you from losing weight, then you MUST consult an expert. Everyone should consult their doctor before undertaking any diet and/or physical fitness program. Safe, Sane, and Consensual works here, too. Take all reasonable and necessary precautions, use your head, and make sure you have the consent of your Dom or whomever else needs to be your partner in this life change. Yes, you have to change your life…all of it…and not for one month just to lose 20 lbs. Go back and read it again.

To be continued…

Paying The P.R.I.C.E.

Steps Towards Healing From Emotional Injury


We all experience emotional pain and trauma at one time or another. We get beat up by life simply by being a living, breathing entity on this earth. We also get emotionally wounded by family, friends, associations, or even total strangers. It doesn’t really matter who’s dishing it out because one word can stick with you and even send you over the edge of the cliff without you realizing. Even a stranger’s word can be the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. Poor camel, poor you. We carry a lot of burdens on our backs and shoulders and many are completely unnecessary. We really don’t have to be all things to all people, we just have to be true to ourselves. I choose to make a daily affirmation of submitting my power over to my God, and second, my Dom. I am not in charge of the universe, therefore, I choose to submit to the Power that is in charge of the universe and hand over my very life. My Dom is in charge of my daily guidance and how I walk out my life and he has the final word on how we live day to day.

Coach and I have had several talks recently about how I process emotional pain and how it can be managed before it escalates into a meltdown or even a fit of anger. I’m like a pressure cooker; everything goes into the pot, the lid is sealed tightly, and it all heats up and stews. My thoughts and feelings seem neatly contained in my pot and no one, including me, is aware that the pressure has become too much for me to handle. On the outside I am calm, but at some point I am not capable of keeping it in any longer and I blow my top. I can either have a panicky meltdown, get very angry, or put up walls and get self-protective.

Coach and I talked about how we can better manage my emotions and catch and deal with my escalation before I ever get to that point of no return. We both agree that letting me go from A to V without intervention is asking for trouble because if I’m at V then I’m already in the home stretch to Z and some serious momentum has been built up. We realize that I need to be reeled in at  D, and at the very latest P, if intervention is going to have an affect. A Dom needs to recognize the warning signs that lead up to a sub’s emotional unraveling. If you’ve been with someone long enough you should know their signs and be able to intervene before some damage is done. If you’ve lived long enough you should  also be able to recognize your own signs and be able to be proactive and ask for help. It takes intentional habitual practice to recognize early warning signs of the emotional unravel. You have to invest in yourself and your Dom has to be fully invested in you in order to effectively help. I found some great resources that can help with recognizing and managing your emotional triggers:

Outsmart Your Brain – Mind Growing Programs for Leaders

Unraveling Emotional Triggers

There are also a few things that can be done to help when emotions are triggered and is especially important to apply if you do go over the edge and it’s called P.R.I.C.E.

Some of you have been taught R.I.C.E. as the acronym used for treating a physical injury, such as a twisted ankle or a sprained shoulder. The P has been added by experts not too long ago and is a very necessary component. So what does P.R.I.C.E. for:

P – Protection
R – Rest
I – Ice
C – Compression
E – Elevation

The same way you use these procedures to treat a physical injury can be used to treat an emotional injury.

P – Protection – The first principle is protection. The purpose of protection is to avoid further injury to the area by protecting the injured structures. The type of protection used varies depending on the injured area but may include an ace bandage, aluminum splint, sling, protective tape, or over-the-counter brace.

The same principle applies to an emotional injury. The best example I can give is a recent situation where Coach became my temporary crutch. I needed to lean on him because I was just too weak to stand on my own. Your sub will need your hand, your shoulder, and your arms to help her stand. Let her lean on you.

R – Rest – The purpose of resting is to allow the body’s own healing processes to naturally occur without being impeded by movement of the injured area.

It wouldn’t have helped me to just not blog for a day, but recently, Coach imposed a three week blogging break on me so I could remove myself and gain some perspective. My focus was wrong and I needed to rest and process. During those three weeks I did take the time to physically rest as well. Emotions are taxing on the body and you may need extra sleep and to not be as busy so you can build up your strength.

I – Ice – Icing is most effective in the immediate period following an injury. The effect of icing diminishes significantly after about 48 hours.

Ice for emotional injury is just as important and should be applied immediately. In this case, a cooling off period needs to occur. How to you bring down a heated emotional situation? Stay cool and calm. Your sub needs you to keep your cool so she can reduce that immediate emotional inflammation.

C – Compression – When the ice pack is removed, a compression wrap should be applied to the injured area. The compression wrap serves as a mechanical barrier so that swelling is minimized in the injured area. There are a number of compression wraps available on the market, but the most commonly used is an elastic or ace bandage.

I think most of us in the BDSM world can understand that having those bindings on (rope, leather straps, silk ribbon) can have a very calming effect on a sub, but even just lots and lots of hugging and touching works like a compression wrap and can reduce further emotional swelling.

E – Elevate – Elevating your injured foot or ankle above the level of your heart reduces the pull of gravity. Your heart doesn’t have to work as hard, and blood is less likely to pool in your lower limbs and make them swell. Reducing the pressure of the extra fluid can alleviate pain as well.

How do you elevate your injured sub? With lots and lots of words of comfort and letting her know how wonderful and special she is. Let her see clearly in your eyes her good qualities. More than likely she feels lower than low and she needs you to reinforce her worth. Elevate her heart so she can soar again.

Therapy Spanking

I’m not talking about Domestic Discipline, Take in Hand, punishment, or an erotic prelude. I’m talking about spanking as a means of catharsis, healing, and stress relief.

Last week I received a spanking that helped me connect and center myself. It calmed me and put my mind at ease. It had nothing to do with showing me who’s in charge, correcting an action, or as a start to some playtime. The spanking was a way for us to draw closer on a primal level. We often ignore that side of ourselves and label it dark and dirty. Your primal self doesn’t mean evil and it doesn’t mean uncivilized, either. Your primal instincts are purely about feelings on the most basic level and not disguising all of your feelings with years of layers designed to keep people from seeing your core. The problem occurs when we cannot even see our own core anymore. We lose sight of who we really are, and most times, before we ever find out in the first place.

I have come to realize that spanking immediately opens me up and helps me think about what lives inside me and my deepest, darkest desires. Bringing your desires into the light isn’t about turning something bad into something good (what we think is bad can easily be imposed restrictions based on fear) or even about being able to see everything clearly (although that is certainly part of it). Admitting your darkest desires just means you can truly live with yourself.

Back to therapy spanking…

Frequent non-sexual spanking are one of my darkest desires…

To have genuine and complete catharsis…

To release…

To be vulnerable…

To trust…

To connect…

To be free.

Further Sources:

Raquel ~Total Beauty and Fitness

I was going through a box of sheets and pillow cases shoved into the back of my closet this morning when I found at the bottom of that box some old VHS videos that somehow got stored in the box. What do I discover? My old Raquel Welch yoga video! I was so excited that I actually squealed because I thought it was long gone. However, our VHS player is what is long gone so there’s no way to play it. I jumped on Amazon to see if I could buy a DVD, but they didn’t have anything. Then I Googled it and found the YouTube video…Yay!

This video came out in 1984 when I was in acting school in NYC. I used to do it everyday, sometimes twice a day…religiously! I was attending dance classes in NY as well as the required movement classes at school and was extremely flexible. I have a few yoga DVDs on my shelf, but they never inspired me the way this one did.

I haven’t done it in a long time and really can’t tell you why I stopped. Well, I think maybe I can since I’m mulling it over. It just may be that this video turns me on because it TURNS ME ON! It’s not an attraction to Raquel that I feel, but the way she oozes a confidence and seductiveness that I would like to possess. I used to feel so sexy after doing this video. All my other friends were doing Jane Fonda, but Raquel was my girl! She’s sexy, curvy, strong, kittenish, and campy.

I think during the years when my sexuality started shutting down my desire to do anything sensual shut down with it. I remember putting this video on only twice a week and then once a week and then…never. I was a total hottie and should have been proud of myself, but it brought me too much attention and that attention made me nervous because I didn’t know how to handle it. Well, I do now and I’m proud of me! I will start again TODAY and enjoy my sensual ride. Maybe I’ll even do the video naked with my smartballs, and possibly my butt plug, nicely inserted. Why the hell not? I want to own who I am and how I feel. By the way, I believe it was the exercises in this video that gave me a teeny-tiny waist so I’m going to go back at it with a fervor because summer will be here soon.

Love you, Raquel. I hope to look like you when I’m your age because you’re timeless!

Personality Traits of a Profound Submissive

*UPDATE* 5/17/15*

I am so happy to say that I found the original author on FetLife. His name is MasterDane and he has since renamed this work Traits of an Extreme Submissive Personality. I am delighted to repost this (with his permission, of course…thank you, Sir). You can see his original work here


I found this a while back on another blog that I have since lost so sorry that I cannot give credit. Tell me what you think. Any to add? Remove? Which ones do you relate to?

Personality Traits of a profound submissive

The ways in which I spot a profound submissive who is not aware of what she is yet:

  • She is very sensitive to my moods, body language, and tone of voice. She is very sensitive to criticism.
  • She has a child-like presence.
  • She is eager to please me and eager to follow my suggestions.
  • She is sexually aroused/fascinated by my dominant presence.
  • She turns to me as an authority/advisor when she has personal questions.
  • She says something’s been missing in all her previous relationships.
  • She finds herself becoming anxious coping with everyday life on her own.
  • She says she feels as if she’s putting on a mask or role as an adult, an employee, a boss, a parent.
  • She’s a nurturer, often being a customer service agent, a nurse, a caregiver of some kind.
  • She takes on guilt that doesn’t belong to her; she tries to fix everyone’s problems.
  • She feels that often people are able to take advantage of her giving nature.
  • She admits to having put up powerful emotional barriers because people can hurt her so easily.
  • She finds it generally hard to trust people, but paradoxically wants very badly to trust me. Conversely, she may be much too trusting in a child-like way and keeps getting hurt.
  • She has always felt oddly out of place and “different” from others. She may even feel there is something wrong with her.
  • From a young age she has found pleasure in serving others; being a good hostess, doing as she’s told, remembering everyone’s birthdays, being everyone’s shoulder to cry on and everyone’s helpmate.
  • She finds it difficult to resist authority or aggressive behavior; she may have been picked on by bullies all her life.

Sensation Play

I just LOVE sensation play and there are so many wonderful and fun options available. One just needs to have a little imagination and some patience because sensation, whether you’re adding or modify sensations or denying sensations, is best practiced slowly and carefully in order for the submissive to have a thorough experience. It’s a delicious feeling to be tortured in such a way.

I have searched the world-wide-web to see if I could find any site or anyone that uses my favorite form of sensation play and came up absolutely empty-handed. There’s not a hint of it out there! Could I actually be a pioneer in the BDSM community? Can I ask such a bold question? Hell, yeah, of course I can. Yay, me!

I have combined one of my favorite skin-exfoliating/cellulite-minimizing/skin-tightening/cell-renewing/get the blood circulating/toxin-eliminating/immune system-building/Cleopatra probably used this ‘ish techniques with BDSM play! I’m so happy I’m doing a little happy dance right now. Come on, do it with me. Do a little happy dance in your seat. Life is fun…Yay, you!

Do you know what this is?

It’s a DRY BRUSH and it’s one of my all-time favorite items.
This is a must-have in your toy box.

You can find dry brushes at any health food store and at most major retailers, like Target or and they’re inexpensive ($8.00-$15.00 average), which is good because you may need to buy one every six weeks or so, depending on how often you use it. A dry brush MUST have natural bristles (sisal, bamboo, vegetable fiber, or soft boar). Make sure you get one with a long handle in order to reach all areas of your body (when using it on yourself) and that it also has a detachable head with a strap for your Dom’s hand when he uses it on you. You never use synthetic bristles so don’t cheap out and think you can get away with a Dollar Store special. Nothing but the best for your skin.

There are many benefits to dry brushing so my advice is for the ladies (and gentlemen because you need to look good too) to incorporate dry brushing into your daily routine (5 times a week is optimal) and then for Doms to incorporate dry brushing into at least one play session a month because it’s a wonderful way to arouse and pamper her at the same time, especially if she’s been a good girl and deserves a reward.

An entire dry brushing session takes only 10 minutes, if you’re doing it before a shower or bath, and probably 15 minutes if you’re using it during sensation play. I will be detailing instructions for using your lovely dry brush both ways.

Some health information first:

Lymph is a part of our body’s immune system and is made of white blood cells called lymphocytes and the interstitial fluid that bathe our cells, bringing our cells nutrients and removing their waste. Our skin plays a vital role in ridding our bodies of toxins and impurities. Dry brushing is one of the best techniques to open up the pores of the skin, and to stimulate and detoxify the lymphatic system. Our circulatory system has its own pump (our heart) to move blood through our bodies but our lymphatic system does not and it primarily relies on our movement to assist it. Typically, the more active we are physically the better condition our lymphatic systems will be.

  • Skin is the largest body organ you have. In the average adult it covers about 3000 square inches and weighs around six pounds, which is nearly twice the weight of the human brain or liver.
  • The skin receives about one third of the blood that circulates through the body.
  • The skin can regenerate and repair itself under most conditions, but it does need good building blocks to help with this task.
  • Our skin is the first agent that comes in contact with the outside world and protects our bodies, as much as it can, from chemicals and bacteria. Skin is slightly acidic to kill off bad bacteria and prevent it from entering our body.
  • The skin is also responsible for dissipation of sweat and allows secretion. Sweat brings out toxins from our body which end up on our skin. As such, skin is responsible for ¼ of the body’s detoxification each day. That amounts to about 2 lbs of waste acids daily, most of it through sweat glands.
  • The skin is also known as our third kidney due to its responsibility to get rid of toxins in our body, with the lungs being known as the second kidney.

  • Our skin is the last to receive nutrients in the body, yet the first to show signs of imbalance or deficiency.

Lymphatic System

Dry brushing helps exfoliate and invigorate our skin. It increases our blood supply to the area bringing with it nourishment and oxygen. Dry brushing will not only help increase circulation and the elimination of toxins, but will also make a huge difference to the quality of your skin and it will look and feel healthier. Dry skin brushing improves the surface circulation of the skin and keeps the pores of the skin open, encouraging your body to discharge metabolic wastes.

Benefits of dry skin brushing (by no means exhaustive, but I’ve tried to be thorough for you, sweetie):

  • Stimulates the lymphatic system.
  • Cleans toxins from the lymphatic system.
  • Aids digestion.
  • Stimulates circulation.
  • Increases cell renewal.
  • Strengthens the immune system and a strong immune system helps fight off sickness and disease.
  • Stimulates the hormone and oil-producing glands.
  • Helps improves the function of the nervous system by stimulating nerve endings in the skin.
  • Helps muscle tone by stimulating the nerve endings which causes individual muscle fibers to activate and move.
  • Help prevent varicose veins.
  • Reduces the appearance of spider veins.
  • Excellent method for getting rid of ingrown hairs, body acne, and minimizing or eliminating keratosis pilaris.
  • Tightens the skin.
  • Removes dead skin layers and other debris collected in its pores.
  • Reduces the appearance of cellulite and stretch marks (up to five months to see change).
  • Please note, it is possible, after several days of dry brushing, to notice a gelatinous mucoid material in your stools. This is a normal sign and is a sign of your intestinal tract is renewing itself.

Before dry brushing please take note of the following precautions:

  • Always wash a brand new brush with very hot water and soap (natural soap only) with the bristles facing down so you don’t mash them and thoroughly air dry on a cotton towel in an open and sunny window before use.
  • A slight reddening of the skin, erythema, is normal as it is the blood circulation responding to the skin brushing.
  • Dry brushing does exfoliate skin, therefore regular washing of your brush (about one time per week) is essential to remove dead skin from the bristles.
  • If an allergic reaction occurs, stop brushing!
  • Never brush over active inflammation or infection, rashes, abrasions (like wounds, cuts, and scrapes), or during an active cancer state.
  • Do not brush over enlarged lymph nodes.
  • Do not brush on sunburned skin.
  • If pregnant seek a doctor’s advice first.

General rules of dry brushing:

  • ONLY DRY BRUSH DRY SKIN AND ONLY USE A DRY BRUSH – Do not wet the skin or the brush since it will not have the same effect and you will be stretching the skin.
  • Replace your dry brush as soon as you see the bristles wearing down a bit, which will depend on how often you dry brush and the amount of pressure you use. If you’re dry brushing five times a week you’re probably going to need a new one every six weeks.
  • Do not use a dry brush on your face. Some sites recommend an extra soft brush, but I say leave that area alone because it’s not worth the skin damage risk. You can always use a feather tickler on her face during dry brush sensation play.
  • Always stroke upward in one movement in order to direct the flow of lymph and toxins toward your heart.
  • Do not use a back and forth motion.
  • A circular motion is only for your arm pits and stomach.
  • Use firm but gentle strokes in a long sweeping motion repeated seven times. You may want to alternate light, medium, and firm strokes during sensation play, but please use caution and follow the proper technique and order.
  • Adjust pressure to comfort levels and for different parts of the body.
  • Always follow dry brushing with some form of hydrotherapy like a shower or bath. If using dry brushing during sensation play then take you can take a shower when you’re done playing entirely. It’s actually good to sweat after dry brushing and before a shower so go ahead a work it.

Steps of Dry Brushing in the order you absolutely have to do it! 

Always work from the left to right side of  the body. See the diagram below for the proper direction of brush strokes and follow the direction of the arrows.

1.  Feet:

  • Start at the soles of the left foot, stroke the brush from the toes to the heel and follow each brush stroke with an alternating soothing sweep of the other hand.
  • Continue on the top of the foot from the toes to the ankles and ending at Achilles tendon behind ankle.
  • Repeat on the right side.

2.  Hands and arms:

  • Start with the left hand and brush from wrists to fingertips.
  • Turn hand over and brush from fingertips (and in between fingers) to wrist and continue up the arm to the shoulder, working from inner to mid and to outer arm.
  • Finish brush strokes over the armpit, with light strokes in a small circular, clockwise direction, the brush does not leave the skin. The arm pits are very sensitive so follow proper technique, but enjoy the sensations.
  • Repeat on the right side.

3.  Legs and groin:

  • Starting with the left leg, continue upward brush strokes up the leg, moving from ankle to calf and shin, up to hamstrings and quadriceps, ensuring you cover the entire leg, up toward the lymph groin area.
  • Repeat on the right side.
  • Spread legs and sweep the brush from the back to the front on each side of the inner thigh joint/groin. You can have the time of your life here during sensation play. Your brush will absolutely need to be cleaned after play and please be especially careful to not get your brush wet in this location (maybe have a hand towel ready to pat dry first and during).

4.  Buttocks and back:

  • Move to the the left buttock. Starting at the top, brush down to the gluteal fold (where the buttock joins the leg) and sweep back again to the top.
  • Now from the base of the buttock,  sweep upward to outside of the left hip.
  • Once reaching the lower back, start your brush stroke from the left side of the base of the spine and sweep brush strokes up and out to the outside of the torso, all the way up to the left shoulder blade and finishing from the spine to over the shoulder.
  • Repeat the entire process on right side.
  • During sensation play you can stop and have some fun with the tush.

5.  Abdomen and torso:

  • Starting on the left side of the lower abdomen, hold the brush at the navel and brush stroke downward and toward the lymph groin area, and then from navel outward to hip joint and side of torso. Repeat on the right side.
  • Starting on the left side of the upper abdomen, hold the brush at the navel and brush stroke upward and outward from mid to outer torso, under the breast line.
  • Repeat the entire process on the right side.
  • Brush the entire abdominal area with a concentric circular brush stroke. Starting at the navel, move in small circular clockwise strokes, not leaving the skin, and gradually increasing the circular strokes until reaching the outer abdomen. Then work in anti-clockwise brush strokes from large to small until back at the navel.

6.  Neck, décolletage, and chest:

  • Starting on left side, hold the brush just above the breast line and brush upward to collarbone. Working from mid to outer décolletage. Repeat on the right side.
  • From the left side, at the base of the neck, brush very lightly up to the jaw line and curve down to the collarbone, the point at which the head and neck drain into the lymph nodes. Repeat on right side.
  • Brush the breasts very lightly, starting with the left breast and working the brush strokes from underneath the breast sweeping upward toward the nipple. Make your way around the entire breast in a clockwise circle. Repeat on the right side.
  • During sensation play you may want to very gently brush each nipple. Many sites do not recommend brushing the breasts and nipples, but this isn’t just any site. This is the perfect time to prepare the nipples for nipple clamps in any manner you prefer.


Additional sensation play information:

You may also want to invest in a stiffer bristle brush when you want to turn up the sensations in a specific area, namely feet, hands, and tush. A little light spanking with this will also bring about a nice flush.

Merben International Hard Texture Coconut Foot Dry Brush (as found on


Once you have completed dry brushing, make sure you shower or bathe in order to wash away toxins that have been brought to the surface of the skin and to remove dead skin cells. Use a natural, moisturizing soap (no chemicals).

Always follow up with excellent, natural moisturizers. I like to first apply Aloe Vera Gel to all the areas that have been dry brushed because aloe helps heal the skin and it can penetrate deeper layers of the dermis. I also use organic Coconut Oil because it’s highly moisurizing and contains lauric acid, which will help your skin heal. Last, I use raw African Shea Butter on my feet, knees, elbows, and hands. Shea Butter is one of the best moisturizers for areas that can get very dry very fast. For all over moisture on an everyday basis, I use a lighter Shea Butter blend moisturizer called Everyday Shea that’s mixed with other natural moisturizers to keep my skin healthy and glowing.

everyday shea


I buy this with the vanilla scent. See, you can be vanilla.  Funny thing about vanilla, the scent of vanilla bean has been scientifically shown to attract and arouse men. Neurologist Alan Hirsch of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation discovered that in mature men, vanilla was the most sexually arousing scent. I have used vanilla bean extract as a daily scent (you have to reapply it often) and it smells wonderful. Trust men, men notice! And cinnamon increases blood to the penis! There isn’t an cinnamon in this product, but isn’t that a great fact to know?


coconut oil


I love coconut oil. I eat 3 TBS a day because it is great for my thyroid and because it contains medium-chain fatty acids so it doesn’t get stored as fat. As a matter of fact, it helps you burn fat. It works wonders internally and externally, leaving your skin healthy and glowing. Only use organic pure extra virgin coconut oil. Also, it makes a fantastic lube and massage oil, but do not use it with condoms or any other latex or silicone product, like butt plugs. You’ll want a water-based lube for those items.



Shea Butter

This stuff will make your feet like a baby’s bottom! Extra tip, use a good quality pumice stone in the bath and then slather this on and put on a good pair of socks. Hours later your feet will be lovely. You can get this type of unrefined shea butter from local African stores or order from Amazon.


Real Aloe

We have personally done business with this company and were friends of the original owners so we give our absolute HIGHEST recommendation. This is the best aloe vera on the market, hands down. You can order directly from or from Amazon. Here’s a tip: as you’re getting ready to play, slather yourself with this aloe vera gel (gel, not juice) and let it absorb and dry. Give yourself extra time because your skin will need to be absolutely dry for dry brushing, BUT, aloe will bring a flush to your skin because it’s one of the best products for increasing circulation. Make sure you rub it between your legs because you’ll want to get the extra circulation going on there, too!

Happy Brushing!

Dry brush heart

Fear is the master at creating the illusion…

This came across my desk this morning and is so timely. Wise words from Brad Stevenson, who is a good friend of an old friend of mine (thanks, R):

“Fear is the master at creating the illusion that we believe we’ll lose something we have, or not get something we think we need or are entitled to. Shame is the great deceiver that tells so many people that they are flawed and that something is fundamentally wrong with them at the core of their being. “I believe these 2 toxins are woven into the fabric of the “Human Condition.”
I also believe that these core toxic energies carry destructive belief systems that create and perpetuate mistrust, dishonesty, resentment, hatred and blame. People will guard these beliefs with everything in their power as a way to not look bad”.

Consequently, it’s all too often that we experience in unhealthy relationships, the need to feel superior (masking a deep sense of inferiority) and project negative judgments, resentments and criticism onto others. Fear and shame are usually operating outside of the conscious scope of awareness, and are the driving forces that create poor relationships and personal upheaval and dissension.

They are also destructive forces within families as well. Living the THANKS® (Trustworthiness, Honesty, Amends, Neutrality, Kindness, and Surrender), paradigm is the antidote to these destructive forces of fear and shame, so long as they are used in a heartfelt manner.

Once you as a part of a relationship can fully understand your own underlying fear and shame, and can successfully utilize the principles in THANKS®, you will have much greater insight and understanding of the inner workings of your relationships. It will also increase your capacity for empathy and compassion which go a long way in the support of our family members, friends, and colleagues.”

Brad Stevenson MBA, PPDS
Personal & Professional Development Specialists
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder/ Combat Disorder specialist
Mens Issue Specialist
(The Power of THANKS®) Trustworthiness, Honesty, Amends, Neutrality, Kindness, Surrender, and Gratitude.

And The Winner Is….

I bet you’ve been waiting all week to find out the winner of the coveted Dingy Crotch award, haven’t you? I’m sure the The Academy Awards paled in comparison and made you wonder how many of those actresses were wearing granny panties. Oh, wait, what am I thinking, starlets and wanna-bes like to expose themselves as they climb out of limousines in the most ungraceful of ways. Seriously, you don’t get out of a car with your legs spread open for the world to see. Bless my father’s soul for teaching me how to get in and out of a car like a lady! Dads, do your daughter a favor and take the lead teaching her manners and etiquette. That mantle always falls on mom, but she is to be her example of proper etiquette and manners and reinforce what you teach your daughter.

Back to granny panties…It was close and our panel of distinguished judges had a very hard time making a decision. Our selection was based on three criteria:

  1. They must officially be “Granny Panties,” not just large underwear.
  2. They had to say “I am not sexy not matter how you wear me.”
  3. You had to have entered the contest.

I know those are strict rules, but we run a tight ship here! So, without further ado (because the Dingy Crotch award is where I make fun you and your underwear), the winner is:

◊◊◊Little Kaninchen◊◊◊

LK Granny Panties

Can you believe these suckers?

Did you really think that little strip of lace at the waistband was going to make them attractive?

If you still own them, please have your Sir read this…Sir, please tie her up with these things.I think there is a sufficient amount of fabric to tie up both her ankles and wrists. 

What was your motivation for buying them in the first place, I wonder?

That allure of a soggy looking crotch that looks like a baby’s loaded diaper?

Perhaps it’s the appeal of thin cotton and poorly sew-on elastic?

Buy one get one free at Wal-mart?

Fond memories of being 13 and having to wear enormous maxi-pads?

Knowing there’s no way that fabric can slip between the cracks?

Hoping someone would come along and give you a wedgie?

Oh, the possibilities are endless. I could go on and on.

I feel I have done the world a valuable service. There will be one less pair of granny panties in the world and I, for one, feel like Rand Paul in a filibuster. I have said my piece, now go in peace.

Where Does Your Time and Energy Go?

I’ve had to prioritize my life out of absolute necessity. Activities that once occupied my time no longer have the same appeal to me. I have found myself feeling overwhelmed by all the activities I used to do and it’s been difficult to complete my regular everyday tasks. This really had me worried until I had a nice long conversation with a new friend yesterday, read an email I received from an old friend, and spoke to my best friend (my Sir). Timing is everything.

Why am I so out of sorts? It’s simple. Since Sir and I mutually decided on our D/s life, I came to realize that many activities that used to take up so much of my time were only fillers. These activities were used to fill the loneliness so I wouldn’t have to think about the void in my heart of not having the connection with my HusDom that I so desperately wanted. Now that we have recognized what we really want and have established this priceless connection I only want to do those things that enhance our family life and our D/s life. We’ve been together a very  long time, and yet, I feel like we’re just starting out…almost like newlyweds. Remember those days when you were all giddy with excitement and you had a smile on your face all the time? Yep, that’s me! With that in mind, I’m changing everything for the better and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

I used to do a lot of volunteer work and had some leadership positions which took up an inordinate amount of time. My Sir asked me to step down and I happily obeyed. It feels good to obey in this way and I know I pleased him. He wants me to spend my extra time getting in shape and that is exactly what I’m doing. Since I have been removing myself from commitments that turned into a drain I have had even more time to help Sir with his business. That’s a win-win!

What are your priorities?

A dear friend of mine has been using a life coach and she sent me the following from their website (

“Why manage energy? It is the only true option. Time is a constant and something we can do nothing to change. The only time we have is now. So it becomes a matter of the energy we bring to each moment and how fully we can experience now.

Managing energy is so important because:

1) Standing behind “time” only serves to get in our way. I think of it as a form of self sabotage. “I’m too busy” or “I’ll never have time to do that.”

2) Your energy level is a barometer of how well your body and it’s systems are in balance. Low energy is a warning light that something internal is off balance. This imbalance will result in more low energy, deterioration of brain cells, mutation of cells, disease, premature aging and death. Then time won’t mean a thing to you.

In a current class, we are discussing ways to consistently invest in our energy, including foods, lifestyle, emotions and thoughts. The topic of false energy has surfaced. Adrenaline induced, power living that seems to result in a total crash and burn the minute we have down time. As if we are living like a hamster in a wheel, frantically running to get ahead. Students in the class have even discovered it is scary to jump off the wheel! I’d love your thoughts….what is scary about slowing down?”

Everyone thinks that if they slow down they’ll miss out. Don’t believe that lie. Slowing down means completing tasks with your head in the right place rather than doing it quickly just to get it done, which is a time waster in the long run. Be in the moment. Don’t look at anyone else and do what you need to do when you need to do it and do it WELL.

Copyright © 2013 – by The Submission of Elle

Photos courtesy of Pinterest